Confession

Hi guys.  I need to confess something right now.  I binged on food this morning.  I was doing so good then I started my period.  I started having all of these cravings and because of my addiction to food I gave in to them.  It started with a starbucks mocha frap and the big one at that. I ate a big cinammon role and 3 doghnuts.  Then I had ice cream and carrot cake.  This is sick.  Then I had rice a roni.  I think I was craving carbs.  This is a lot of food.  Sometimes I wish I could eat all that then throw it up.  I have actually tried but I just can't. This is humiliating for me to admit.  I am supposed to be an example and an inspiration to everyone.  I have lost 107 pounds and still have 50+ pounds to go.  Why do I do this? I feel like crap.  My stomach is gurgling and yelling at me.  The problem with me is that when I do crave something I fight it so hard instead of finding a sensible low fat alternative to satisfy that craving.  Then I give in to that craving and to literally punish myself for giving in I eat everything I can get my hands on.  Why does food have this control over me?  Will it ever go away?  It's 2:00 and I am not putting another bad thing in my mouth today.  That is my promise to you guys.  Tomorrow is a new day but doing this makes me feel ugly, fat, and lazy.  I need some encouragement.  We all have bad days and today was mine. 

Girl it's alright.  You didn't make the best choices but we can't all be expected to be on pointe 100% of the time.  So count this as one of your down days and move on.  You'll be okay.  We're here for you.

Thanks Janina.  I'm crying right now.  I'm drinking some ice tea with splenda and am really feeling down.  Losing weight is so dang hard.  I should go for a walk.  I so regret eating all that food.  Why don't I realize that before I do it.  Someone slap me please.

no slapping from me...you aren't Chris, so the urge is just not there for me!  LOL Hey, me 2:  my body has changed, the rare times I binge/almost binge are now directly associated with a couple days before my period. Now when I feel the need to be bad, I catch the date and register it, and recognize I need a little more food. Carbs, too, for me.  Less sweets, but rice...mmmmmbabaaaay.  Go for a walk, drink water and eat a normal supper!  By being human, you ARE an example to all of us. I wouldn't freakin believe you anyway if you siad you NEVER did this.

Confession is good for the soul!!!!!!  And misery loves company so I'll do some confessing.  Yesterday at work was very stressful, so I ate some cookies.  Not one cookie, not two cookies but like 15 cookies!!!! YIKES!!!!!  Want to hear the worst thing?  Cookies give me a HUGE case of heartburn.  So I am eating and gagging.  What am I, an ANIMAL?????????????   Let me tell you, those carbs are evil, downright evil!!!!  They make you eat and then eat more.  So I go home and I am feeling godawful sick.  I'm SURE that I won't eat dinner, definitely shouldn't eat dinner.  Guess what???? I ate dinner!!!! It was a chicken breast and broccoli, but I wasn't even hungry!!!!!! Yup, I'm an animal!!! Today I was right back on track.  I hated myself, beat myself up and then moved on.  You are going to move on too.  You have the tools but you are also human, completely human.  Put it behind you and move on.  You certainly DID NOT gain 107 pounds back over one binge.  And I know in the end you probably didn't enjoy half of it!!!! Good luck in moving on, and don't be so hard on yourself.  Nobody is perfect! Donna 

Ok it's 630 now.  I want to eat more.  I ate 1 strawberry.  I still have those carbs packed in up to my throat.  I am defenitely a pig.  Should I laugh or cry?  I could eat more you know.  I went to the mall with my kids.  I saw my reflection in a mirror and I do look a lot smaller.  That made me feel good.  My kids wanted a soft serve ice cream from DQ/Orange Julius.  I did think about getting something for myself like one of everything and you know what.  I thought about the promise I made to you guys.  I got a water and kept my word.  On days that I binge I fight this urge all day.  I feel like the damage is done I may as well finish the day with all the bad things I can fit in to my fat mouth.  Back to drinking some ice tea.  Thanks for being here and keeping me accountable.  Boy is it humiliating to confess what I ate. 

I can relate to you so much on your confession. I have never truely confessed of what I have eaten when I binge I could probably top you to be honest it's humilating and I give you kudos for actually admitting it. I always think the same way....eat all of this then go throw it up I have tried several times too it doesn't work for me. But just look on to tomorrow and keep going and forget about it. Hugs to you, I feel your pain. Just keep going you are still a HUGE inspiration to me.

While we're all confessing I had a bad lunch yesterday.  Okay it's not "bad" but I was bad. I'm going with Andrea on the no food is bad thing.  The portion was bad...There.. :)   Anyways, it's my last week here at this job and everyone wants to take me out to eat.  Yesterday I was taken out to Japanese.  For lunch I had at least 2.5 cups of fried rice with 1/2 cup of the shrimp/white sauce and lots of soy sauce in addition to the chicken. I'm guessing it was about 8oz.  Told myself I wouldn't eat it all but it was on my plate and sure enough I ate it all except about a 1/4 cup of the rice.   I hadn't had much for breakfast because I was running late so had a 100 calorie breakfast. I didn't feel too guilty about eating it I was just mad because I couldn't stop eating it.  I was full all the way till 8pm. I had promised myself I wouldn't eat badly for dinner so we had eggs with mushrooms & onions and turkey bacon in a 50 calorie whole grain flatout/wrap. I ate 3 of them which equaled to about 3 strips of turkey bacon and 2 eggs.   Not too bad but I could've done without the 3rd one. Still, not too bad... Don't hate yourself!.  We all screw up and I'm probaly the biggest screw up here. It's all in the past now and nothing you can do about it.  You had a good night so that's what counts.  Best of all, you recognized the trigger and learned from it so next month you can remember this and avoid it more easily. Neecee is obsessed with me.  I'm going to have to get a restraining order.  She's always trying to give me those love slaps and stuff.  Man.. I must be getting too hot and skinny for my own good!