Board with little action

It makes me sad that there isn't more LDS WLS people posting on this board. There are so many issues we deal with as Latter-day Saints that other people don't face. Here is my dilema right now. Unfortunately its common when some loses a lot of weight that their friends undermine them or become jealous. I really see it in my Ward. I am nearly 4 years out from surgery now and I've maintained my current weight for over a year now. I hit goal at the end of the first year, then I went too far below my goal and had to gain some back. I have since been at this weight for a year now and I feel very healthy and happy. Happier then I've ever been in my life. Yet prominent members of my Ward who use to include me (which I don't care if they call me for all the social fringes) will not or barely talk to me now. The most I get from my Bishop's wife is a hello in the halls in passing on Sundays. And there are a couple others that are the same way and yes they maintain a definite click. I don't like being part of clicks which I believe promotes gossip and judgemental behaviors. So, though I'm not devasted by any means, my confidence in myself and self-esteem that has increased is enough to sustain me, it troubles me that people in the church act this way. I'm smart enough to realize that their behaviors and attitude is more connected to their own self image of themselves having little to do with me specifically or something I did. I have said one thing. If I did something to offend you, please talk to me and let me make things right. RESPONSE: nothing. So, I have to assume that they just don't like me because of my weight loss and new found confidence. Am I going to change? NO. I will pray for them that they find their own place and deal with their issues. I only bring it up so that when you are confronted with it, you don't let it floor you or bring you down. People are people everywhere. Even within the Church. We just have to be prepared for it when it happens. Christy

Christy, You did exactly as the Prophets have asked us to do. Go to those you feel you have offended and ask to make amends. It s up to them to accept it or not. I'm sorry you have had that experience. I have found my current ward has been nothing but supportive. They have expressed concern that I will not loose any more weight, but I have been pretty stable for about 6 months now and am still above my IBW. My old ward that I visit once about every 4-6 months are also supportive. Several folks in that ward have also had WLS so they have been very supportive before and after surgery. Sometimes people think we have changed internally because we have changed so drastically externally. Perception is reality to the perceiver. All we can do is continue to extend the hand of fellowship and we will be blessed for our efforts. Jane

Christy - I would never had guessed that something like that would have gone on in a ward. I guess I'm lucky that I have tremendous support in my ward. I'm more than a year out and am at goal so I hope I don't have the same kind of challenges that you have been going through. I think you nailed it right on the head when you said that others were just uncomfortable with their own body images and self confidence. I'm glad that you have put it into prospective that it is THEIR problem and not yours. Sounds like they may be a little jealous and instead of being happy for you they chose to ignore you. I play a little game in life. Whenever their is someone I'm having a problem with and would just as soon ignore me than to speak to me, I go out of my way to call them by name in a real cheerful voice and force them to acknowledge that I'm speaking to them. It irritates them and before I know it they aren't ignoring me anymore. I hope this passes and passes quickly Christy. I also hope I won't have to share your same challenge. Melody

Christy- I am sorry that your ward has problems with clicks-unfortunately, a lot of wards do. I have never been included, mostly I think because of my weight, also because I am a single (divorced) mother in my 40's-kind of a third wheel. Most of the time, people do not realize they are being rude or clicky-they just operate within their comfort zone and don't really see anyone's pain. I have at times talked with my Bishop or RS president if someone has been really hurtful, and then gone to that someone and let them know that I felt hurt by their actions. When this has happened, the person has almost always been surprised that they had had any impact on my life at all-again, they weren't aware that they had hurt me. I am lucky to be in a ward now that has been very wonderful and supportive. Sometimes we have to remember that LDS people are the same as everyone else in the world, and have the same (or more) temptations. Don't let it bring you down. I have lived in the same town for 20 years, and have seen people come and go in my ward, had the boundaries changed many times, and so I know that often those clicks are fluid things-once one person leaves, often the rest will become aware of how they have shut out others. Hope you are doing okay-stay happy! ((hugs)) lynn k