8 weeks post op, feel great, but hubby left
I was totally blindsided by this. It was very sudden and everyone in both families are in shock. We have lots of friends, and I've had a lot of comments about looking great, etc. I think it was bothering him, but he has turned it into it's all me... I have done some research about this and I guess divorce rates are high after WLS. Any insight would be helpful. Thanks
Wow, so sorry to hear that. You weren't "that big" to start out, only 228 or something right? So with a 50lb loss you are probably pretty thin or at least really getting there and looking pretty great I can imagine. But marriage isn't about looks, that only counts in the beginning.
What did he tell you? Maybe it is more the change in your life style, not really how you look. My sister had a heart attack at 38 years old to to her type 1 diabetes and her husband left her 6 months later, I think due to life style change. She changed everything and he just didn't want all that change.
I'm sorry. How do you feel about it? Maybe it's a good thing in the long run, if he can't support you in this then you need to find a person who will.
What did he tell you? Maybe it is more the change in your life style, not really how you look. My sister had a heart attack at 38 years old to to her type 1 diabetes and her husband left her 6 months later, I think due to life style change. She changed everything and he just didn't want all that change.
I'm sorry. How do you feel about it? Maybe it's a good thing in the long run, if he can't support you in this then you need to find a person who will.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. ~ Ayn Rand
My ex husband split years before I had the surgery. I blamed my weight, even though he had left for a woman who was larger as well. I've learned that it is typically a much bigger issue for us, those of us who are living with the weight and weight loss. There has to be some core issue behind it, that is beyong physical. I remember that shocked feeling and I just want to say that I am wishing you peace and healing through this whole ordeal. Whatever happens, hold your head high and be proud of your success.
I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. I could have gone a lifetime without experiencing a divorce but hindsight wow am I glad it happened (you couldn't have told me that when I was going through it though). I have remarried (I refused to get in a relationship for 3-5 yrs after the divorce..hell I deserved to be single after 17 yrs with that other person) and I am very happy. I think going through this surgery and followed so closely by a blow like this is tough and again I am sorry. Keep your head up, you will have good and bad days (due to both surgery and divorce) but it really will get better.
How long were you married? Do you have kids?
How long were you married? Do you have kids?
RNY at Vanderbilt Nashville, TN July 26, 2010 with Dr Clements. All loss is post op
Wow- I am also divorced, although I left him 16 years ago and it is one of the best decisions I ever made....I changed he didn't....hang in there, this may be a new exciting chapter in your life....sometimes it is hard to see the window when a door closes in your face...but it will come!
Best of luck....I went from a 22 to a 12 and have a new beau....so don't give up hand in there!
Best of luck....I went from a 22 to a 12 and have a new beau....so don't give up hand in there!
I am so sorry. I know it is hard. My x decided that he wanted a friend with beniffits when we were married. I could always tell when he was cheating on me because he would become even more abusive. I put spyware on the computer and was able to prove it. I finally had a cut and dry reason to kick him out. The day he left, I felt as though a million pounds had been lifted off of me. I have been single ever since. I love the freedom.
Please remember that this isn't about YOU. This is about him. He left for what ever reason. You are not the cause of this. Hold your head up and know that if he wasn't willing to even tell you what was going on or even try to work it out, it's all on him. You have had WLS and survived and are surviving. This is, by far, one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life. You are an amazing person for this factor alone.
I, like others who have posted here, am here for you and I have two open ears and big hugs when you need it.
Please remember that this isn't about YOU. This is about him. He left for what ever reason. You are not the cause of this. Hold your head up and know that if he wasn't willing to even tell you what was going on or even try to work it out, it's all on him. You have had WLS and survived and are surviving. This is, by far, one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life. You are an amazing person for this factor alone.
I, like others who have posted here, am here for you and I have two open ears and big hugs when you need it.
Thank you all for the support. I actually laughed at a few... "he wanted to be friends with benefits" omg my ex said the same thing! Last night he even invited me to a family picnic today. "It's not me it's him", exactly how I feel. And now that it's been about a week, I am loving the me time. I am a RN at a busy hospital and I just don't give myself me time...until now. The hardest part has been learning how to start the weed wacker and how to deal with the pool, but I'm getting there. In the past if I had stress I'd eat, but can't eat now, I don't smoke, or use drugs, so I had to find some other stress reliever. I now rearrange the house and exercise, that's my stress relief. Oh, and yes, we have had problems on and off for the last 18 years.
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