My concerns were confirmed...

Yesterday, I went to the pre-op appointments Ben had at Duke. Of course, there were several others there who were also getting ready for their respective surgeries and one was a woman who about the same size and shape that I was pre-op. After talking awhile she asked if I had any pre-op photos and I did. I went out to the car and brought them in during a break. She and several others were looking at my photos and one of the ladies said "Oh! So you didn't have those wrinkles and bags under your eyes or that turkey neck before surgery. Wow! Look at what has happened when you lost all that fat."

I nearly died. I didn't say a word, but I felt like someone sucker punched me. I know that I'm sensitive about the changes that have occured. Sometimes I even think I'm making a mountain out of mole hill until I get a comment like that. 

Sorry for whining... 

Ohh Barbara. Some people can be so insensitive. I am proud of you for not saying a word. I have a BIG mouth and I would have said something and it would not have been nice. THE NERVE of some people. I can't believe that she said that. IF I had been there I would have smacked her for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to think I am a social worker. HEE HEE.

Just remember you did the surgery for the right reasons. To be healthier. Some people do the surgery because they think they are going to look like they did when they were 18. BOY is she in for a rude awakening. I think you are doing a good job adjusting to all of the changes that have happened since you have lost all of your weight. Everyone has their ups and downs. It is important to talk to your support system and not let things get to you.

JUST REMEMBER.........YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON...........YOU are a STRONGER person because of what you have been through since your weight loss surgery.

Tamara

Hi Tamara,

Thanks for the support and kindness. I appreciate both. I know that I did this because I wanted to live longer and better and I think and hope that I will. But I have to honestly say that I was looking forward to being 'beautiful' and have been disappointed in the fact that I look significantly older since I dropped down below 160. I look enough older that other people comment and I am probably as surprised by how much older I look as I am by how much smaller I am. I was never a slender 18 year old, so I don't have that frame of reference and I have to say that I wasn't wanting or hoping to 'recapture' my youth, but I hate looking older than I did before and older than I feel today.

I have been working on trying to reconcile my feelings about all of this and I guess I have been trying to tell myself that 'it isn't as bad' as I thought it was, but when she made the comments, it brought all of those insecurities and discomforts that I had 'not so neatly' tucked into a box, come flying out. I just need to work on accepting that the wrinkles and bags around my eyes and the jowls and turkey neck are in great part scars of my obesity and somewhat just good ole age catching up with me... but have to tell you, I didn't have that stuff 18 months ago... I didn't even have it last year, when I was about 30 lbs heavier than I am now. There is a part of me that would just like to gain back 20 to 30 lbs, so that I'll plump up and not look so OLD.

Thanks again for the support and I'll let you know if I need someone to come slap somebody straight. LOL

Barb
Your post just made my blood pressure go back to Pre-Op HIGH... WTF is that stupid ***** talking to you like that for? You have known me for a long time and you know I say it like it is.... Shes lucky I was not in the room, I would of kicked her ass six ways till next Sunday. HOW RUDE OF HER TO SAY THAT!!! Im sure she was perfect looking right? OMG DONT even listen to her.. its called JEALOUSY..... your thin, you can wear what you want... SHE CANT!!!! I have a friend who has been taking stabs like *wow you look anorexic and sickly now* shes mad because she put on 20 lbs. She likes to talk about how hard it is in the *real world* to lose weight.. LOL she knew me when I was thin and saw me get fat and struggle with it.

Barb I DO take things way to serious myself, I am a Cancer...the moon child... the sensitive one that always takes things the hard way, the wrong way and wants everyone to be happy.. but you F*ck with my friends you better run B*tch!!!!! again you look beautiful so dont worry about what some senseless pathetic loser said to YOU!!!!

Darcie...

Thanks so much for your unwaivering support. I was upset that she said that, but probably more upset that I concurred.

Thanks again,

That was tactless to say the least.  I am so sorry that this person said something like that to you.  I would have probably burst into tears. 

I have always said you are a beautiful person - both inside and out.  No one can take that away from you.  You are an inspiration to many.  Howa many times have you said to us *I would rather have my health - this WLS was worth it and I would do it again* ???

You were not whining - you were telling us - your friends - about something that was upsetting....

Love you,
Shelia

Hi Shelia,

Thank you for your kindness and support. I appreciate your sentiments more than I can say and I know it's important to be beautiful inside ... I, like many of us, strive for that. I also know that my health is more important than 'how I look,' but that said, I still find my reflection troubling and disappointing and I think that this comment just 're-validated' some of those concerns and related disappointments.

Thank you for making this a safe place to air my concerns. No one else can truly understand this journey quite as well as those who travel the road with us. For this I truly thank you.

 

Don't worry Barb!  they should only hope and pray that they will look as good as you do when they are post-op.  Don't stress one bit about your battle scars.... you worked damned hard for them!

Hi Alice...

Thanks for the support and concern. I know that I worked hard to get where I am today, but to be honest, I don't want the 'battle scars' whether I earned 'em or not.  While I don't want the health issues of the quality of life problems associated with all of that extra weight, I wish I didn't look the way she said I do and I feel I do. 

That said, today is a new day ... I think I'll just try to avoid the mirror and I skipped the Duke support group meeting because I just wasn't up to seeing her again... I'll go next time.

Barb,
The woman I saw at th Raleigh meet up is a beautiful woman. That woman was you. If I look half as good as you when I am finished with this wls process I will be one happy lady. Don't gage your looks on what a hurtful person says. She is probably jealous or somewhat afraid of wls. When I look in the mirror I see what all the excess weight has done to ravage my body. But I am so happy with my results thus far that I try to look beyond that. I had a comment by a younger wls person at how my knees sagged and hers didn't. Hurt a little but I kept right on wearing my shorts.
Barb you are beautiful.....don't let a twit rain on your parade and lessen how good you feel about your success.
Myrtis