Welcome and congratualtions on taking the first step. For many of us, this is the last resort. At least for me it was. But I had my husband's support as well as that of my two kids. This is the best thing that I have ever done. And I have had a lot of surgery. This was not my first one and I can say that I have no regrets. But I will counsel you to pray about it and talk with your bishop. Telling people about what you are going to do, will allow them to support you. Don't pay too much attention to the people that say not to do this. It is your life, not theirs and they have no idea just how hard it is. This is going to change your life and your self esteem. Good Luck! Donna

To Tell or Not to Tell? That is a VERY VERY tough choice. And it is something that only YOU can decide. We can all give you advice but in the end it is your choice. There is no reason why your family, church members or work need to know. It is a very personal choice. Me..I have a big mouth. I don't keep anything quiet. I do know several people who have not told a sole. If you choose to go this route - then you take a medical leave of absense. You ask for a blessing for "medical reasons". Your family can know that you have "health problems" and you are having surgery. Plain and simple. If your family is distant than don't tell them. I dont' know. It is really up to you and your wife. One thing I have found that has helped me a great deal (and my husband even though he wouldn't admit it) is seeing a therapist. Call the Surgeon's group you are going threw and ask for a referral if you think that this is something that would help. I have seen a therapist for some time. I have contemplated changing to a clinical psychologist that works w/the bariatric team and has done some support groups. She is all of 5f 5in and 100 lbs soak and wet. She is so in tuned to the mind - body relationship. She did a lot of research on hinduism, holistic medicine and other 'alternative' -- and she is all about "being kind to your body". She teaches NIA classes and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to attend them. I live an hour away though so that would be hard. I think we can all relate to being embarrased and not wanting to go into our children's schools, swim lessons, and other activities. That will all change!! My kids live at the pool in the summer. My daughter has had swimming lessons all summer long for the last 3 summers. I HATED to have to get in the water w/her. I have parents who knew I had surgery this summer. The other day I was out to lunch w/some other bus drivers at McD's -- and one of the moms came up to me and says "Gala, I have to just tell you how amazing you look. How much weight have you lost? -- Can I guess? I said sure I dont' care. She guessed 95-100 lbs. I replied w/no about 65-70 but I'm working on 100. She couldnt believe that 70 was it because I looked much thinner than that. She also went on to say "and you can eat at McD's.." I replied "Yep, I pay out the nose for a salad and some chicken. But it ends up being 3 meals for me." She laughed and she went on her way. Anyway -- take it one step at a time. Hang in there. My computer is giving me problems. I guess it is a sign that I need to turn it off and go to bed. So....off I go. Gala

In my head I know they love me, but I just feel alone. I feel like I have shamed them somehow. My wife is not intimate with me any more, even though I try. She says it has nothing to do with my size, but I don't believe that. I don't like going to my children's preschool because I don't want them teased and I hate the staring. I hate meeting my wife's co-workers for the same reason. I hate seeing people that knew me when I was thinner because I hear insensitive things. My mom is always asking me what size I wear or how much I weigh. I hate people bringing it up. The only people I have been able to talk about this is with people that don't know me personally. I have been able to tell people I don't know that I weigh 440 pounds. The symposium I went to this week was theraputic. The one thing I am afraid of is telling others I am doing something about it and that is because it involves talking about my weight and that I have a problem. I don't know how to bring it up at work, to my family, or to people at church that I am having the surgery. What did you all do?

It's about time you got some good news, it sounds like your prayers have really been answered. I know that you were dreading surgery. Did you have the pain the same day you had all the testing and procedures done? I wonder if it was just your body's way of rebelling. I'm sorry that you've had to experience more pain and discomfort. No surgery though is good news. Thanks for sharing. Melody

Jonathan, Don't be embarrassed!!! Your love for them is the same if you are 100 lbs or 400 lbs. And I would think theirs for you is the same. I do know though how you feel. I felt the same way when doing things w/my children. Ages 2, 5 and 10. They were just under 2 and 5 when we had our surgeries. Keep us posted. There must have been another Elder here w/the same name because I am quite certain I recognized your name. Small world. Gala