OT: gotta rant....gotta vent....daughter broke our trust

My daughter ~ BRAT, has broken the sacred vow of mother/daughter bond....

She is 18 (soon to be 19 in October)..will rant and rave about her boyfriend DUMB to me.  She will roll her eyes and bad mouth him one hour and then turn around and tell me how much she loves him ~ typical kid stuff.

DUMB, of course, is not good enough for my daughter, but is very loving to her and takes care of her when she receives chemo and such.

We even offered DUMB to move into our home so he has a chance of going to college (which he has taken) because he has lived with his grandparents who live in bum f@(K Egypt ~ not near any college.

DUMB used to be a ********er and I still question his ties.  His grandparents live 25 miles away (one way) and he has been needing to return to the ole neighborhood to pick up his headache meds....his diabetic meds..this or that.  It just makes me wonder.  AND WHO DO YOU THINK IS PAYING FOR BRAT's GAS??!   ME!!!

So I said to BRAT, "does he have a drug problem or is still attached to his gang?"  BRAT said, "NO and these are question you should be asking him".  Then upon returning from the ole neighborhood, DUMB approaches me and says, "if you want to know about my situation, you need to ask me".

Pretty brave of a 17 yr old to confront me in my own house.  Some big balls he is toting around with him. 

Since this is a new situation of living conditions in my home...I didn't want to step on any toes and that's why I went through BRAT to ask these questions and then she went to DUMB!!

I WAS PISSED to say the least.  I confronted BRAT and told her I don't run to DUMB and share what she says to me...I should of been given the same respect.  Needless to say, we all went to bed angry at each other and the hubby - Chuck Norris, was caught in the middle.

I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my own damn house!!!!  He can get the f@(K out, all I care...he is living here for FREE and BRAT totes him around back & forth to school and  to grandparent's house, because he doesn't drive or have a vehicle available to him.

I would think he should be walking on eggshells and kissing my ass!!

I know...I know...I'm just angry and upset right now..I just had to get this off my chest...

What do y'all think?
Dawn

well I'm not a parent but I don't think Chuck should be standing in the middle I think he should be backing you up.

Maybe the 4 of you need to sit in the same room and have a "Come to Jesus" meeting

Here are the rules for letting you live in our house
'
1. no gangs
2. no drugs
3. no lies

I know it is hard cause he is supporting your daughter but I think you are right to draw the line

Yes Judy...I've also added to that list, he has to maintain AT LEAST a "C" average in school too.

Dawn

We went through a similar situation, she won't appreciate it until she moves out and goes through it on her own.  I take is she has cancer?  That sucks big time.  Try to forgive her, she is young, but I know it hurts.

Yes she has brain cancer...like Ted Kennedy had...but they found her's very early, but she has 2 tumors residing in her brain...one operable and the other isn't...

Yes, it does hurt!  I remember choosing my boyfriend over my parents but totally different cir****tances going on here ~ ya know?!!

Dawn

Oh my word you just wrote my story! My daughter is with a jerk too but no one can tell her different. She moved in with him right after her first year of college (and hasnt gone back)...got pregnant and moved in with us last oct. She had the baby in April this year and I kicked him out soon after (lots of issues!!) We have been in so many arguments with him.....he cant keep a job...has no license or car....likes to lie, cheat and steal and my daughter still wants to be with him!! UGH!! She goes to stay with him 2-3 days a week when she isnt working. Same deal.....no respect, didnt lift a finger when he was here unless we told him what to do, thinks the world owes him! I hear ya loud and clear Dawn!

Natural to be upset with her.  BUT who I would be kicking some tail on is DUMB.  How dare he act like that when you are bending over backwards to help him.  He should be kissing your feet and doing everything he can to help out.  I would have a hard time not throwing his butt out.  Plus if there is ANY question about drug, gangs, and the like- do you really want your daughter and family at risk?  I don't know how you are keeping it together.  This makes me pi$$ed just thinking about it and it is not even me.  I would be seting some hard rules and fast- NO WAY are you going to be treated like that in your own home!!! You deserve respect ....  

Why are you paying for his gas?
He needs to find a new place to live. You are better than me, I'm pretty sure I never would have extended the offer to begin with. But I think you nailed it in one phrase...you feel uncomfortable in your own house!!! BYE BYE DUMB.

Well I pay for BRAT's gas and she in turn, runs DUMB all around so ....that's why I said I pay for his gas.

Why did I do this??  Because my daughter has brain cancer and I want her to be happy and leave this world happy.  Have I stretched the rules and bent my upbringing ~ YES...but I would do anything for my kids.  So sad isn't it?!!

I have lost my parenting and trying to be a friend and that just doesn't work..it's blowing up in my face.  I hate it!!  I'm so torn!

Dawn

I follow your posts and do know about your daughter's cancer and all...I know it can't be easy. I'm scared for when my daughter hits this age. LOL  I would bet though your daughter's a smart cookie like her mama and will 'get it'. DUMB sounds most unappreciative, and I think THAT would get under my skin the most. He shouldn't take advantage of the situation, as I'm sure he knows you are only putting up with his crap because of your daughter's illness.  Hang in there!!!  Not same cir****tances, but I once was in a living situation where I got to the point I HATED coming home..which then I thought now wait a damn minute, I AM THE ONE paying all the damn bills, etc, this is MY place. Dude had to roll out.