I think I'm beginning to panic!!

Hi everyone! I think reality is starting to set in once again and I am beginning to really panic. What that other surgeon told me what was to be done is such a major thing to do and I am getting scared and overwhelmed. I think once things are thrown in my face, I break down b/c I'm human I guess. I have an apt. w/my surgeon this friday to talk about what the other surgeon said and I really dont want to go. Trust me I love the man to death but I think my heart is broken...it isnt broken by him just by my situation I think. I think I am also scared of being weighed again for the two outcomes that most likely will happen: 1- I lost more weight and I am put on the TPN and I cant beat around it anymore. 2-I gained weight and he says "oh look, thats good!" (like its the happiest news in the world) even though I still cant eat and feel like crap almost everyday. I think I am just beyond traumatized by all of this. But I cant get space until I am better, but it feels like I am going around in a circle all the time! I just feel that I have gotten my hopes up so many times before and really believed it was all going to get better but now I just feel like my heart is broken that is has come down to this. I guess I just have to do what I have to do but there is just so much one person can take! I feel all I do is wait while I retch in the corner. I mean what the heck. Nevermind me, I look at my husband,(as you all know is a great guy) and my son and know they dont deserve any of this. This all just plainly sucks. Blah blah and another blah. Sorry for the babble!

(((((((((((((Tavia))))))))))))))))))))))) let me start out by hugging you because you need it now more then ever! You aren't babbling sugar you are going through some very difficult times and we're going to help you get healthy. You see, no one goes through this life alone, we pick up the people we need at the time we need them along the way. You have the heart of a race horse, you can go long distances under extreme stress, you will be fine they will find a way to help you. Your son and your husband don't think they are getting the short end of the stick you think they are, you are wrong, you are an awesome mother and a wonderful wife who cares, who could ask for more? If G*D Forbid poo poo poo (i'm jewish we're superstitious) someone had Cancer would you begrudge them the proper treatment or think their family was putting up with a lot, NO you'd fight with everything you had.....same thing here my dear?! You keep on fighting and plodding along, if you need to email me everyday for a pep talk i'll answer you back every single day!!!! Be Well and Be Healthy and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! ANDI

Tavia, Many Many Many Hugs.... ..... I am so so sorry you are going through this. You babble all you want. I just wish hope and pray things get better for you really really soon! Hang in there... I know you are doing the BEST that you can! Come here and talk to us all you want! That is what we are here for! hugs! Marla : fairy:

Hey you, Thank you so much!!!

Tavia, I am usually watching from the sidelines, but your post is so touching I wanted to send hugs. Hang in there. Take care, Mary

Hi Mary, Thanks for responding and for the hugs, I truly to mean that!

Hi Tavia, Now that I can finally post without problems, I think your scientology people got ahold of my puter too. LOL Anyway, you have every right to panic. For all that you have been through, I don't think I could have been near as strong as you have been. Just remember you have everyone here praying for you. You do what you need to do to get well. I can't wait for you to be able to eat real food. It is something that most of us take for granted. I can't imagine how awful it is to have to have only liquids for as long as you have had to. Keep your faith and I know you will come through with flying colors and hopefully soon a real meal to eat. We love ya Tavia. If you need to come here to panic or babble or whatever, you go right ahead that is what it is for and what we all are here for to get or give support to one another. Love ya girlfriend ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Shannon

peek a boo!! I like the new pic!! Fabulous! I think my panic mode is calmed down now. I am sure once my date comes closer, I will be pooping in my pants again, but oh well. I am trying to look at this as the final step in getting me better and helping me move on! Yes this all has been quite awful but what can you do! I think of it has my hard and long lession in eating better and healther. I will never take my health for granted as that is for sure! Thanks again! love ya too! (((((HUGS)))))))

In your shoes I'd be flipping out as well. I wish there was something, anything I could do for you, but all any of us can do is pray and support you in you struggles. Please know your in my daily prayers and thoughts for you. Best of luck! Kenny

Hey you... Panic is normal....You have been through so much....You have a wonderful support system and None of you deserve this but you will get through it....I dont understand why we are tested like this from the powers that be....But your strength and courage and determination to get better inspires me every day. You are an amazing person and have made such a difference in my life and i know the lives of many others. You just keep fighting this with all you got and then when you are all done we will go get our tattoos!!!!!!!! Love Ya LisaMarie