Help with Doctrine please!!!

Conference is wonderful. I just returned home from the Sunday morning session of conference. President Hinkley spoke on the importance of forgiveness. President Hinkley was speaking directly to me on this point but I still have a question and I need some input and advice from my dear friends and priesthood on this site. As you all have been reading, my 2 young daughters were sexually molested (raped) repeatedly over a years time by their cousin (my nephew). He's being sentenced in three days from now and as the victim's mother I have a right to write a letter to be read in court concerning our feelings about what he did to my daughters. Now for my question. Without a doubt, I forgive my nephew. I love my nephew but hate the actions he committed. Does Heavenly Father expect me to forgive his actions too, or is just forgiving the boy enough? I really, really need some immediate feedback on this point as time is only a couple days away. Thank you. Melody

This is "MY" interpretation....thoughts...ect ect on this. Forgiving the "perpetrator/nephew" is what HF has asked us to do. The actions were/are of evil. Gala I didn'****ch conference. For me to take my children would be horrific and I couldn't do it. Some day when they are old and gone maybe. Right now I'm afraid I would commit an unhealthy sin if I had to sit w/them threw conference. They are NOT well behaved in church on a good day. So...I stayed home. Gala

Hi Gala, You probably all ready know this, but just in case you don't. You can listen to all of the sessions of conference from lds.org. I just went there today, and downloaded the MP3 versions on the Saturday sessions so I can listen to them again on my MP3 player. Or, you can always print the talks, OR of course, just wait patiently for the Ensign. : ) Have a great day everyone!

The way a former bishop explained it to me when my son was molested was you have to be able to forgive the person. Not neccessairly the act in which the person committed. However, I feel that in time, I will be able to see the act for what it was: Satan's hand in the corruption of a man. I know that your nephew will be able to be helped as long a he is willing to accept the help being offered. There is still time to turn him around. When he becomes an adult, it will be much harder to rehabilitate him and get him to change. When you give your victim impact statement, remember that the whole family needs to heal from this. Ask for a priesthood blessing before going to court and the Holy Ghost will inspire you to know what to do. You are in my prayers always. Love Donna

It is an important part in his healing that he pay the consequences for his actions. You have forgiven him, but it is not wrong to ask that he pay the consequences as determined by law. It's all part of the repentance process. You are not seeking vengence - that is wrong. You are seeking that he is held accountable according to the law.

Dear Melody, Good morning! I would like to respond to your question. Being one who tran gressed in the past and have been re-baptised a member and awaiting approval to be able to have my temple blessings re-enstated . It has been a very humbling experience to go through the repentance process. I have come to the understanding that the lord loves the sinner but hates the sin. If we truly forgive each other then we will do all that is required of us to be forgiven. This means to make restitution to those we have offended. If your nephew has asked for your forgiveness, the neccessary action to be taken from the church and the law then punished for his transgression both spiritually and physically. He will come to know the sweetness of the plan of salvation the Savior great sacrifice for all of us and his Atonement made possible for us to be forgiven. All you need to do is go to the lord and ask for the strength necessary to forgive him personally, the transgression agaisnt your children, and to place forgiveness in the capable hands of the lord, He will bless you and your children and healing from this will come in small and gentle ways. I am praying for you and your family, take care my friend Kathy

Melody, I am so sorry you had to go through that. While I am not a Mormon, my best friends are, and I have attended services with them before. I am a Christian, and have studied the Bible, but not the Book of Mormon as much. There was one verse in the Bible that helped me one time with forgiveness that really hit home for me. "Be at Peace as much as possible with one another" I am not sure of its address, but the words "as much as possible" helped me a lot. God does not expect us to be able to be at peace with every human being, but we are called to try, and to forgive them completely. I saw a show the other day that a lady confronted her daughter's murderer and forgave him completely, for everything. I don't know if I could do that in her place, but I would like to think I would be able to have the strength of the Lord to be able to ask Him to help me to forgive. We are only human on this earth, not yet risen to be with Him, so we are not perfect yet. Just ask for strength from your Heavenly Father to be at peace, and to be able to forgive your relative as He has forgiven us. My pastor always tells us that the foot of the cross is where we should leave our burdens, and we shouldn't pick them up again, harder to do than to say. Just know that I will be praying for you and hope that you can have peace in this matter. I will also pray for your girls to not have lasting effects of that terrible time, and to be able to forgive him one day as well. I hope it was okay to post here, and that my words were of some comfort. Rise up awesome woman of God, and Be Blessed! Deborah

Deborah - How very kind of you to post to this site. Thank you for your words of support. As "Mormons" we believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly . . .; I can only speak for myself when I say that although I have studied in the Bible, I know far more about the Book of Mormon than I do about the Bible. Thank you for pointing out one of the lessons the Bible teaches. It's far too easy for me overlook the simple messages that Jesus taught in the bible. Thank you for posting here. Melody

Melody: Let me first start off by saying I was molested by my grandfather from what I remember (but I think it went on longer) is at least 5 years. I have my first memory of things starting when I was only three, but my gut tells me it went on longer. Anyway to your questions. When Presidnet Hinckley said to forgive, he meant forgive the sinner. Our Heavenly Father does not expect us to forgive/condone the action as it is a very evil action. Let me share something with you. I am a convert of the Church. I have been baptized now for about 9 1/2 years. Before I joined the CHurch I knew my Savior, He was and is my best friend, my Savior in every sense of the word, not just spiritually but also physically. As you are aware, going through abuse (anytype) weakens and can dystroy your spirit if you let it. I was blessed that even before I joined the Church I knew my Savior. Now I didn't know I had a Father in Heaven who loved me - but that is a different story. I say can weaken/dystory our spirit if we let it because the power of the Atonement is real and it can and will take all pain away, if we allow it to be taken. And that even goes for the parents of the child who was hurt, you. One day you will come to realize that you don't need to forgive what happened but you have fully forgiven the person. Does that make sense? It is a hard road to travel, being abused, but I would not trade it for anything in this world. Because of what happened to me I am the person I am today, and I rather like that person. So no, you do not have to forgive the act, but yes you do have to forgive the person...my personal feelings is that the main reason we have to forgive the other person is not so much for them...but it brings us to a different and much more spiritual level. I can not say I am happy with what I went through...but Heavenly Father made something terrible change into something wonderful. I now have empathy for others that I would not have if I didn't go through what I did and I am a very strong person with a secure foundation built upon the gospel of Jesus Christ, of whom he is my best friend and understands everybit about me...even parts my husband doesn't undertand. One day it will all turn out for the good...and yes you may even be thankful you all went through what you did...not that hurting is nice but it is kindof the refiners fire. Anyway, this is long enough. Have a great night. Virginia

Virginia, I answered your post but somehow I must have been in to much of a hurry because the post never showed up. So here goes again. As usual with me when I have to re-write something, it's the Readers Digest version and not as long or detailed as the original. Thank you for using your insight to strengthen and uplift me. A priesthood member told me to take this negative and turn it into a positive. I couldn't think what that positive could possibly be. He then told me that maybe the positive would be that I could use my insight to help another going through a similar situation. You, Virginia have done just that. You have turned your situation into a positive and have helped me and I'm sure countless others with your insight and your wisdom. Thank you for your post. Have a wonderful day. May the Lord send extra blessings your way for your words and your actions. Melody