More on my life the soap opera

My two youngest daughters (4 years old and 6 years old) have been repeatedly raped by a trusted cousin. The other grandmother has the beginnings of Lou Gehrigs Disease. My mother told her of the impending arrest of her grandson thinking that it would be better to give her a little notice instead of receiving the shock of the news of his arrest. She also asked the grandmother to please not say anything that the police didn't want the perpetrator to get word of the impending arrest. Well to make a long story short, the other grandmother told her adult children and also the perps father (her son). They showed up at our house at midnight wanting to put these allegations to rest. We first let the father read the statements we made to the police, he then handed the papers (which were multiple) to the perp. The father (My brother in law) kept saying over and over "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". The perp read the first page and threw it on the floor, he then took every other page, looked at it for less than 5 seconds and threw each page on the floor without reading any of it. The perp kept saying over and over "They're lying, I didn't do nothing". We kept assuring the perp that we loved him, he was family and he needed help, when one member of the family has a problem we all rally around and try to get them help, the same as if it was cancer or another disease. The perp never looked at us. Most of the time he was sulking and not cooperative. Their visit only lasted about 12 minutes (good thing as they didn't arrive until midnight and they got us out of bed). The perp stormed out the door slamming it on his way out. The father hugged me and told me he was so very sorry. The next day their adult daughter (the perps sister) decided that they should have a jury trial and all they had to do was plant a seed of doubt in the jury's mind and her brother would go free. This daughter has decided that my husband our daughter's father is the one who has done these horrible acts to these girls. They are going to place all the blame on him and plant this seed of doubt in the jury's mind. She said that my girls were coaxed into saying what they said. I went back to the investigating police office and asked him what he thought. This officer laughed and said that it was sooo obvious that these girls were not coaxed, they were very spontaneous in their answers and there was absolutely no question that they perp really was the perp and did these horrible acts to my daughters. He told us not to worry about this. The good news is that the girls also underwent a physical exam with professionals who deal with this type of molestation, There is absolutely no permanent damage done to either girl. They assured me that in 98% of the cases of children this age there will be no permanent damage. My girls are being checked for a venereal disease but everything looked good on exam. This is turning as ugly as we feared. It is tearing our family apart. We still love the perp and his family. We pray daily for them that they will accept and take responsibility for this so he can get the help he needs. Melody

(((MELODY))))) Sweetheart I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that you, your girls, your husband, family have to go threw this horrific nightmare. What a nightmare it is. Satan is working his greedy nasty little fingers in every way he can. Keep up your faith and doing what you are doing!! It is good to know that there is no permanent damage. Things like this usually do tear a family apart. Hold on to your faith, your testimony and what you have and what is supposed to happen will happen!! Take Care Sweetheart! Love, Gala

Thank you Gala for your support. I have a hard time talking about this and this board is someplace a little bit annonymous where I can go spill by guts, cry and get the loving support that everyone offers. There is a real fear that my nephew will commit suicide. We did not cause it if it happens. That's something out of our control and we are NOT going to take responsibility if it happens. We've gone out of our way not to show anger or hatred toward this boy. We've repetedly told him we love him. What he does at this point is his responsibility. I'm not going to harbor any guilt over it. If my sister and my nieces blame me and hate me, that's their problem. I'm not going to give in to Satan's traps. Hopefully this young boy will be too chicken to take the easy way out with suicide. He's a baptized, inactive member of the church, his eternal salvation is at stake. For the first time in his life he'll have to take responsibility for his actions whether in this life or in the next. Hopefully he can feel our love for him and will accept responsibility for his actions now. Thanks for listening (or reading) and for all the support. Love, Melody

Okay......tell me if I'm wrong here. I don't know the ins/outs of the family dynamics or this kids life. But your comment there is a real fear he will commit suicide... Strikes me as huge RED FLAG. If he is making comments and so forth in that direction than he needs to be hospitalized. His mother and father are at fault if they don't get him the medical treatment needed. It isn't something to take lightly. Regardless if he is baptized or not. He is only 12 or 13. In my ever not so humble opinion he is not old enough to truely comprehend the ramifications of what suicide will do. He doesn't want to live because he is hurt, has caused hurt and doesn't know how to deal with the rage with in him. I've 'thought' about a way out many times....but as an adult I know the ramifications of it. You and I both know this kiddo needs help. His words/actions are a cry for help. That is what the authorities are for and what pyschiatric hospitals are for. Regardless.....HE is not your problem. Just as you stated!! Take Care my Dear. Gala

I was molested by a step grandfather when I was a child and it does have lasting ramifications. I am basically a pretty normal person but I have been able to sort it all out and put things in place. I didn't go through counseling and in fact I didn't tell anyone about it until I was well into my adulthood. I told my husband before we were married and he has always been patient with me and very tender about sexual matters. I finally told both my daughters, but have never told my sons. I'm not sure how they would handle that. But about 15 years ago, I realized that it didn't enter my mind on a daily basis. Up until then, something would always make me think about it. We have a guy in our Ward....he served a mission and was a teacher at an elementary school. He married and his wife was a non member who got baptized right before they got married. They went to the Temple and everything. They had a son....when he turned 3 years....the guy got caught at work with *****graphy on his computer. It was pedifile stuff. Very sick. They then found sex toys of male nature in his desk and closet at work. The facts are that he never ever molested any kids except on....his own son. Why did I tell you this story, well the thing is that though he would lose everything and he did (he's in prison and will be there for about 7 years), including his wife and family, he came forward and asked that there be no trial. That he would plead guilty and is very remorseful. His wife is the one that ultimately acted in and still does act in a very bitter manner. she blames the church. She hates all members of the church. So, in the end, if he refrains from his ill desires for the rest of his life, who is worse off. Him or his wife. I think his wife. He is on the path to repentance and so can your nephew. It is not the end....it is no reason to turn against the church. That is the beauty of repentance and our Savior's sacrifice. He loves us all. I hope your nephew will come to understand, get the help he needs to not reoffend and that your family will heal. Christy

Thank you Christy. I'm a little skeptable that this man only molested his son when he had so many other children available to him. Rarely does a man stop and get caught on their first victum. I agree with you that this man's wife is the one worse off at this point. She is allowing bitterness and hatred to hamper her quest for eternal happiness. It's too bad that she has to blame the church for something her husband did. My nephew lives in a world of being a habitual liar. He has lied himself out of every negative situation in his whole life. Unfortunately his mother is also a habitual liar and she believes EVERYTHING her son tells her. I guess it's easier to believe a lie than to accept responsibility. We're hoping that both my sister AND my nephew will both be forced to get the treatment they need to heal and get their lives in order. Thanks for sharing your story. Melody

Yes Gala I agree that there are definately HUGE red flags waving all over the place. My nephew himself has never threatened suicide. The first talk of possible suicide came from his mother who feels that he is too weak to face the consequences of incarceration. Her current husband (my nephew's step-father) and her estranged husband, has frightened all the children with nightmares about what it's like to be in prison (he has been in prison himself). He has filled the boy with stories about how they treat child molesters. Stories about how they would use a broom handle on the boy etc... My sister thinks that this boy will take the easy way out. My nephew is 15 and a habitual liar. He'd lie if telling the truth would get him out of trouble. He lies so much that he believes his lies and they have become an alternate reality for him. His mind has changed his memories of most events in his life. My sister, his mother, is the same way. A habitual liar. You can't believe anything she says. We're aware of this and take everything she says with a grain of salt and don't count on any commitments or promises she makes. Unfortunately for my family, this boy's sisters, and my sister all believe this boy and are supporting him 100%. They don't doubt that the girls have been molested but they are blaming my husband. They're also saying that my 20 year old daughter molested this 15 year old nephew several years ago. They are grasping at straws to get this 15 year old boy out of trouble. I think that this boy will start to believe the lies especially the ones originating from his mother and sister and therefore he'll be convinced that he can lie himself out of this situation too. We've gone back to the officer doing the investigation and asked him what the chances are that they can put a question of doubt in the jury's mind and therefore this boy go scott free. He laughed and said "no way". If they even tried, the prosecutor would catch him so easily in any or all of his lies and the videos of the girls interviews themselves would erase any doubt that this boy is responsible. Things are getting uglier and uglier before they get better. As I type, my sister took the day off work and is with her family as they plan their defense to this situation. Keep the prayers coming our way. Their definately appreciated. Love, Melody

((((((((((((Melody))))))))))))))) I too have been molestaded by my adoped father- not his biological daughter go figure--My mother suspected something but put her head in the sand... (my mother is biological). Many moons ago when I forgave him for his sins against me the touture of what happened to me was over. I know that not everbody can do that. Little children need good lds counslers if possiable-- as I talk to other woman this is so common. if all perks were arrested there would be no room in the jails. It is a desiese and santun feeds on it. If he can tear just one family aprat he is so very happy. I do know that pronagraphey does lead to this and child pron is so avaliable on the interternet and couriosoty killed the cat. Love Pray put names in the Temple and when ready give this to the Lord. LOVE Saralan

Saralan, this shows what great strength you have. Not everyone could forgive and let go as you have. That shows remarkable character on your part. When we first learned of this molestation, I was an emotional wreck. This was on a Saturday night. I cried all day Sunday during church. Come Tuesday, I received such a peace about things. I learned that an aunt of mine had put our names on the temple prayer list. I KNOW that is the reason I was able to deal with the burden rationally and not so emotionally. There is real peace associated with the temple. I've been to the temple twice, once each week. I'll go again on Saturday and yet again on Tuesday. It sure helps to attend and know that I'm doing what my Heavenly Father wants. Thanks for sharing your strength Saralan. Melody