Why are people like this?

In general, not all people ...
But why are people so much nicer to thin people?!
Being morbidly obese for a good chunk of my adult life I guess I got used to never being seen. I must have just sorta faded in the background. I was still a funny, talkative, loud, and sarcastic person ... But people didn't really SEE me.

Now that I'm a normal weight gal, people are just nicer. They make eye contact, they hold doors, they smile, are polite, and are just all around nicer.

It sorta ticks me off because EVERYONE should be treated nicely. Not only pretty people, or thin people. And I know that's not the world we live in. People stereotype fat people as lazy or dumb. But Come on folks! BE NICE to us!

Have you guys noticed this?

life just isn't fair. and we are a shallow society.

yep! in just six weeks, almost 50 lbs. I am no where skinny, but already, doors held open. People smile at me when I am in stores. I asked my husband the other day if I had something on my face because everyone I made eye contact with smiled at me. I thought they were laughing at me for a booger or something. He gave me a very good reasons that make since to me. I am happier now, feeling more confident now. So maybe I am smiling more now. and people smile back. If that is the reason, I can live with that.

I'll say the same thing I always say when this topic comes up.

There's two sides to that coin. Yes, there is fat bias out there and some folks do treat thinner people nicer. But then there's the YOU factor.

Yes, you.

I don't know about you, but I'm a much more pleasant person now than I was before. Even the jolliest big people can emit a vibe of insecurity or self deprecation that turn people away. When you are more positive, people pick up on that and are more positive toward you.

So that's something to think about. You notice people treating you differently but how are YOU different? Do you smile more? Make eye contact more? Take a little more care in your dress? Do you dress sexier? Sassier? Do you exude confidence now? Do you give salutations to strangers when you are out and about? And were these all things you did when you were bigger?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's all you or even part, but since we can't change the rest of the world, the best place to look is inward.

I think it's likely both. And yeah, I have noticed a difference too.

I was always a confident, upbeat person, and made friends easily. A real difficulty in my life over the last decade has been not having enough time to interact with even my close friends enough to suit them, and inadvertently ******g them off. But strangers treated me noticeably different pre-WLS, in that they treated me no way at all. I was invisible.
On the street, in a cafe, it was almost surreal the way people's eyes would slide right past me without even registering that I was looking right at them.
Now, as others have described, I seem to have become an actual person in their sight line, and they react, their gaze pauses for a second, often they smile. I have also experienced that puzzlement of, "what is s/he looking at?", simply because I'm still not used to registering with strangers.

I like to believe I have pretty good self-awareness, and I honestly don't think there's anything really different in how I'm presenting myself. And maybe strangers are seeing me differently, but I think the difference they're seeing is a reflection of their own assumptions about what kind of person gets that fat, and how much such a person is worth.

(IMHO)

See that's the thing though.

Think of a homeless person. You see them on the street. They look at you. You KNOW they want to ask you for money. You don't want to give the money. You look away and walk past them.

They didn't lack self awareness or human contact skills. You reacted to the vibe they gave off.

Again, I can only speak for me, but when I think of what vibe I gave off when I was bigger, it probably was one of anger and apathy, even as I looked at people, imploring them to look back at me.

My grandmother always used to say you can pray for a new sofa all day but if you have a bunch of junk in your living room you ain't gettng it. To me that means you can WANT something, like to be noticed or treated kindly, but there has to be space your heart to receive that.

And again, there is no denying that fat bias does exist so I'm not even going to try to say it does not.

I was going to say the same exact thing!  You just said it better! :)

I agree with Nik. I did feel invisible when I was big, but partly by my own doing. I did not want people to notice me. I am so much more outgoing now and am a big flirt.  I take advantage of my new-found confidence and definitely use that to my advantage in all areas of my life. My boyfriend is quite impressed with my people skills and laughs when guys flirt with me even when I'm holding his hand (we met when I was big and he loved me way back when but I found him again after I lost weight).

Laura

MOST adults I have interacted with both pre- and post-op.....at 350 or 150 pounds..... they've treated me the same. I expected that, and that's what I got. I did have ONE noteable exception someone who treated me fairly bad while I was thin. I just thought she was objectionable. When I lost weight she suddenly valued my opinion and was no longer objectionable. to my way of thinking this is a FLAW in HER character, one I find exceedingly sad. Especially in someone who is supposed to be a well-educated professional.

I do see a difference in the teenagers I teach, but I do not blame them. They are still in that point in their life's journey where they are figuring things like this out, but the superficial has greater impact on them at this point. I was well received as a teacher at 350 lbs, but I am BETTER received now taht I'm 150 lbs. Perhaps, though, as you say, part of this is my own knowledge of how "yuck" they probably found me at 350.

I saw a post on this a couple weeks ago. But ya, it's a whole new world out there being a skinny person. I'm so curious to see what it's like but like you said, everyone should be treated nicely but it just doesn't happen. Society makes the rules...hey in some countries big women are a good thing! LOL

I was thinking about something the other day. I've been working at my job for just over a year and of course been heavy and actually gained 7 lbs (damn pop tarts). I work with a bunch of skinny people but when I become one of them I feel I'll be treated differently. Not like they treat me bad now, they're great people but you become somewhat of a spectacle because of the transformation. IDK, just weird.

It's all just part of the journey. You have to take the good with the bad.