A devastating moment

A devastating moment is not the word for it. The description would be better termed "a devasting time yet to come". Last night I learned that both by 4 year old and my 6 year old daughters have been repeatedly raped by their 15 year old cousin. This has been going on for a year now from what we can piece together. I use the word "rape" instead of just molested because there has been intercourse both vaginally and rectally on both girls. When I learned about this last night I was brave and strong. Today through church, the tears started with the opening song and flowed throughout the entire meeting. The sacrament was especially tearful for me as I thought of the Savior and all that he went through and all that he has done for us. Tomorrow morning (Monday) we start the process of contacting child protective services and pressing charges. The perpetrator is a family member (aren't they all) and this will tear the family apart. My sister is an alcoholic and her son is the perpetrator. This 15 year old has sooo many problems. He really needs the help. We are definately pressing charges and maybe there will be a blessing in it for him. Maybe this will force him AND his mother to get the treatments they need. Had to vent. Thanks for listening. Melody (notice no smile this time)

Dear Melody, I am so sorry to hear you about your children. I know of your pain. My daughter was raped as well at the age of 13 and we just found out about it about 2 months ago and we have been going to couseling for it. I know without a doubt that our Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ will guide you as to what to do and will encircle you and your children with his deepiest love. I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by pressing charges. This is the only way for the family to truly understand the great need to make changes in their lives. This will be a difficult thing to do and will devistate them but blessings will come from your actions. I suggest that you get professional help for your kids and you and your family. The church offers great help in this area and can help on a spiritual sense of things but it has been our experience to get couseling from outside area as well. I would look into work coverage if you have medical coverage for your couseling and have your kids medically checked for any type of aids ect and for your court process. I am sure you are feeling truly over whelmed by all of this so I encourage you to get a Priesthood Blessing to help you and guide you through the rough waters that lay ahead of you. Remember you can receive and ask for as many blessings as you need. The Savior Atonement has a power so real and so loving Melody seek this out and call down the powers of heaven to start healing your children, you and your Sister family. The healing will come as you forgive your Sister and her Son for their wrong actions and choices. This will not be easy Melody I know from personal experience my brother raped me when I was 21 yrs old and I had to purge myself from within because I allowed hate, anger, rage, ect into my heart and I allowed Satan to deceive me by thinking it was okay to harbor such feelings. I strggled with theses feelings for years which caused me to go totally in active to fall completely away from the church drugs, sin until I was ex-cummunicated and lost everything. Then through the counsel of a wise Bishop I came to the understanding of this simple truth..... anger of others and not forgiving those whom has sined agaisnt you will destroy you inwardly and outwardly. I had to learn the lesson of forgiveness and I came to truly understand what the Atonement was about for me and others. I share this with you because I dont want you or your children to fall prey to Satan deceivment of anger, hurt, revenge ect. He is so quick to interven within us that sometimes we dont realize that he has. I have complete faith in you as a Daughter of God to be guided by the Savior and his love. If you would like to talk I am here for you. I want you to know that you will be in my prayers and that Heavenly Father and his Son are aware of you and your family every minute of every day, Keep your spirit up and open at all times and the sweet whispering of the spirit will guide you. Email me if you need anything Melody always Kathy

Kathy, Thank you for your words of wisdom. Hearing from someone who has BEEN there is a help. The first thing I did when I learned of this incident was to call my bishop who came over immediately (This after 9:00 pm at night), I knew that I needed Priesthood guidance and that this was the route to go. He gave me some great advice. The advice you've given me is just as valuable because it comes from someone with first hand experience. My bishop told me that after the girls have been through counciling they need a priesthood blessing asking that this memory be erased from their minds. We have a long road ahead of us and I fool myself into thinking this is going to be easy. Thanks for being there Kathy. Melody

Honey I can't even begin to tell you how very sorry I am. I hope that CPS was able to give you some guidance today after contacting them. This is a horrible and devasting event to with stand. Rely on your Father in Heaven (as I know you are) to guide both yourself and children this this. Our son was molested by his bio grandfather prior to us adopting him. We knew of the "possibilty" that it happened. However, it never came out for certain until after we had him for a year and half. The most devasting part for me is the fact that his 'unhealthy' bond with his bio grandfather led him to 'protect' the GF. Unfortunatly the GF told Corry he was lying and therefore when the detectives interviewed Corry he said just that "I told my GF what he did was wrong. And he told me that i was not saying the truth and if I told anyone that he would go to jail." The detectives on the "outside" of the room told my dh that they were certain that it happened. However, because he wouldn't come out and say 'yes' - there was nothing that could be done. A year or so later his bio grandparents left for a couples mission. I can't even begin to imagine how or what would go threw my mind, emotions, body having found this out about either one of my 2 babies. Hang in there. Your trials have been many over the last few months. Remember to take care of "Melody"!! love, Gala

Gala what a sorry thing for Corry to have gone through. If Corry doesn't get the help now he may become a perpetrator as he matures. As far as the GF is concerned. He's not getting away with anything. Our HF knows what he has done and he'll be punished for it, if not in this life than the next. The GF is sick. He'll continue to offend. I'd wager a guess that he isn't being too successful on his mission. His heart is too full of these urges and feelings. What a sorry priesthood example he has been. Gala - DON'T LET CORRY COME BACK INTO YOUR HOME! You have little children and Corry is too messed up and will probably abuse your daughters. By the time you find out about it, it will be too late. Do whatever it takes to protect your young children. Even if it means that you have to TPR with Corry. Even if Corry says he's better or the doctors think he's better, this is embedded into his brain. The authorities have never addressed this molestation with Corry so he's not being treated for it. Follow your instincts Gala. As much as it may hurt to TPR, it will hurt more if Corry comes back into your home and you find out that he has molested your young children. Melody

Melody-I come from a family of 6 girls. all of us were molested / raped by our grandfather. we have had to deal with it without family counseling, as our parents back then didn't have any guidence as to what to do. My oldest daughter was raped at the age of 12, and still suffers problems physically and emotionally. my 2 oldest daughters were molested when they were 3 and 4 also, by a friends son. my youngest daughter was molested at 10 by a friends son, and raped at 16 by a man she worked with. I can imagine the anger, hurt and pain you must be feeling. Satan uses this tool more than anything else because it causes us to feel so unloved and forgotten, and question HF why it could happen to us and our children. I hope that CS is helpful and your nephew is brought up on charges, and I pray that you and your family will come through this stronger than before, and that your bishopric and home teachers will be there for you. I feel your pain, and will pray for you and your little girls. (((((HUGS))))))) lynn

The first person we called after learning of this incident was our bishop. He came right over and has called several times since then to just check on us and make sure we are ok. Our home teacher is wonderful. He saw us as church the next morning and could tell and sensed that something was amiss in our lives. He'll be a HUGE support for us too. We've been to the police and filed all the paperwork. The Chief of Police was great. He told me that WE were not pressing charges against my nephew - HE was pressing charges against the boy. All we did was report an incident. I guess this is one way for us to handle the emotional backlog of pressing charges against a family member. I think this will be a blessing in disguise because it will FORCE my nephew, his family and his mother to get the counciling and help that they so desperately need. I sure appreciate all the support I have been given on this site. I had no idea that this problem was so prevelent. I guess I've lived a sheltered life because this type of thing happens to OTHER people, not to my family. Thanks Lynn Melody

Oh, my dearest Melody! I am so very sorry this has happened! However, I am very grateful that it was discovered this early. My daughter had it happen to her also. From the time she was very young through middle school. I had NO IDEA! What kind of mother does that make me? I should have known and still suffer remorse. The truth of the matter is that it was a VERY close relative and I didn't know. But we did discover it and took the appropriate steps to protect and treat my precious child. LDS Services was great! I do not agree with their treatment of adoption, but in this they were wonderful. My daughter is grown now, married with three wonderful children of her own. She has a faith in our Heavenly Father that I envy. She may have more children even. But the point is that she has come through it quite well. Heavenly Father watches over her and I give him much gratitude for helping her and, indeed, our whole family, through such a trying experience. Melody, I not only learned of the great love our Father has for us and of his cleansing spirit but that WE make our families who they are. It isn't what happens to them that makes a family disfunctional but how the family handles it. We can choose to allow ourselves to be disfunctional and crippled or to grow and learn to be healthy. I am so grateful my daughter chose to be healthy. Your daughters are young enough, that you can guide them to emotional and spiritual health. My prayers are with you that your family will come through this healthy. You are such a strong sweet spirit that I am sure you will be there for them. It won't be easy and there will be many powerful negative emotions for you to work through, but it is possible and for every negative thing you work through, Heavenly Father has many blessings waiting for you! God bless you! I am here if you want to chat. Just email me and I will respond. You are such a blessing for everyone here. Grins, Kaye

Thank you Kaye. I couldn't believe the amount of peace I've received since learning of this situation and going through the legal process. I don't feel hatred for this family member who's responsible, I just feel peace. I have learned that our names were put on the temple prayer list. I KNOW that is why I haven't been an emotional wreck all week. Tomorrow the children will go for their interview as well as their medical evaluation. I made a point of going to the temple today. I just felt that I needed to be there. There is such peace involved when I should be a wreck. The biggest hurdle I'm overcoming now is - We've been told by Law Enforcement, social services as well as the ones that will do the evaluation that we are NOT to talk to the girls about this incident. They don't want anyone talking to them before the official evalution. My 4 year old keeps bringing it up. SHE has the need to talk it out. I feel horrible and feel like I'm letting her down by changing the subject and not addressing her needs. I don't want to jeorpordize the investagation and yet I want to address my daughter's need to talk. Tomorrow, (Thursday), after the evaluations maybe I'll get the green light to actually talk this out with my daughter. Melody

I am glad you are able to feel peace. From what what I have read of what you have said, I know you will continue to be blessed and so will your daughters. I wish you the best of luck. -Jonathan