The "other side" of the Cincy OH conference (for me, that is)
Lora,
I came back from the conference and went to my two year post op follow up...and yes, it all sounds great "whoo hoo two years" but what about 10 years from now? You are not alone in this. I have "fat friend fear" every single day...I didn't get to talk with you like I planned/wanted (but do know that when we did speak I intentionally hunted you down lol!) but when I first saw you at the conference, I thought to myself "is that Lora? she is so petite!!"
ALl I know to say is that you continue to do the one thing that matters in long term success: you're not giving up.
I came back from the conference and went to my two year post op follow up...and yes, it all sounds great "whoo hoo two years" but what about 10 years from now? You are not alone in this. I have "fat friend fear" every single day...I didn't get to talk with you like I planned/wanted (but do know that when we did speak I intentionally hunted you down lol!) but when I first saw you at the conference, I thought to myself "is that Lora? she is so petite!!"
ALl I know to say is that you continue to do the one thing that matters in long term success: you're not giving up.
Be happy.
I wish we had been able to talk more, too... but I'm so glad you did hunt me down, LOL!
"when I first saw you at the conference, I thought to myself "is that Lora? she is so petite!!"" Huh? Seriously?!?
No, I'm not giving up. Just feeling a bit discouraged (and hacked off at that evil little voice) at the moment. Thanks.
Lora
"when I first saw you at the conference, I thought to myself "is that Lora? she is so petite!!"" Huh? Seriously?!?
No, I'm not giving up. Just feeling a bit discouraged (and hacked off at that evil little voice) at the moment. Thanks.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
*sigh*
Why do we always want what we can't have, we always want more when we get it, we're never happy with what we have, and we're never satisfied when we've come a very long way.
It's the human condition. We are all narcissistic, no matter how hard we try not to be. There's always a little voice inside saying, "why not me?' or "why me?" depending on the question.
That said, Lora, you are a totally normal human and so am I for being a little jealous this morning seeing someone who had surgery very close to my date already down 70 lbs. and I'm ONLY down 45!
"Poor me, why not me??"
I should be happy-thrilled!
OY!!
Why do we always want what we can't have, we always want more when we get it, we're never happy with what we have, and we're never satisfied when we've come a very long way.
It's the human condition. We are all narcissistic, no matter how hard we try not to be. There's always a little voice inside saying, "why not me?' or "why me?" depending on the question.
That said, Lora, you are a totally normal human and so am I for being a little jealous this morning seeing someone who had surgery very close to my date already down 70 lbs. and I'm ONLY down 45!
"Poor me, why not me??"
I should be happy-thrilled!
OY!!
Lora,
I've been lurking around the boards for a while. I didn't recognize you when you changed your avi. I literally had to go to your profile and double check your pictures to be sure it was you.
You look great. I looked at your pictures and how much you've changed and you look GREAT!
Don't lose sight of all your accomplishments! Don't over look the good in your life (body) in a quest for perfect. Who's gonna be perfect anyway? Don't beat yourself up that you have body image issues either. What woman doesn't.
So you aren't skinny. (Truthfully, you look skinny to me, but that this is not about me.) So what?
You are still an amazing woman who has done amazing things.
Big Hugs!
Kay
I've been lurking around the boards for a while. I didn't recognize you when you changed your avi. I literally had to go to your profile and double check your pictures to be sure it was you.
You look great. I looked at your pictures and how much you've changed and you look GREAT!
Don't lose sight of all your accomplishments! Don't over look the good in your life (body) in a quest for perfect. Who's gonna be perfect anyway? Don't beat yourself up that you have body image issues either. What woman doesn't.
So you aren't skinny. (Truthfully, you look skinny to me, but that this is not about me.) So what?
You are still an amazing woman who has done amazing things.
Big Hugs!
Kay
You are suck an inspiration to those of us that are getting ready to start our journey. I am sitting here crying as I was reading what you wrote. Let me say that I looked through your pictures and I think that you have done an amazing job and look great.
I know so many that have had surgery and see there struggles. And there are maybe 10 people that know I am having surgery, so I hear some friends say wow, they look to skinny, or they had surgery and that is all that they have lost. And I am thinking I haven't had surgery yet but do you know how hard these people work everyday to make the right decisions, to eat the right food, to go to the gym, to walk around the block!!!!! But self perception is one of the hardest things, even at my lowest weight in 2004 before my mothers death I felt fat! And people were telling me I looked great. My surgeon told me that a success story is someone that is realistic in there weight loss expectations and can keep it off. Not someone that gets down to the lowest weight for their height and struggles to be to thin! So I already know that counseling is in my future. At 35, what I am going to be happy with as a goal weight is not going to make me the skinny girl. But I keep telling myself that I am going to try and be the healthy and happy girl.
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS, and hopefully those little voices in your head will soon tell you that you look amazing and have done so much!!!! And to bad all of the protein and healthy food doesn't make those little voices drown ! :)
I know so many that have had surgery and see there struggles. And there are maybe 10 people that know I am having surgery, so I hear some friends say wow, they look to skinny, or they had surgery and that is all that they have lost. And I am thinking I haven't had surgery yet but do you know how hard these people work everyday to make the right decisions, to eat the right food, to go to the gym, to walk around the block!!!!! But self perception is one of the hardest things, even at my lowest weight in 2004 before my mothers death I felt fat! And people were telling me I looked great. My surgeon told me that a success story is someone that is realistic in there weight loss expectations and can keep it off. Not someone that gets down to the lowest weight for their height and struggles to be to thin! So I already know that counseling is in my future. At 35, what I am going to be happy with as a goal weight is not going to make me the skinny girl. But I keep telling myself that I am going to try and be the healthy and happy girl.
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS, and hopefully those little voices in your head will soon tell you that you look amazing and have done so much!!!! And to bad all of the protein and healthy food doesn't make those little voices drown ! :)
Stacy - 5'8 HW - 280 SW - 264
Lora...
I read your post and then went and found you on facebook because I did not recognize you... since you changed your profile pic.
When I realized it was you I litterally said outloud... OH MY GOSH!!! You look amazing!! I am an honest person and I would never say anything rude to anyone... I just would not comment... but I had to say something here.. because you really do look amazing!
I encourage you to go look at a pre-op picture. Maybe since you are so far out you have really forgotten what you looked like or felt like before surgery.
I am only 3 months out... and have lost 65 lbs... I know I have a lot further to go... I still wear a size 24... I see the progress that I have made and I feel great... I have the oposite problem... I see myself shrinking... but I am still the fat girl... so I can sort of relate... not really... but sort of.
I wish you all the best!
Kristen
I read your post and then went and found you on facebook because I did not recognize you... since you changed your profile pic.
When I realized it was you I litterally said outloud... OH MY GOSH!!! You look amazing!! I am an honest person and I would never say anything rude to anyone... I just would not comment... but I had to say something here.. because you really do look amazing!
I encourage you to go look at a pre-op picture. Maybe since you are so far out you have really forgotten what you looked like or felt like before surgery.
I am only 3 months out... and have lost 65 lbs... I know I have a lot further to go... I still wear a size 24... I see the progress that I have made and I feel great... I have the oposite problem... I see myself shrinking... but I am still the fat girl... so I can sort of relate... not really... but sort of.
I wish you all the best!
Kristen
hey Lora
as anyone who has been the fat friend, as we all have been there....I know what this feeling is like. The thing I have to remember is now that I'm the small friend is some circles, I am the one that made the choice to leave the fax friend in me behind. If others have a problem that I'm no longer the fat one in the group and they are now, that's something they have to deal with. I don't feel bad for one second not being in the position any more.
Yes there are group that I am around where I'm right in the middle size wise and other's that I'm still on the big side. Our brains have such a hard time catching up with out weight loss. This too takes time and as a dear friend once told me, this too shall pass......
I don't think things are nearly as bad as you think they are. The stinkin thinkin as Yvonne puts it is such a downer, and I know I do it myself.....try to start replacing those stinkin thinkin thoughts with something more supportive like look where i came from and where i am now.
weight doesn't make you a bad person or a failure, it's just a place and like anything else that can be changed........don't like where you are, get in your car and move, that's what I say! we can move together, to greener pastures......to "healthier" bodies, take care of yourself and keep going to councelling, talking can really help!!!
take care
as anyone who has been the fat friend, as we all have been there....I know what this feeling is like. The thing I have to remember is now that I'm the small friend is some circles, I am the one that made the choice to leave the fax friend in me behind. If others have a problem that I'm no longer the fat one in the group and they are now, that's something they have to deal with. I don't feel bad for one second not being in the position any more.
Yes there are group that I am around where I'm right in the middle size wise and other's that I'm still on the big side. Our brains have such a hard time catching up with out weight loss. This too takes time and as a dear friend once told me, this too shall pass......
I don't think things are nearly as bad as you think they are. The stinkin thinkin as Yvonne puts it is such a downer, and I know I do it myself.....try to start replacing those stinkin thinkin thoughts with something more supportive like look where i came from and where i am now.
weight doesn't make you a bad person or a failure, it's just a place and like anything else that can be changed........don't like where you are, get in your car and move, that's what I say! we can move together, to greener pastures......to "healthier" bodies, take care of yourself and keep going to councelling, talking can really help!!!
take care
~Surgery date September 3 2009.....~ HW315/SW304/CW217/GW175
Proud Member ~ Cambridge Coffee Crew
Proud Member ~ Cambridge Coffee Crew
Lora,
I think most of us that don't end up a size 2 feel this way at times. I met a woman from the MI boards a few months ago, she had her surgery well over a year after me and she's a size 2. I could not believe how good she looked (she had not updated her avi in awhile). Anyways, my first thought was that I was so happy for her, but I was immediately comparing myself to her, and bummed that I had not been as successful as her (and she started out bigger than me!). Honestly most of the times I'm one of those people who think.....I wish I was 150, but am pleased that I'm no longer diabetic, hbp..... but I still have my jealousy issues. In fact when I started reading this thread (an hour ago, damn work!), I was eating carrot sticks and pepper slices because of all the pics from Cinci, and I wasn't even there!!!
Get the picture out where you are standing in one leg of your pants.....remember how far you've come lady! Your doing great in my book!
Proud of you,
Edie
I think most of us that don't end up a size 2 feel this way at times. I met a woman from the MI boards a few months ago, she had her surgery well over a year after me and she's a size 2. I could not believe how good she looked (she had not updated her avi in awhile). Anyways, my first thought was that I was so happy for her, but I was immediately comparing myself to her, and bummed that I had not been as successful as her (and she started out bigger than me!). Honestly most of the times I'm one of those people who think.....I wish I was 150, but am pleased that I'm no longer diabetic, hbp..... but I still have my jealousy issues. In fact when I started reading this thread (an hour ago, damn work!), I was eating carrot sticks and pepper slices because of all the pics from Cinci, and I wasn't even there!!!
Get the picture out where you are standing in one leg of your pants.....remember how far you've come lady! Your doing great in my book!
Proud of you,
Edie
You don't have to have a lump to have breast cancer!
Inflammatory Breast Cancer
www.ibcresearch.org
Why is it we compare ourselves to other women. I feel like a failure when so many hit their goal in the first year (or less!!) and I didn't. What's up with that. I was looking at other womens boobs , arms and thighs and comparing mine to theirs at the conference.
Like you, intellectually I know I'm doing well, much healthier, wearing smaller sizes - but my self- image is lagging behind a couple of years. My self worth is good - I know my value, so no problems there.
I try not to compare myself with others - but it happens. I'm sorry that I didn't recognize you. I kinda stayed in a little "shell" at the conference and didn't put myself "out there." I regret that now and I won't do it at the next conference.
Wish you could share some of the boobage with me. I loved your dress, but it wasn't till I saw your pic on the RNY board that I recognized you.
Sorry you are dealing with this - I know you (and I) will get this worked out.
Like you, intellectually I know I'm doing well, much healthier, wearing smaller sizes - but my self- image is lagging behind a couple of years. My self worth is good - I know my value, so no problems there.
I try not to compare myself with others - but it happens. I'm sorry that I didn't recognize you. I kinda stayed in a little "shell" at the conference and didn't put myself "out there." I regret that now and I won't do it at the next conference.
Wish you could share some of the boobage with me. I loved your dress, but it wasn't till I saw your pic on the RNY board that I recognized you.
Sorry you are dealing with this - I know you (and I) will get this worked out.
Penny Highest Weight 255 * Wt loss includes 19 lb lost before surgery
Well, I may be the odd one out here but I don't want to be a size 2-6.....I am a curvy woman who loves her figure at 150 lbs and a size 10. Let's just say I didn't get 3 husbands by being a skinny little person...not at all!! One of my biggest fears with all of this was that I would get "too thin" of all things. I was so worried about it that I tried for months to get the sleeve instead thinking that would be better. I think our bodies tell us where they want to be...a set weight if you will...and genetics determine our body type. I will always have huge tree trunk legs no matter if I weigh 120 lbs because my mother has the same thing. My sister got my dad's side of things and her legs are normal. I have big ole boobs and have not dropped a bra size yet, just the stuff hanging out over the old one LOL. I am 51, 52 next month and I too had my surgery late in life so in reality, nothing will "bounce back" and I don't think I am okay with that, at least not all the time. I also have a little voice in my head, the one from years of teasing and hurtful comments, that used to tell me to end it all and run my car over a cliff or something......therapy got me to this point today and now I want to live life to the fullest but that little voice still says mean and hateful things to me and sometimes I still listen.
I am thinking about you, praying for you, virtually hugging you....but all that won't help unless you love yourself. Hang in there girlie...you are an awesome person and I look for your posts EVERYDAY!!!
As you and others normally do......here is the place to get it all out in the open!
Love and all the best,
Sharon
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