? for WLS Grads- Do you ever miss....

I'm 3 yrs out and just recently have been reminiscing about the "old days".  I remember being able to stay full for like 4-5 hours between meals and being able to drink a full glas of water or beverage with any meal if I wanted to.  I mean I didn't enjoy being 270 lbs at 5'3" and hated being fat, but just miss my old stomach a little here and there sometimes.  I hated not being able to get full at meals pre op and really now, post op, I eat until I'm satisfied and am rarely "full" anymore.  

I lost 130 lbs in 10 months out and was so grateful for the WLS.  I am so thankful still to have the weight off, but have gone from 145 to 170 in the past year, due to having a baby and being on meds for PPD and then on bcp.  I lost all 27 lbs and got back down to 140 after I had my baby (lost it in 6 days!! which is normal for me after I've had my babies to lose it quick, but not that quick, usually in 2-3 wks).  I gained some back due to being on an anti depressant (making me munchy), bcp (hormonal crap going on there), and just getting back into some bad eating habits with sugar (cookies and brownies mostly).   But I've also read and heard that it's totally normal to gain 10-20% of your weight back after about 3-5 yrs post op too?  So I guess I'm normal.  But I've put myself up to losing 15-20 lbs in the next 3-4 months and am starting back on an exercise plan and trying to eat better.  I want to be back in some size 8's or even a 10 would be nice, instead of 12's or 14's!!!

I miss being able to drink with meals, being able to drink all the milk I wanted to (have become slightly lactose intolerant post op- so I only drink 1 cup at a time), eating bananas and other foods with healthy sugars in them (I have had reactive hypoglycemia since surgery- especially when I got pregnant 2 yrs ago with my 3rd baby).  So I've gotten RH and some lactose intolerance since my RNY, things that I was never told I'd get pre op from my doctor and it makes me a little mad that they don't educated people on all the possible outcomes after surgery!! 

I miss being able to take NSAID's for any pain that I can't tolerate.  I had my baby last April and had a 3rd degree tear and had to just suffer the pain for a few days because Tylenol and Lortab wouldn't really work.  I've had just a few other things that I've had to suffer through because Tylenol dosen't do crap for me and I've made it through, just miss my Ibuprofen sometimes.

I jus****ch these shows like "Biggest Loser" and the new one "Extreme Makover- Weight Loss Edition (it's called something like that) and wonder why I couldn't do it on my own.  I wish I could've lost at least half of the weight I needed to and stayed with a normal stomach and didn't have to do WLS.  I was self pay so I totally think the money was worth it, but I just hate myself for getting so big and having to do WLS.  I sometimes hate not being able to drink with my meals, taking all the vits, having yearly blood tests, not taking NSAID's, and some of the other problems with medicine I've recently gone through...because I had the WLS.   Sometimes a little part of me gets mad at myself for having to do the WLS and living with how you have to cope with it by followoing all the rules.   Why did I get so fat???  I loved food and how it tasted and just couldn't stop!!  I let myself get too overweight and then it was too overwhelming to lose it all for me!!!!

But I also know I would've either gotten bigger (maybe 300 lbs??!!)  or not have lost the weight and still would've been miserable if I didn't do the WLS.   I don't ever want to gain the weight back though and have it pointless to do this WLS and not use my "tool" that I've been given.   I sometimes wonder if I would've had the VSG if I would've done as well and kept the weight off like I have, but I can't go back. 

Just rambling though and expressing my thoughts out loud on here though.  I am 90% grateful that I did the WLS, just miss my old stomach and the things it used to do and was able to tolerate.   I wish I would've researched a little more before I had the RNY about possibilities of RH, lactose intolerance, and other things you can get post op, but I didn't.   Now I just have to move on and live my life with what I've been given.   Thanks for listening!

Hey there my friend who I haven't talked to forever.  I think at this stage, when we have a bit of a regain we start re-examing what we did.  We start wondering if we had the right surgery.  I don't have all the same feelings, certainly never could have taken off the weight without my rny, but am finding at this stage in the game I do wonder if a ds would have been a better choice until.. lol, a ds'r told me it's just as hard on that side of the fence.  Made me feel a whole lot better.  I don't miss drinking, or getting way full like before surgery.  I sometimes miss being useless... I mean now I'm expected to function like normal people, before I could just sorta sit there and not do anything.  Sometimes my plate of life feels too full. 
Any ways, hang in there, know I'm with ya.

Bonnie

Sometimes I miss some things and then realize I'd rather be dead than where I was. I say that because I was already dead and just trying to find my grave to lay down. I decided to not dwell in some of the things I miss and start a new life. Now I can be a dad, a husband, a friend, an athlete, and what ever else I decide to be because there is nothing to stand in my way anymore since the old me got out of the way !

Good luck getting back to where you want to be! Forget that stuff you miss and enjoy the new life you have !

Oh you just don't KNOW.

I miss my old stomach very often. The thing we have to remember is that missing our old eating capacity doesn't mean we miss our old bodies. We can miss one and be glad to be rid of the other. In my next life I want to have good metabolism and be one of those stick people who does competitive eating things.

Just this week I had a BAD episode with Chinese food that made me a bit resentful. Because I used to love the stuff. Now I am deathly afraid of it. And I miss buffalo wings. And brownies. And regular full fat, full sugar ice cream with fudge sauce on top.

I miss not thinking about food before I eat it. I miss not having an awareness of caloric content.

But when I look at all things, the things I like about my new life far outweigh what I miss about the old.

Still, if I could get that old remnant stomach back for just one day...

Mmmmmm.... brownies......  Oh, I wish you hadn't mentioned those...! 

Lora

 Maybe I'm still new at this and in the honeymoon stage but I don't miss my stomach at all.  And my surgeon removed my remnant stomach, it's not hanging around there any more.  Hopefully with all the part that produces ghrelin.  I don't miss being sick all the time.  I don't miss obsessing about what I was going to eat for lunch while I was eating breakfast.  I don't miss worrying about going places because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to eat for a while.  I don't miss worrying about not getting enough to eat and still being hungry (as if).  I don't miss not having any clothes to wear.  I don't miss always being self conscious about my size.  I don't miss going through the drive thrus and acting like I was ordering for more then one person so they didn't judge how much I was eating.  I don't miss the constant reflux.  I don't miss the fatigue.
I may be weird because I haven't had any side effects like reactive hypoglycemia.  Maybe if I do develop it I may feel differently.  I also don't worry about not having had the right surgery since I did have a DS before and like someone said, it's not all it's cracked up to be.  When I had my DS I second guessed myself and wondered if I should  have gotten a RNY like my sister and cousin who kept their weight off while I continued to regain.  
There is no perfect WLS.  I know without a doubt that there was no way I could maintain a normal weight without help.  I don't even know if I am capable of it with surgery but I've increased my odds from about 3% to 5% to maybe 50% or maybe more.  I'll take it.  It's a better road then the one I was on.

Tazz,

I hope that you keep that attitude!

I felt the same way in my honeymoon period. But slowly your body starts to adapt. I got my cravings back, slowly but surely (my understanding is that this happens regardless of if you have your remnant stomach. Your digestive system begins to increase ghrelin production but not to the level it used to. I could be wrong on that though). Recently my sweet tooth came back with a vengeance. Granted, given the choice between something savory and something sweet, I almost always go with savory, I am a bit worried about how much I do crave sweets. So far my WLS friendly treats do the job.

The further out you get, the more like a non-op you become. You're never completely the same but nowhere near where you were in the honeymoon phase. I think Shari said it best when she responded to one of my FB posts and said "I don't have a pouch anymore. I have a stomach."

I, too, have a stomach. It isn't capable of taking in the gargantuan portions of days old, but I can eat an amount that doesn't raise eyebrows in public.

All that being said, I DO miss some of my old favorite foods. I do miss being able to eat endlessly (after all, dealing with emotional crap is much harder than sedating oneself) and sometimes I miss not giving a flying fig.

So yes...stay the way you are Tazz. Don't ever change!!!

thanks everyone for your comments! I always look at pictures of myself compared to now and think I look so much better now. I am way more confident and just look better overall! It's like Nik said, you can miss one and be glad you are rid of the other. I just miss that my stomach could absorb and take NSAID's (w/o fear of an ulcer like now), that I had a pyloric valve that helped me to stay fuller longer and that allowed me to drink w/meals, that I had the part of my stomach that absorbed the nutrients and I didn't have to load up on calcium 3 times a day and also take more vits (multi, b12, iron, Vit C)... so I just miss my old stomach sometimes and have to reminisce (sp?) about the "old" stomach I used to have.

but I don't miss being huge and my feet hurting so bad at the end of every day, looking in the mirror and hating myself because I was so fat, shopping in the plus sized section and wearing size 22/24's, and just a bunch of other stuff!

I loved being pregnant this last time (with #3) and buying all new maternity clothes and actually having a baby "bump" (instead of just looking fat until 8-9 months along,when I had a pg tummy show through the fat)!! I was such a cute pg lady! And recovery was so much easier with those 130 lbs gone after I had the baby!! I was going to the store and up and going like 3 days after I had my baby w/so much energy, where before I'd be dead tired and it took me months to recover my energy.

And I didn't develop the lactose intolerance until a few months post op. It has gotten better but I still get pretty bad gas instead of dumping when I get too much lactose, which I can tolerate much better. And the RH didn't come till a year later when I was pregnant and mostly went away when I had my baby. But it's still there and mostly comes when I eat a meal with too high of carbs and sugar- I'll have a RH episode about 2 hrs later and have to eat a granola bar or something and lay down for about 20 mins. I just wish I knew about those 2 things and the other stuff RNY people can get after surgery, it would've been helpful!

((( HUGS))) I could not say it better than you did.

I miss fruits and "just fruits days" in the summer...
I miss be able to drink with meal..
I miss be able to have a glass of wine..
I miss NSAIDS..
I miss being "normal" temperature ...(I am HOT ALL the time)
I miss not to have to take tons of supplements and be "normal"
I miss be able to drink plain water
I miss not having any pains or nausea when I start drinking - eating first thing in the morning
I miss being able to eat whatever is offered... (with my current restriction... my friends have to make special efforts to accommodate my "needs")
I miss not have to give myself B12 shots every week.. (with that - my B12 blood level is just 813)
I miss tiramisu...

But there is so many things that I do not miss. 

yeah see I can't eat bananas anymore.... oh man, my pouchie does NOT like bananas! I remember eating banana bread one time and go the worst runs about 20 mins later and just felt so sick! Too high in sugar for me, even though it's natural sugar! But the other fruits like strawberries, watermelon, grapes... I'm fine with.

Oh and I also miss not being able to just chew a few times and swallow.   Most of the time, I do ok and chew enough to not get sick.   But things like hamburgers and stuff with bread, if I don't slow down and chew good and just eat slow, I feel AWFUL!!!  I remember last 4th of July, I ate 1/2 of a hamburger way too fast and felt so sick for about 20 mins, had to lay down.  And then I get a mucusy taste in my mouth and sometimes get the foamies... awful!!  :(  I know when I get that mucusy taste in my mouth, I have eaten too fast.  I notice how much slower I eat though now at dinner since I had surgery, when my husband is done with his meal in 5 mins and I have just barely taken a few bites of food!  It takes me like 10-20 mins to finish my meal and he's already done in like 5-7 mins!

Ah yes, I remember the good old days just newly post op and not having an appetite and getting full so easily on such little food.... the honeymoon phase was nice. And losing all the weight so quickly and not hardly trying at all to lose it. But Nik is right, you do get some hunger back after a while and are able to eat a decent amount of food at about 18 mos after surgery. I can eat about 1 to 1 1/2 cups of food now, depending on the type of food I eat (meats tend to eat less of, etc). You can't eat as much as pre op but it's not as tiny as post op (1 yr and before) and some cravings do come back after a while. And you do gain a little back after about 2 yrs I think (like 10-20% of your body weight), because your body has adjusted to the surgery and absorbs more than just after surgery. You feel more like you have a stomach instead of a "pouch" after a few years out of surgery.