Weirdness after losing a lot of weight

First and foremost, congratulations on such an awesome accomplishment!

Do you think the feelings are due to being the center of attention or are the comments of a negative sort? 

For me, it's been the feeling of being "looked at" even though it was a positive comment from others.  It's hard for me to accept a compliment from people.  On the other hand, I've gotten comments about being too skinny, yada yada and those are hurtful just like the comments made when I was MO.

Sarah, I just wanted to congratulate you  on your remarkable journey and say what an inspiration you are for your courage and your strength! I understand how you feel in having a hard time with the attention. I just change the subject when it comes up and say, "hey, tell me how you are doing?" to someone and that usually helps. Another thing I have said, is "yea, I've worked really hard!" and they seem to agree and not pu**** much further. I just try to be as casual as I can with it because I don't want to talk about it all the time. 

Hang in there and hold your head up high, you deserve it and you have the right to not talk about it too! 

First of all - awesome weight loss! Yey!

Secondly, yes, I know what you are talking about.

I think part of it for me is that I will see people i've known for years who don't see me. It's like they don't see me at all. They literally do not know who I am until I say hey it's me.

I think it's weird for me because I am the same person. And it's almost hurtful in a weird way that someone I have known for 10 years didn't notice that it was me.

Also I realize how much attention I got - positive negative and indifferent - just because I was so large. I walked into a room and everyone noticed me - for one reason or another. It used to be - wow - she's pretty for someone who is so heavy. Wow she dresses nice for a fat girl. Wow despite the weight she is put together. Etc.

Now I blend. Which is nice at times. But it's a BIG change.

IN other ways i was invisible when I was bigger. Men didn't notice me. People didn't take me seriously. And people in general were not as friendly, talkative etc. to me.

When I started losing weight and noticed men paying attention to me. When I noticed people treating me differently (especially at work). and when people in general were friendlier to me - it pissed me off.

Instead of making me happier it pissed me off. Why was I so invisible and unworthy before? I only look different now. I am the exactly the same. Why do I get so much better treatment now?

And then there are the people who don't treat me any differently - the people I feel safe with. The people I know who are good people and not shallow. It shows you people's true colors.

Congrats on how well you are doing.

My .02

Feelings are not rational and don't need to be justified.  You have mixed feelings when people respond/react to your weight loss.  Name 'em and claim 'em! 

Sometimes I think if I had tumours all over my body and that is how people knew me, then one day they were all gone - that people would rejoice!  They wouldn't have identified "me" with my tumours - but would surely have felt sorrow and compassion for the disease that was not my fault.

The type of tumour I had was fat.  Yet, people identified me as that "fat" person - and all of the stigma/judments/ prejudices that go with that.

We who are/were fat have that unique experience of being identified with looks - and not known for who we are.  It is complicated to deal with reactions when we've turned expectations upside down.    BTW, some of us internalize those judgements and turn around and project them onto OTHER fat people.  So no room here for saints or martyrs.

Hope you find peace within.  For me - I just try to enjoy whatever comes my way.  120lbs lost - and when people see me for the first time in a long time - I actually have some FUN with whatever they might come out with.  To be honest, I've had all of those same feelings toward myself.  8)  Good and bad.

Thanks to everyone for great posts on this subject.

Hi Sarah,

I know EXACTLY how you feel!! Sometimes it's damn embarrassing. People that I don't see often, exclaim and want to know how much I've lost. So I tell them... then it's 'how did you do it'? My standard answer is 'I changed my life with my diet and lots of exercises'. I refuse to tell everyone that I had surgery. It's none of their damn business and I don't feel like I have to justify my decision.

The reaction that surprised me is the 'jealousy' or the 'envy' on some women. My immediate supervisor is my biggest supporter. She knows I had the surgery. But she is also the one with the jealousy. She always whines that she can't drop the 50 lbs she's gained. I always am her biggest judge... I keep telling her that she isn't REALLY trying to loose the extra weight.... she's just throwing the 'diet' thing around... she make half hearted attempts but never keeps it up...

I have lost a very dear friend because of my weight loss. She was always taller than me by about 6 inches but she was lighter than I was. Now, I've dropped 210 lbs and she has gained another 25 lbs. She is so envious and jealous that she won't talk to me any more. I've always been sensitive to her feelings and because we live in different provinces, we don't see each other very often. We talk on the computer. I never brought up weight loss with her, because I knew it was a touchy subject. I only gave the information that she specifically asked about then changed the subject.

After she had received our invitation to come to our 25th anniversary celebration, she called my hubby and asked him to send her a recent picture of me. The picture he sent was fairly recent... just after last Christmas. I had only lost about 170 lbs then. She sent us an email that said that she and her hubby would not be able to come to our celebration and that we shouldn't bother to try to call her again. I was absolutely crushed! She had been my friend for the past 23 years!! Now she is calling it quits?

Her hubby says that she's very jealous and won't discuss it with him. I'm still hoping for a good outcome, but that might be wishful thinking. I just can't live by other people's views or opinions any more. I choose to look at the lighter, brighter side of life now...

People that never had to struggle with their weight, have a completely different viewpoint. I was fat and depressed at 388 lbs. But now, the weight has been lifted off my shoulders and everywhere else now... I'm happy all the time.... I don't care what other people think... EVER. They will have their own opinions and will share them with anyone. I have my opinions too...

Whenever someone (normal) says something that is supposed to be nice (in their opinion) But it comes out condescending or cruel... I usually pinpoint one aspect of their appearance and make the same kind of compliment. Sarcastic, back handed, off hand comment then leave the room to let them think about what they're doing to me... You don't have to be mean when you say it... you don't want to hurt them... you just need them to understand that their backhanded comments hurt your feelings and show them how. :)

This is the first time I have met you. :) I went 'sneaking around' and took a look at the pictures you have posted on here. I want to tell you that I'm absolutely amazed!!!

You are definitely a beautiful woman. But from the first picture to the last.... I see one huge change. The first pictures, show you smiling for the camera. But the facial expressions are 'troubled'. As the pictures progress, I see the emotional change that happens....*smile*.... it's huge on you!!! by the time I got to the last picture, I could see that you are definitely HAPPY again. You have such an inner glow.... almost like knowing you have a hidden secret.... that's the absolute best part...!!!


You're an inspiration to me and some others. Stay true to yourself and try to find a little good in other people's reaction. Usually they are good at heart, just thoughtless in their choice of words and actions.

Melody

 Thanks ya'll for all the comments!  I am really struggling with this at the moment.  It didn't help that I had lived up in Canada for about a year, so they hadn't seen me in all that time losing the weight.  

I know they mean well, and I do get angry sometimes... but I also need to sit back and accept a compliment or ten LOL.  I too was in hiding as a fat woman.  I am not used to the attention at all, and it makes me very uncomfortable.  I love that I don't stick out in a crowd... well except for being almost 6' with 4" inch heels on LOL... in South TX I am taller than most men even... but that I am ok with being different about..

I guess what really upset me was the family's comments.  I guess since they are closer to me I expected a little different.  

I have noticed that I have been surrounding myself with newer friends, just so I don't keep hearing... "Its you, but it doesn't look like you!" 

Thanks again ya'll for the great comments.  They are really helping to know my situation is not unusual!
-Sarah