I'm home from the hospital

REPOST From the Over 50 Forum. I'm a bit tired and worn down tonight. So I just copied this from the OFF Board. I know Melody you said you couldn't find Jeannie's posts. You have to go back a few pages. And even so she didn't really go into detail. Only bits and pieces. The posts from her started on the 6th I think. Anyway...this is somewhat of what I was in there for. Not much of an explanation. Just brief. I'm very weak physically and also emotionally. Love, Gala I'm home. Weak physically and emotionally. But home. The hard work starts from here. Feel a bit batter and bruised emotionally. As you may have read from Jeannie's updates and then what bit I said I was in there for Anorexia, severe depression, suicidal ideations (never had a 'plan' - just didn't want to live) and then left w/added dx of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I can't say that anything is horrible better. But the one thing that came out of this is: A: My DH is just that..>Darling. I know our marriage will suffer. I know that it isn't all sugar and spice and everything nice. However, it was a hard wake up call for James to realize the depths of my depression - all along he had no frickin' clue. he just thought I was "moody" as always. When he recieved the call from my therapist he was very shocked to say the least. Some of the other things that have came out (to him at least) over the last 12 days has brought us closer. It could have torn our marriage even further apart. However, it didn't. He has shown me the depths of his love more than I could ever imagine. Just thinking about it makes me cry. He told me last night when we were laying in bed that he 'wants to be my best friend'. I believe he is sincere and hope and pray that we can move forward from this point. I'm doing okay. The not wanting live, this stinks, just want to go to sleep and not wake up feelings are still there. Especially when I'm very overwhelmed and the anxiety attacks come on. The incident w/me falling/passing out in the shower this morning was figured out. I took the wrong medication this morning. Thinking I was taking lexapro and I didn't. I ended up taking trazadone. Which makes me lightheaded and usually fall asleep right away. I then went and took a very warm shower which added to the affects. I didn't realize this till the dr. at the hospital looked over the meds I took back and we saw that I took the wrong ones. The bottles were labeled with their generic names and so that screwed me up. So from here it is moving forward. I've been given 2 books to look into. One is on PTSD and the other is a rape recovery handbook. I've done a few of the exercises from the 2nd book so I think I will start with trying to get that from the library. Thanks again for those who have called/emailed ect ect. You can not know how much it meant to me. The road is still long. I'm not sure that there is much of a light at the end. However, the light is a bit brighter today than it was 2 days ago....and even more so 12 days ago. Thanks and Love, Gala

Gala, I'm so sorry that you have to go through these additional emotional problems. I'm sorry that you didn't have a core support that reassured you that you are loved, important and needed here. I just read a book by Sister Sherrie Dew titled "No one can take your place". We are placed on this earth at this time with these cir****tances because we CAN handle them. Yes, they're hard. Yes, they can be miserable but no one else can take our place. We are here because we have been sent here at this time in this place. No one can take our place. We are daughters of the supreme being and as such we have a royal calling and a royal duty to stand firm in the trials we face. Does that make you feel better? Probably not. Just know that your Heavenly Father knows you and loves you and wants what is best for you. I'm very glad that your DH got a wake up call and reallizes how difficult your life is right now. You can use all the emotional support from him that you can get. Our DHs need to realize that they can give emotional support that no one else can give. Hang in there Gala. Take one day at a time or even one moment at a time. You're in my prayers. I don't just say that. I truely pray for you often. Love, Melody

I am so glad you are home and coping for the most part. I was reading the ensign about depression. I hope you know that this is not your fault and certaintly you are not being punished in any way shape or form. In the meantime, please get a blessing. Maybe your DH should get one too. He will need some extra devine interevention to help you. Also, put your names on the Temple prayer list. Just call your local temple and submit your names. We will remember you and your family in our prayers. Tammy

I'm so sorry that life has gotten hard. I'm glad you are getting help that you need and pray that the Lord watches over you. I agree, get a blessing...and yes your DH needs one too. All this is just as hard on him if he loves like you say. When you hurt, he hurts. You are blessed to have him. Also, don't forget to call on your VT...they can really help you through. Take care Christy