Prayers for our family

Good Morning, I've stepped back from the board here and I know instead of doign that I should be reaching out. I don't want to sound negative all the time and be venting so I have/am just keeping to myself. Thought I would update on what is going on in our life - as much as my emotions will let me. As some of you may or may not know - We have 3 children. 1 adopted son who is 10 yrs old and 2 biological children who are 5 and 2yrs old. Our 10 yr old has lived outside of our home for nearly 4 out of the 6 yrs that we have had him. Due to his extreme behavioral and emotional problems. More recently (last 2 yrs) he has been in a Residential Treatment facility 2 hrs away. Last fall he was transferred to a treatment foster home. Where he has done okay. We were planning for his return early summer. Making a 4rth bedroom in our home, increased home visits and everything else. Cor was told that he would be able to come home this summer as long as he continued to do well. Well - little did we know that he wasn't doing so well. Was struggling in few areas and even had to have the cops called while at a respite provider's home. Started having problems on home visits. And we quickly caught on that he wasn't doing as good as we had been told. Then had a visit where he pushed me and began to rage, the next visit he punched his dad and did some other things that were not okay. We have been very firm on our no tolerance to agression - and he is still acting out. We spoke w/therapist and sw's last week. The County SW told my husband that we have 2 weeks - max. to make a decsion. Either bring Corry back home by the begining of summer or the county/state will terminate our parental rights (TPR). Unfortunately - we have decided to let them go threw w/the TPR. Not only is this a huge emotional burden but also a financial burden. My dh has held on to the financial part and said no we can't let them do this we need to bring thiskid home. However, he is a severe risk of hurting our other two younger children. It has come down to me telling dh last week "choose between me or C" and in doing so he is choosing between myself, abi, bryant or Corry. I am fully prepared to leave w/the other 2 kids if Corry comes back into our home. James has agreed that it is in our family's best interest to move fwd w/the TPR. The emotional aspect of this is more to bear than what I can sometimes handle. I don't believe it is in Corry's best interest for us to TPR - Sustained foster care where we remain family but he just doesn't live w/us is. His therapist even suggested this to me. However, that is not how WI works. They look at $$ signs - not what is in his best interest. Heck if they did....we wouldn't be in this situation because he wouldn't have spent the first 4 yrs of his life being abused and neglected. They kept him in that situation - yet we want what is best and are getting crapped upon. I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm sad and hurt. - Need to end w/this. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Gala

Gala, my heart goes out to you and your family. Especially to Corry. He must be hurting to be acting out in this way. I know of other adoptive parents who have had to TPR. It just got down to where they needed to do it for themselves and also for the child. I don't know any personal details of "why". I'm sure you have, but go to the Lord and ask Him what is best for both Corry and the rest of the family. Corry is awfully young to be acting out like this. Something must have gone on during his biological mother's pregnancy that has spurred this behavior and aggression. I'm thinking fetal alcohol syndrome or drug addiction when born etc... If you TPR than what happens to Corry? He'll be abandoned yet again. Once by his biological parents and a second time by his adoptive parents. His self esteem will be at an all time low. On the flip side you have to do what is absolutely in the best interest of your other children. You must keep them safe and protected. One last thought before you beat yourself up. Heavenly Father had to make the tough decision of kicking one of his older sons out of his presense. Lucifer was angry and acted out and is still acting out as far as that goes and pulled 1/3 of his sibling out with him. If HF had to send a son away then we shouldn't beat outselves up over having to do the same thing. In a sense HF has TPR to Lucifer and the others who left with him. I'm sure he grieved at the decision but it was a decision that had to be made. Corry has already been out of your home for 4 of the 6 years you have had him. There really isn't a bond between you. The only bond is one of obligation and guilt. Do what is best for the family Gala. Maybe TPR will be best for Corry too. I'll keep you in my prayers Gala. This is truely a difficult time. (HUGS) Melody

We have came to this cross road many times before. Have been advised by numerous professionals that this kiddo wouldn't make it in our home with younger children. And yet we have tried again and again. There is a part of me that wishes when the psychologist from the mental hospital 2 yrs ago told me this I would have gotten a lawyer and stead fast on her reccomendations. I have not only wasted 2 yrs of my life - but more importantly 2 yrs of his life. I feel extreme guilt over this choice and not really sure how I will live w/this decsion. Cor was not born w/drugs or alchohal in his system. However, bio mom was in rehab for part of pregnancy. He was abused and neglected the first few months of his life. He then was w/his bio grandparents for the next 3.5 yrs till we adopted him. Grandparents were old and naive. Grandfather sexually abused Cor. No proof only Cor's words. When the detectives interviewed Corry he told them flat out "This is what happened....My grandpa says I'm lying so it must not be true". He was completely mesmorized by that man and thought that he truly was all there was. What is even sickier about this hole thing is grandparents returned last year from a couples mission!!!! SICK!!!! There was a bond between myself and Corry - it is no longer there, you are correct. And I don't know that I can rebuild it. He has extreme hatred for women. And I'm just another "women" in his life. And therefore his anger and such gets taken out on me. I don't know what the answers are. I just know that it is tearing me up!! Gala

Hello Gala: You and your family will be in my prayers. I have 3 adopted children who were older when we adopted them. I know the rage your talking about and understand totaly your choice. I recommend finding some therapy for you and your husband especially....there are a lot of issues Gala, don't keep them bottled up inside. Hang in there and turn to the Lord....he will bless you and your family. Your loved! Tami~

Good Morning Tami, I have seen a therapist off and on for the last 4 yrs. More recently since my surgery over the last year. Linda has been very instrumental in helping me make this decsion. She has extensive experience in Reactive Attachment Disorder and working w/parents who have children w/behavioral-emotional problems. She also has extensive experience in working w/people with eating disorders. So she has helped in 2 important areas. She also does couples work and has started seeing my dh and I along w/our couples therapist. My husband now sees the person we saw for couples on an individual basis. So...we are there. Just taking time. Thanks, gala

Hi Gala-just wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you and praying for your family. I hope you are all doing okay now-don't forget to let us know how it is going. ((hugs)) lynn k