What a surprise ! and not the good kind
Well today i went to see the Nurse Practioner (Patti) , very nice woman, who did my weigh in and all that ..and i actually had to take a moment to comprehend the numbers i saw....223..At first i thought that was pounds, and was surprised as i knew that could not be right and then it dawned on me that it was 223 kilos..or 512lbs...i almost dropped (thank goodnees i didn't or a crane would need to come)..i started to cry..i didn't mean to but it just came..how did i get to this point...i feel so terribly sick to my stomach..i feel so much hate towards my self...yes i know this is my fault but i honestly have been trying really hard...my doctor could never give me an accurate reading as the scales did not go that high but i never expected to weigh half a ton! Literally that's what i am...nurse must have seen the look on my face and tried to cheer me up by telling me that at least i don't have to do a sleep study (as i have no issues) and that i have no co-abnormalites as so many do.. i put on a smile as i know she was trying...i just wish i had my parents to say that they still love me because right now i don't love myself...all i see is a big blob of failure and embarrassment...i really just needed to cry this one out and talk to others who may have felt or feel this way..i feel more alone now than i did....
Your post makes me so sad. I'm so incredibly sorry that you're feeling so down on yourself and alone right now. Those numbers on a scale are real esteem-killers. Know that you are doing something about that number! You are not complacently sitting back - you're going through a process to make yourself healthy. Please know that you're NOT alone. We all care and we're here to support you in any way we can.
Sending you a hug because you obviously need one! xo
Sending you a hug because you obviously need one! xo
Karen
Ontario Recipes Forum - http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/ontario_recipes/ 
I think it is a shock for all of us when we really absorb what our true weight actually is. We all lie to ourselves, fool ourselves into believing we are smaller than we are, et****il we see a picture or step on a scale and it hits home. And that happens even if we go into this at 250 or 300 pounds too.
You are still the same you regardless of what your outer packaging is. And the most important thing is that you are now taking steps to improve your packaging, which will also improve your health. But you are what is INSIDE that packaging. And I know how hard it is to see past that. It is very easy to see yourself as a failure and someone who doesn't deserve love, but that is simply not true. And it is too easy to settle into that self hating spot and let it build and build. So you have to take steps to not let that happen.
Continue to be the good person that you are. Love yourself for the dreams and ideas you have, your intellect, your humour, your kindness and generosity, for the things you love to do and things that make you unique. And forget all the negative stuff. And in time your packaging will become smaller and more in line with what your brain thought it should be all along. And eventually your mind's view of yourself will match the mirror. But you know what....even when that happens you will still be the same you inside. Embrace that you.
You are still the same you regardless of what your outer packaging is. And the most important thing is that you are now taking steps to improve your packaging, which will also improve your health. But you are what is INSIDE that packaging. And I know how hard it is to see past that. It is very easy to see yourself as a failure and someone who doesn't deserve love, but that is simply not true. And it is too easy to settle into that self hating spot and let it build and build. So you have to take steps to not let that happen.
Continue to be the good person that you are. Love yourself for the dreams and ideas you have, your intellect, your humour, your kindness and generosity, for the things you love to do and things that make you unique. And forget all the negative stuff. And in time your packaging will become smaller and more in line with what your brain thought it should be all along. And eventually your mind's view of yourself will match the mirror. But you know what....even when that happens you will still be the same you inside. Embrace that you.
Oh my goodness, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Please know that there is a super support system here that is willing to listen/talk anytime you need it. We are behind you all the way, and there are so many people on here that feel, or have felt, that way too. No matter how many times we have failed in the past, this tool is here to help us succeed. Best of luck to you and keep in touch so we can help you though this.
Debbie
Referal: June 23, 2011; Info: August 26, 2011; Dr.: July3, 2012; U/S: July 13, 2012; Beh/Nut: Aug 13, 2012; Ed class: Aug 22, 2012; Scope: Sept 7, 2012; Met with surgeons fellow: Sept 17, 2012; SURGERY: Nov 16, 2012 with Dr. Mamazza.
Referal: June 23, 2011; Info: August 26, 2011; Dr.: July3, 2012; U/S: July 13, 2012; Beh/Nut: Aug 13, 2012; Ed class: Aug 22, 2012; Scope: Sept 7, 2012; Met with surgeons fellow: Sept 17, 2012; SURGERY: Nov 16, 2012 with Dr. Mamazza.
(deactivated member)
on 11/23/11 3:04 am - Bumfuknowhere, Canada
on 11/23/11 3:04 am - Bumfuknowhere, Canada
We all get upset as we move into numbers we never thought we would see. As Karen said you are now on a path to take care of that.
My little math nerd needs to correct you though. 223 kilos is not 512 lbs it's 490 lbs and even at 512 lbs, you are still not half a ton as a ton is 2000 lbs. This correction was to add some humor and hopefully make you feel better. Chin up and just keep moving forward with the process and those numbers will just be a part of your past.
My little math nerd needs to correct you though. 223 kilos is not 512 lbs it's 490 lbs and even at 512 lbs, you are still not half a ton as a ton is 2000 lbs. This correction was to add some humor and hopefully make you feel better. Chin up and just keep moving forward with the process and those numbers will just be a part of your past.
My heart goes out to you I'm sending you a hug 
You are never alone we are here for you I know we can not replace the love of your parents but you came to the right place to share your feelings because we know how you truly feel. Keep your head high you are well on your way to a new you and to a fresh beginning. Take care of your self xo
You are never alone we are here for you I know we can not replace the love of your parents but you came to the right place to share your feelings because we know how you truly feel. Keep your head high you are well on your way to a new you and to a fresh beginning. Take care of your self xo 
St Joes Hamilton Ref Sent 01/20/11 Surgery 08/23/11 with Dr.Gmora. My
Tanya T
You have reached out to the best people here on this forum. There is always such good feed back from everyone on here. You are not alone!! We all feel or have felt the same way one time or another. You have made a postive step to get healthy. Good for you! You will succeed!! The numbers on the scale are numbers they are not who you are. You will change the numbers and get healthier and that is the main thing. We are all so lucky to have these surgeries to help us get healthier. A lot of people are not so lucky. I am looking forward to following your journey. Good luck!! Monique
Referral - Sept.23.2010, Orientation - June 8.2010, Nurse&S.W. - July 28.2011, Nutrition Class - Aug.2.2011, Nutritionist - Sept.13.2011, Psych - Sept.15.2011, Surgeon - Oct.21.2011, Surgery - November 1, 2011.
I know what you're feeling. Part of the reason we get to this point, is because we're in denial. I felt nauseated when i saw my number on the scale. it truly is sickening.
The other day, at my support group, we were talking about our self image. One of the women said that sometimes she still sees herself as the obese person she was. I don't, because i never saw that person. I don't have a full length mirror in my house, and the only time i saw "her" was when she caught me by surprise in a store window or something. And every time i did, i felt sick to my stomach. I felt like a failure because i did that to myself.
I think i wrote a blog, or a forum post, about that last winter, seeing my image in a store window, before my surgery. I too, remember feeling so incredibly alone, and so much like a failure.
We love you. We know where you are right now, we've all been there, to some degree or another. All of us have seen different numbers on the scale, but they're numbers that are devastating to us.
The nurse was right to try to cheer you up. It is good that you don't have comorbidities and you don't need a sleep study. THose things mean that you have a better chance of being successful, because you're in good health. That means that there are two fewer barriers between you and your surgery.
I wish i could give you a hug, and tell you just how wonderful a person you are. Congratulations for being able to have this surgery. Congratulations for coming here and seeking support, in a posting that must have been so difficult to write. You are not a failure. You are a success, just for that simple fact that you stepped on that scale, and that you came here and shared this with us.
Thank you for being here.
The other day, at my support group, we were talking about our self image. One of the women said that sometimes she still sees herself as the obese person she was. I don't, because i never saw that person. I don't have a full length mirror in my house, and the only time i saw "her" was when she caught me by surprise in a store window or something. And every time i did, i felt sick to my stomach. I felt like a failure because i did that to myself.
I think i wrote a blog, or a forum post, about that last winter, seeing my image in a store window, before my surgery. I too, remember feeling so incredibly alone, and so much like a failure.
We love you. We know where you are right now, we've all been there, to some degree or another. All of us have seen different numbers on the scale, but they're numbers that are devastating to us.
The nurse was right to try to cheer you up. It is good that you don't have comorbidities and you don't need a sleep study. THose things mean that you have a better chance of being successful, because you're in good health. That means that there are two fewer barriers between you and your surgery.
I wish i could give you a hug, and tell you just how wonderful a person you are. Congratulations for being able to have this surgery. Congratulations for coming here and seeking support, in a posting that must have been so difficult to write. You are not a failure. You are a success, just for that simple fact that you stepped on that scale, and that you came here and shared this with us.
Thank you for being here.
[[[[BIG HUGS]]]]
I think we can all relate to seeing that number on the scale and thinking "OMFG! What have I done to myself?"
I remember reading a doctor's report [written by a GI specialist] that said "....the patient referred was incredibly huge!" I nearly cried in my doctor's office but waited until I got home. I knew I wasnt small but I never thought of myself as "incredibly huge!" And I thought "my god, this is all people see. They'll never see who I really am, they'll just see Huge Simona"
You're on your way to never seeing that number again.
I think we can all relate to seeing that number on the scale and thinking "OMFG! What have I done to myself?"
I remember reading a doctor's report [written by a GI specialist] that said "....the patient referred was incredibly huge!" I nearly cried in my doctor's office but waited until I got home. I knew I wasnt small but I never thought of myself as "incredibly huge!" And I thought "my god, this is all people see. They'll never see who I really am, they'll just see Huge Simona"
You're on your way to never seeing that number again.
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