stress triggers

on 6/25/14 10:49 pm, edited 6/25/14 10:59 pm

I have a MIL from hell that is a total stress trigger.  I have been with my husband 10 years and it has only gotten worse.

She is a passive aggressive, hypochondriac who never see's her grandchild (even though we live 5 min away), makes her son (my husband) feel stupid by belittling him every chance she can.

We need to call her to make an appointment for our daughter to visit and when we do, she's busy because she has to play bridge or go to a swim class...  Her grand child is 3yrs old and she has seen her less than 10 times.  She visits her other son and his family at least weekly to see her other grand children.

She will not speak to us directly, she puts my husband's brother in the middle of all conversations.  Has done this since the other son graduated University over 15 years ago and became the "successful one" in her eyes (making sure to point that out to everyone ~ even when my husband is in the room).

I hold my thoughts out of respect for my husband and my mother raised me to be a good person.

I am at the end of my rope here... the stress is really building and in the past I would have binged a 100 times over by now.  I am having a really difficult time and find myself sneaking sweets and treats when I really shouldn't.  The only reason I have not gained is probably because I have raised my activity but this really doesn't solve my underlying problems.

I HATE this woman.

I don't want her in my life.

I don't want her influencing my daughter in any way.

How can an evil woman like her raise a man like my husband who is loving, caring, and a gentleman.


I have got to get my **** together !



      Have learned that I can't measure my journey only by what I've lost.  I've gained health and extra time on this earth ... that is most important

Karen M.
on 6/25/14 11:06 pm - Mississauga, Canada

Sounds more like MIL needs to get said **** together.

It's a huge stress when family relationships are toxic - try to focus on being proud of YOUR family and YOUR successes.



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Monica M.
on 6/25/14 11:51 pm - Penetanguishene, Canada

Let her call you when she wants to see your daughter, why do you feel the need to call and make "appointments". If being at family gatherings with her makes you angry, don't go. I often tell my hubby to go without me, and he doesn't "have to" go to my family gatherings, because there are things each of us do to bother the other one.

I don't have contact with negative people in my life (unless i have to at work). It stresses me out. So i don't do it. I understand that you have to, sometimes, like if there are important family things (weddings, etc) but sunday dinners? nope. stay at home.

on 6/26/14 12:15 am - Arnprior, Canada

I understand your stress.  Along with what Karen and Monica said, I'd suggest going to counseling.  I'm not saying that you are the problem, far from that.  But a counselor will help you deal with the stress that your MIL causes in a more constructive way, which will help you, and help your daughter (she senses your stress, and your dealing with it positively will help her deal with her stress positively in the future). 

One of the things my counselor told me was to keep a journal.  And when things like this happen, I write it down so that I can let go of it easier.  I was also told to ignore the ignorance and listen to what I want to hear.

There may be a time where you will have to confront her, be prepared for the response but remember who it comes from.  She'll fight against you and try to make you feel bad/guilty for saying anything.

I wish you luck with this issue.