Emotional vs Logical thinking
So I am in a stall....
My head says, "That's ok. It's normal. Your body is just taking a rest and once it catches up, the weight will start coming off again. Don't worry. Drink your water. Just keep doing what you are doing."
My heart says, "To just keep doing what you are doing and expect different results in the mark of insanity. What on earth made you think that this would work for you anyways?? You have tried everything else on earth and this is just one more thing you will FAIL at! Why would you even put yourself through all this? You will never be thinner than 220, you should know that by now. And once the weight starts coming back on, you will see what a useless attempt this was. You are fat. Accept it and move on."
...or something like that....
Please dont say...."dont think like that".....becausefirst of all, thats impossible....and second, I already KNOW that its just years of failed attempts coming back to haunt me. But 39 years of programming is impossible to silence in just a few months. I try not to listen to it but sometimes its just so noisy! (I kind of sound like an insane person, don't I??)
I know (read: I try to convince myself) this will work because I am doing everything I should be doing. I know all that with my head/brain....what I am asking is HOW to get through this....how do I get through those days when the negative voice is so very loud in my head....or when it is just so frustrating that I want to cry?
The only thing I have done so far is to put my scale away. When do I bring it out again? How long will this last?
Other tips to get through this stall without having a breakdown?
My head says, "That's ok. It's normal. Your body is just taking a rest and once it catches up, the weight will start coming off again. Don't worry. Drink your water. Just keep doing what you are doing."
My heart says, "To just keep doing what you are doing and expect different results in the mark of insanity. What on earth made you think that this would work for you anyways?? You have tried everything else on earth and this is just one more thing you will FAIL at! Why would you even put yourself through all this? You will never be thinner than 220, you should know that by now. And once the weight starts coming back on, you will see what a useless attempt this was. You are fat. Accept it and move on."
...or something like that....
Please dont say...."dont think like that".....becausefirst of all, thats impossible....and second, I already KNOW that its just years of failed attempts coming back to haunt me. But 39 years of programming is impossible to silence in just a few months. I try not to listen to it but sometimes its just so noisy! (I kind of sound like an insane person, don't I??)
I know (read: I try to convince myself) this will work because I am doing everything I should be doing. I know all that with my head/brain....what I am asking is HOW to get through this....how do I get through those days when the negative voice is so very loud in my head....or when it is just so frustrating that I want to cry?
The only thing I have done so far is to put my scale away. When do I bring it out again? How long will this last?
Other tips to get through this stall without having a breakdown?
Jennifer 
I've had 4 weeks with no change in weight and my thinking is EXACTLY the same! Its hard not to tell yourself that this will be something else that wont work. We've tried and failed so many times that we're programmed to expect failure.
The logical side of me thinks...there's no way I wont lose any more weight - Im not even eating 1000 calories a day.
The not-so-logical side of me thinks....this is it. Im going to stay at 273lbs and that's as far as I'll get. What's sad is I start thinking again of trying different "diets" rather than just sticking to the rules. That actually scares me.
I havent put my scale away. I still weigh every single day. Its not an obsession [I dont think] but it gives me an idea of where I am and if Im still in a plateau.
I remember Karen saying she trusted the system and I have to start doing that myself.
First step is done...you at least recognize the tape that plays in your head (for you young'uns...tapes were what we had before MP3 or CD, but slightly after vinyl). SOmetimes it takes a lifetime to even make out the words.
I know trust is hard. It might be easier to get try to come to grips with "not trusting." Don't trust the voice in your head - it's probably that of a small child, with some bullying tendencies and let's face it, SHE LIES TO YOU.
When you hear someone else express the same fear, is your first reaction in your head to think "yah, you poor bugger - you're right. You are less than six months out and this is as far as WLS will work for you. You are screwed from here on out. Sucks to be you!"
I'm guessing not. If it is, that's a whole other conversation to have another day on another thread when you are feeling up to being flamed and having your cyberhead handed to you on a platter.
It is ironic to think that our obesity either creates or reinforces a belief in ourselves that we are not special, and yet when we come to doubt our ability to succeed at WLS, where every bit of evidence around us - the science, the people who have gone before us, etc. tells us that it is going to work, we all of the sudden are able to believe that we are the exception to the rule. It is a special kind of arrogance which many of us suffer.
(There is a different flavour to that arrogance as well - when we do succeed and start to think that we are the one person who need not follow the rules and we will be ok. That version of the tape says things like "I am an extraordinary human being...I can absorb enough calcium to maintain my health without taking any supplements at all despite not having a functioning duodenum. I can simply "think" my bones strong because I am BONEHEADED!!!!!)
Every day, we have to give ourselves up to trusting others because we know what we don't know. I trust my mechanic to tell me what my car needs. I trust my lawyer to tell me that...(oh wait, bad example)...I trust my map to tell me where to go if I've never been there, I trust the IT guy to fix my computer because I thought the DVD tray was a cupholder...
Just try to believe that this is one of those times that you need to "not trust"...the little voice inside your head that's humming failure into your ear has a vested interest in you believing it. It allows her to survive. Someone inside you bought a size 10 dress not so long ago. You have no less reason to think that that version of Sirene is any less a real version of you than the scheming ***** on your other shoulder who's whispering "join in if you know the words....you're a failure, you're a failure".
You are right...to just keep doing what you are doing and expect different results is insanity, namely to just keep believing the voice that tells you you are a failure, is insanity. That's what you've been doing over and over and over again.
If your daughter woke every morning and raced to the mark on the door jamb that measures her height, and every day there was no noticeable change, would it be ok for her to think she will never grow again?
I know trust is hard. It might be easier to get try to come to grips with "not trusting." Don't trust the voice in your head - it's probably that of a small child, with some bullying tendencies and let's face it, SHE LIES TO YOU.
When you hear someone else express the same fear, is your first reaction in your head to think "yah, you poor bugger - you're right. You are less than six months out and this is as far as WLS will work for you. You are screwed from here on out. Sucks to be you!"
I'm guessing not. If it is, that's a whole other conversation to have another day on another thread when you are feeling up to being flamed and having your cyberhead handed to you on a platter.
It is ironic to think that our obesity either creates or reinforces a belief in ourselves that we are not special, and yet when we come to doubt our ability to succeed at WLS, where every bit of evidence around us - the science, the people who have gone before us, etc. tells us that it is going to work, we all of the sudden are able to believe that we are the exception to the rule. It is a special kind of arrogance which many of us suffer.
(There is a different flavour to that arrogance as well - when we do succeed and start to think that we are the one person who need not follow the rules and we will be ok. That version of the tape says things like "I am an extraordinary human being...I can absorb enough calcium to maintain my health without taking any supplements at all despite not having a functioning duodenum. I can simply "think" my bones strong because I am BONEHEADED!!!!!)
Every day, we have to give ourselves up to trusting others because we know what we don't know. I trust my mechanic to tell me what my car needs. I trust my lawyer to tell me that...(oh wait, bad example)...I trust my map to tell me where to go if I've never been there, I trust the IT guy to fix my computer because I thought the DVD tray was a cupholder...
Just try to believe that this is one of those times that you need to "not trust"...the little voice inside your head that's humming failure into your ear has a vested interest in you believing it. It allows her to survive. Someone inside you bought a size 10 dress not so long ago. You have no less reason to think that that version of Sirene is any less a real version of you than the scheming ***** on your other shoulder who's whispering "join in if you know the words....you're a failure, you're a failure".
You are right...to just keep doing what you are doing and expect different results is insanity, namely to just keep believing the voice that tells you you are a failure, is insanity. That's what you've been doing over and over and over again.
If your daughter woke every morning and raced to the mark on the door jamb that measures her height, and every day there was no noticeable change, would it be ok for her to think she will never grow again?
Wow, how wise and well written Sher1ock ! I'm going to bookmark this to combat my own self-talk when I am Post-op. Keeping my fingers crossed that the scales start moving again for you ladies soon :)
Lisa
St.Joes Hamilton- Dr. Hong- Duodenal Switch (DS)
ref-Aug /11 ultrasound-March/12 internist- April/12
info sess-Jan/12 soc worker-March/12 surgeon app. May/12
nurse & dietician-Feb/12 scope- March/12 surgery- Sept 21/12
St.Joes Hamilton- Dr. Hong- Duodenal Switch (DS)
ref-Aug /11 ultrasound-March/12 internist- April/12
info sess-Jan/12 soc worker-March/12 surgeon app. May/12
nurse & dietician-Feb/12 scope- March/12 surgery- Sept 21/12
You are brilliant! I am bookmarking this! Truer words were never spoken and in such a relateable way too!
Thank you!
Thank you!
“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.? --John “the Penguin? Bingham
There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela
HW: 247.5/SW: 228.5/CW:135/ My GW: 140/SGW: 151
There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~ Nelson Mandela
HW: 247.5/SW: 228.5/CW:135/ My GW: 140/SGW: 151
You do it by mindfully, consistently exercising compassion and positive thinking. Your brain is actually much more malleable than you think it is. It is not impossible to stop thinking that, it just takes time and effort to make it change. When I finally bought in to the idea that I needed to cut the negative self talk, the change in my thinking was so rapid it was shocking to me.
Talk to yourself - out loud if you have to - like you were your best friend in distress. Console yourself about the frustration, tell yourself what makes you proud of yourself. Remind yourself of the NSVs, and when you're really down, commiserate with yourself, but refuse - absolutely refuse - to call yourself a failure. Sure those thoughts might pop up on their own, but that doesn't mean they're true, and it doesn't mean you have to let them come and go unchallenged. If I called you a failure and tried to push you down, you'd fight me on it. Fight the negative self talk the same way.
Talk to yourself - out loud if you have to - like you were your best friend in distress. Console yourself about the frustration, tell yourself what makes you proud of yourself. Remind yourself of the NSVs, and when you're really down, commiserate with yourself, but refuse - absolutely refuse - to call yourself a failure. Sure those thoughts might pop up on their own, but that doesn't mean they're true, and it doesn't mean you have to let them come and go unchallenged. If I called you a failure and tried to push you down, you'd fight me on it. Fight the negative self talk the same way.
I had my surgery at the same time as you did. I have not lost anything since Christmas. I too feel the exact same way. Is it possible that at 3 months I am finished losing? Has this ever happened to anyone? I am going to try to increase my food intake in hopes of taking it out of starvation mood. And I will see what next week has to offer on the dreaded scales. Boo hoo.
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