Hi friends, I posted this on the post op pregnancy board and I thought maybe I'd bring it over here and share it with all of you. It's LOOOOOOOONG, so go pee and get a snack before you start reading! So Sarah fell asleep on the couch really early tonight. At about 11:00 pm I was about to get her and put her in bed when she woke up on her own. She was fine for a minue, then she was just on a rampage.. She wanted her cup, but she didn't want her cup. She got on the couch, then off, then stumbled around the room just screaming and crying. She stumbled over Noahs shoes a few times, but wouldn't let me move them and wouldn't go around them. Finally, I just sat there helplessly watching my sweet baby have a TERRIBLE time. I knew that if she would just let me help her, just listen to the sound of my voice and let it soothe her, she would be okay. After all, aren't I her MOM? Don't I know what's best for her? I suddenly felt slapped in the face when I realized that this has to be (a fraction of) how God feels as He watches us stumble around making our mistakes. If only we'd let Him help us in the way that He know's is best. If only we'd stop and listen, we would be okay. We wouldn't struggle so hard and wouldn't have those scarey "out of control" times. God must feel awful when we ignore him; when we ignore what's right. Today there was an example of one of Gods Children turning their back on Him, and as a result destroying and altering the lives of so many others of Gods children. I wonder how long that one child stumbled around in darkness? Was this the result of many years of ignoring God, maybe just a little bit at a time. Was it just something that suddenly happened? How does someone do that? How do people do all of the awful things that happen a zillion times a day in this world? I don't think that most people are bad. I don't believe that every person that does something horrible is a horrible person. I think that people stop listening to God. I think that little by little they grow immune to the tugs at their heart. I think that people become blinded by their own pain and confusion and end up stumbling when they don't need to (Like my Sarah stumbling over Noahs shoes). I cried as I watched Sarah tonight. I wonder how much God cries. I know that many of you will find this silly;some of you may even be offended by it. I just couldn't get it off my mind, and I needed to babble. Now that I've written this, I'm going to try harder; I'm going to be a better listener so I can hear God telling me how to get around all the "shoes" in my life. Maybe if I really try, he'll even pick some of them up off of the floor for me. Have a good night. Thanks to whoever had the patience to read this silly novel. Daph

I didn't get on the board at all yesterday and didn't see your Roll Call shout out. We just finished our two day Stake Conference. It was wonderful. I sat in the very front both for the Saturday night session and the Sunday session. I swear it seemed to me that the Stake Presidency when they talked often looked directly into my eyes. I took what they said very seriously and knew the messages were meant for me. I have a goal this year to attend the temple every month. Our next trip is planned for 3 days from now. It's wonderful to be able to go. Our home teachers came last night. They brought with them a gift. They brought me my very own copy of the DVD "The Testament". We'll watch it for Family Home evening tonight. It seems like time just flies. I'm subbing at the school several times a month which is plenty for me. I sub all grades. Actually it feels more like I babysit at the school. It isn't very often that I actually get to "teach" which is a good thing because it's been 30 years since I graduated from high school. Thanks for the "Shout out". We do need to show our support for each other and be more responsive on this board. Melody

((HUGS))) Melody!! I've been on a bit of a hiatus (sp?). Just logged into this board and read your post and Daph's responses. I couldn't agree with her any more!! Take every second of every hour that you feel anger, pain, ec tect and put into healing yourself and your sweet little babies!! Different from Daph - in that my son was molested by his bio grandfather prior to us adopting him. I have thought many times that I had 'forgiven' him. I've recently been reminded that I've not truly forgiven ANYONE who was involved in Cor's life before we adopted him OR anyone involved in placing him w/us (AKA..LDS Family Services). It has/will come back to haunt me for the rest of my life. This situation may prevent me from ever being a mom again. And has led Satan to work his wonders in my life more than one would ever imagine. I've contemplated leaving the church because of my strong feelings towards the priesthood holders (his grandfather, the ldsfs social worker, and bio grandfathers bishop) for standing behind his grandfather - because "why else would a rightous (sp) molest his grandson whom he loved...ect ect ect. Melody, I think many of our earthly beings have not reached the point of being able to truly know that the atonement is not only for the sinner but for every one involved!! I hope and pray you will be able to have a good day and spend some extra special time w/your little angels!! love, Gala

Christy, I don't post often but your son served part of his mission here in Vancouver. Tell him that there was a big meeting with all of the missionaries on Saturday morning in The Dallas and the Mission President has been called home to treat a serious cancer. It was all very sudden. I thought that your son would want to know. There is a temp this week and then they will have a new Mission Pres. This man is only 47 years old. How sad for his family. Barbara

Melody, I wish I could say "I'm glad I could help", but I'm not. I wish that you didn't have to deal with this at all. I think that sending a camera with your Mom is a lovely idea. I also believe that this will help you on your Journey to forgiveness. Since reading your post and due to the Easter holiday, I've done alot of thinking about forgiveness and The Atonement. This is what I came up with. Remember how I said in my earlier response that not wanting the people who molested me to die a painful death was probably the closest I could get to forgiveness? Well, it came to me that The Atonement doesn't just cover sin and pain, it also covers our human imperfections. I know that I need to forgive, I pray for help forgiving, I strive to forgive, and even if I can't do it perfectly, our Saviors Atonement fills in the gaps. In other words, our forgiveness doesn't have to be perfect as long as our desire to forgive is real. Give lots of hugs and kisses to those sweet girls. Take the pain that you feel over this and turn it into love for them. Every time your heart aches, plant a kiss on one of those precious foreheads. I just said a prayer for you. I'm here if you need me, and if you ever need to talk, just send me a personal message, and I'll give you my phone #. Daph