How to answer them?

Have recently had separate conversations (one just tonight) with both my kids (adults) and my mother on how they do NOT want me to have this surgery.  My husband, on the other hand is totally on board and very positive (my best and lifelong supporter).  They all think I should just continue with the gym and food changes I have been making pre-surgery and not put myself at risk. They love me, don't want to lose me, I am fine as I am, I can do it myself, more healthy to lose weight naturally, etc. etc.  I have explained that I have done a ton of research, that I am in a medically supervised program with follow up and support (you guys are great!)  and that this was recommended by doctors to resolve weight related health issues. Yes there are always risks with any surgery but I have stared those in the face and still mean to proceed.   I guess I am just stressed with the perception that I am taking a needless risk and that I should just do it on my own (with their support of course). Nobody is trying to be mean (I am actually tearing up as I write this) and I know they are coming from a place of love and concern. These thoughts are all about their worries that something will go wrong and that I would have made this choice for elective surgery  when I didn't have to. I have told them all that my mind is made up, that I will have waited almost a year to planned surgery date and that I need their positive thoughts and support at this time. Guess I am just venting but really wanted to tell someone who understands how much this means to me as I don't think they can truly understand all the thoughts and fears we each deal with during this process.  Do I just accept their concerns or is there a way help them see that this lifeline has been offered to me and I mean to grab hold and make the very best of it?

How many times have you lost weight.....in the natural way as you put it?  How many times have you gained that weight back and then more?  Personally as someone over the age of 50 and having started my first diet in 1974, I can tell you it has been LOTS.  I have lots of experience at dieting...not much at ever maintaining weight loss.

 

Even with surgery you will still need to eat healthy and exercise.  FOREVER, not just the weight loss phase.  The tool of surgery gives you the opportunity to not have a big stomach that can be filled, and filled and filled again. 

 

Good luck with your resolve going forward.  Everyone will be on board once you are post-surgery and still being healthy.

 

Judy

Thank you Judy.  I have also tried numerous times to lose the weight since my wedding in 1975 at age 20, and I haven't seen that weight of 175 lbs in a looooong time.  Despite 4 major losses over the last 40 years (40, 50, 60+ pounds lost with WW, Atkins, etc.)....I have always found it again plus an extra 10 or 20!   Hard to impress upon others how destructive this is to my lifestyle and how this WLS will be the tool that makes the healthy eating and exercising a long term solution.

Repeat after me:

"While I appreciate and understand your concerns about the surgical nature of the program. My physicians and I feel this is the best medical solution for me at this time. It will give me the best chance at long term success.

Right now I need your love, understanding and support. I understand if you cannot provide that, but I would love to have you as my rock at this time."

Virtually no one ever says "no" when it is put like that.

*big hugs*

Lean on your husband, trust the choices you have made...

Shell

Thanks Shell, I love the phrase "medical solution....best chance at long term success".  Well put, I am keeping that one ready to put out there at a moment's notice.   Here's hoping they 3 of them don't get together for an "intervention"   but I will be prepared now. LOL!

*big hugs*

I find people always want to offer help and support when asked because they feel rotten saying no. *naughty grin*

I sometimes think it is easier having a younger child as she simply wanted to know all would be good. As for my parents... I told them I was going to do it, what, and why was also discussed. It was likely easier because my mother knew about the 6 months of hell before deciding to do this, and my father learned about it while being told I was going to do this.

Do you ever make it out to any of the groups in our area Karol? Some awesome people out this way.

Shell

Yes, I am coming out to my first one on Tuesday Feb. 12 th  for East End, Toronto as I can go after work. Also checked out the Rouge Valley Gastric FB page but don't think I got a reply yet to my email. Will look into that again.  Other than myself I only know one friend that had the band (in Mexico) so meeting the real folks will be great!

https://www.facebook.com/shelleyes

If you add me as a friend I'll add you to a couple groups.

 

I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I think it's wonderful that your family are approaching this from a position of love, even if they may not fully support this decision.

Would it help for them to learn more about it? My boyfriend, who has always been supportive, had questions and I brought him with me to see the surgeon when I did this process a few yesrs ago. It helped him to be involved and to ask his own questions.

Also, i think it's very hard for people to see this as anything but "elective". For many of us though, this isn't elective or cosmetic, this is life saving! When i first brought it up with my mom she said many of the things yours said. I asked her outright if I had to have heart or brain surgery to save my life or help me live longer would she support it. She of course said yes. I just explained that this surgery was similar to me, it wasn't just about looking better.

I hope you and your family are able to come together

My mom asked to know more about the process so I let her read the presentation deck from the HRRH orientation session - I think that freaked her out so now I just avoid the topic. I have also made the point that at this time in live I am at increased risk for stroke or heart attack with my weight and that those would have awful recovery (if any) as opposed to this proactive, positive surgery. I agree....it is potentially lifesaving!