Big Medicine Discussion: Do women suffer more for being obese? This is long!!

Thanks for the compliments, Bern.

Hi Marney

I dont know where you are in the world but I say MOVE! I have been a 55 BMI and was never ever treated so poorly. As a child and teen , when I was overweight, I often got teased. That teasing was no more severe than the teasing everyone else got about one thing or another. As a 40 BMI I worked as a waitress and still got hit on all of the time. People, males and females, were always sweet and nice with me. Children always followed me everywhere like the Pied Piper.

As a former christian I can say in MY experience they are generally the most biggotted and prejudiced group of people I have ever known. I chose my own church, much to my parents shagrin, and went to a non denominal christian church, aka new penecosts, holy rollers etc. I chose this church based on their obvious love and acceptance for people in general. However even with that said they too were also very predjudiced, just less so than my other prospects.

My mother in law is beautiful. At 67 years old she often passes for 30 - 40 something. She is 5 feet 11 inches tall with long blond hair and blue eyes. She comes from a great family and has 2 university degrees. She is absolutely hilarious, interesting, sociable and far smarter than the average joe. She has also been single since she was in her early thirties. Yes she is a bit over weight, currently about a 30 BMI, no too shabby for a 67 year old If you asked her why men and her never clicked she will always say it is because of her height. Men dont like tall aggressive women (unless its for S&M) regardless of weight as hers has been under, just right and over too.

Just my thoughts
BIG HUGS for putting up with such insanity without getting violent!
PK

Yep, PK, sometimes I think the height doesn't help. Someone else was posting that 18s were big with a BMI of 39. My BMI is 38 now, but at 6ft tall that puts me in a size 22.  Like my BMI is pretty much the same, but I'm still bigger.  I've looked at other peeps measurements too and when others had a similar starting BMI to mine, my hips were a full six inches more.  Even if it weren't for the weight aspect, you are right that the height can be intimidating to the men. I've actually had some of my male co-workers tell me that when I've solicited their honest opinions about why I was having such a hard time dating. The common answer was "you scare the s**t out of men". WHY?!?? I'm too sure of myself and I'm intimidating. I asked if I seemed too ****y, or mean, or condescending. Nope. *sigh* What's a girl to do. PK I'm glad you haven't had the negative experiences. Now most of what I hear is the whispered stuff or behind my back, but not all of it. For the most part, little kids are never an issue. They love me.  Your M i L sounds like a great lady!  I actually am thinking of moving once my daughter is done with HS. I want her to have the most stable childhood possible, especially since I'm a single mom. So no moving for now. Later though! Four years!  This IS a horrible town for dating if you aren't tiny. It's a college town in the South East with 45% professionals making up the non-student population. Those are often younger professionals just out of grad school still busy partying with the super size zero college girls. Every now and then I try and go out to Orlando and other big cities to try and meet people.  Sometimes the country towns are good too. The country boys don't mind a woman with meat on her bones. At least not a little.

Marnie, That was amazing, and I could relate to every example you gave. Just one of the situations I've experienced since moving here (N Fl), happened with a new group of friends I was spending time with.  I was sitting at the edge of the women on my R with most of the men on my L and they're having a conversation about having sex "with a fat woman".  I got the feeling that they felt I should be "honored" that they WOULD have sex with a "fat woman" (me), if she "was good to luck at", "had a pretty face", etc.  I've tried to push most of that conversation (I excused myself, went to the ladies room, came out and said my goodbyes), so I don't remember too much.  But those quotes are definite. But, then again, I have had experiences like PK's.  It's just that the bad one's leave more of an impression than the good ones. Hang in there sister!!

Thanks for sharing that post! WOW!

Marney, Your post is pivitol and poignant to say the least.  I would like to answer you but I want to be able to give that answer as much attention, heart, and soul as you did with your post.  As time does not permit that this aftertoon, I will write to you as soon as I am able to focus clearly. However, I would like to say that you have fascinated me (in a good way)! Talk with you soon!

I almost could have written that post myself.  I can count on one hand the number of relationships that I've had.  Guys always just wanted to be my friend or just dated me because "the fat chick will put out if I act like I care". When I met my husband, the first thing he said to me was "OMG!  You are so beautiful."  I was like yeah sure, you just want to get laid.  It ain't happening to me again.  I fell for that trick before.  (22 year old daughter to show for it!)  Nope, nope, nope.  It took me many months before I began to believe he REALLY thought I was beautiful.  What the heck was wrong with him?  It took me several years to start believing it myself.   I know why he was able to look past the exterior.  His favorite aunt is a very big woman.  She loved him unconditionally while he was growing up.  His mother is a real ***** who made his life miserable.  Because of his aunt, my husband is able to see me as I really am ... a smart, funny, caring, beautiful woman. I'm a very lucky. 

Terri said: When I met my husband, the first thing he said to me was "OMG!  You are so beautiful."  I was like yeah sure, you just want to get laid.  It ain't happening to me again.  I fell for that trick before.  (22 year old daughter to show for it!)  Yep. My daughter is 14. And it was a dozen roses. Still never had one man ever tell me I'm beautiful. Not one. Granted, I would never just sleep with someone like that now. Back then I did. I honestly thought if I didn't sleep with that man, no one else would ever again want me. For years I thought "how pathetic of me that I thought that!!". In hindsight, looking at my love life....I was right.  Terri, You are indeed lucky. I could only dream of being so fortunate.

I was extremely depressed and felt hopeless after reading this post. Not because there was anything wrong with your heartfelt, but that there was so much truth in it, and the truth hurts. Especially the dating part, I haven't dated in so many years and I know it has everything to do with my weight. Even in personal ads online the hugest men list that the women who contact them should be slim/slender. Even if after I lose all my excess weight if I start going on dates, I won't be able to help myself thinking that none of these people would have dated me when I was fat.

Marney, what an amazing post. Thank you for sharing!  I am lucky that my dh has stood with me through thick and thin (well, I never was thin, I am 5'9 and at my smallest, when we got married, I weight 190lbs). And I haven't heard or seen anybody snicker or laugh at me, but I think that is mainly because I just  came to the realization that I never look at people when I'm out and about. I keep my head and eyes down, so as to not see the disapproving looks. I can't wait to walk tall and proud again. Uta