Fear of Failure and Early Indicators of Success

I'm just curious if people have any thoughts on early indicators of success.  It seems that WLS surgery is such a mixed bag.  I know people who struggle every day, counting calories and putting in hours at the gym just to maintain a 70% weight loss.  But I also know people who eat 2,000 calories a day, don'****ch carbs and snack on a whole lot of crappy food and have managed to keep their weight off for 7 or 8 years so far.  It seems so hit or miss.

Lately I have been having a major "fear of failure".  I have scoured the message boards for every bit of information I can get and am now scared ****less that I am going to fail at this.  Yes, I know it isn't going to be easy.  But I just can't get the thoughts of failure out of my head. 

I have had smooth sailing since my surgery.  Literally.  I have had maybe one incidence of dumpin and it wasn't even bad, just a little diarhea.  I haven't vomited once.  I moved into regular foods at 3 weeks (at the advice of my surgeon) and haven't had a problem with anything besides steak.  Chicken and eggs go down like a dream.  I can eat more than they say we should be able to.  I can drink water faster than they say is possible.  I'm not purposely trying to push any of this stuff, it's just happening naturally.  But it scares me.  Does my "ease" early on mean I might lose less in the long run?  

I'm especially scared about this, as I know it will be easier to eat things I shouldn't.  I have been so, so, so good up until this weekend (my one month surgiversary).  I haven't even caved to one quarter of one ounce of bad carbs.  But today, I ate 4 cookies in a row.  I feel horrible that I did it and can't help but think this is just another indicator that I will fail.  

I have heard the advice:  Track everything, walk a lot, stay away from carbs and sugar, get a lot of protein, drink a lot of fluids.  But there's got to be more to it than that. 

So my question is... am I going to fail?  Does having an easy time early out mean less success in the long run?  Are there other indicators of success or failure at this stage? 

Does an easy time early out mean less chance of success?  I don't think so.  As far as I know, having lots of complications early out does not make you more likely to succeed.  If anything, I would think not having complications would be a sign that things are going well, which might suggest things would continue to go well, so maybe it's an indication that you are more likely to succeed.

But really, I don't think we can tell in the very beginning how things will be a few years down the road.  Perhaps the people that are eating Doritoes when they are supposed to still be on the pureed diet may be slightly less likely to succeed, if that is an indication that they will continue to make very poor food choices.  But even those people could begin making changes as time goes on.

Shannee, I worry a great deal about weight regain too. I did a bad thing and went to the main message board and read all of the posts where people thought RNY is such a bad surgery. They cited all of the flaws of the surgeries and none of the positives. They will advocate their choice of surgery and how crappy ours is until the bitter end. To say the least, I am not reading them anymore b/c it freaked me out - now, I am only reading this forum, where the people are supportive and experiencing the same thing as we are. That Main Forum is full of drama and at times displays some real nastiness. What I am trying to say is that you can't read and read and read those posts and expect that all of that information applies to you. It does not. Like Kelly said, everyone is different. I have failed to keep the wieght off after sooooooo many times at diets - losing 100's of pounds over the years, that I live in terror of regain. I decided that I am going to surround myself with the right people, go do support classes and trust (and love) myself. I am going to do the very best that I can do. Don't get upset over the cookies....no harm done. Just move forward. You WILL be a success.

 Hi, I never thought of failure. The RNY surgery was the best thing that I ever did for myself.
I have comletley lost all my weight I lost 137 lbs. I feel totally good about myself. The only way you
will fail is if you keep thinking you will. Don't think about it and you won't fail.

Steven

But how do you define "fail"?!?  If you regain 20 of your 137 pound loss are you a "failure"?!?

Sorry, but even though positive thinking IS important (and a positive outlook may help keep people doing the thbings they need to do in order to be successful), the statements that "The only way you
will fail is if you keep thinking you will. Don't think about it and you won't fail." are too simplistic and completely unrealistic.

Lora

Success is subjective and varies from patient to patient and from medical professional to medical professional.  You get the whole spectrum here and that is a good thing that keeps us newbies in check.

One of the vets advises  that your honeymoon period should be used to develop better habits for the long haul.  Generally, you will lose weight for 18-24 months post-op even if you eat potato chips and cookies due to that glorious malabsorption of calories.  Once that is gone, though, we are on our own and bad decisions can lead to weight gain and the dreaded "failure".

Cookies aren't failure, but (and I say this with affection), maybe four cookies at once was pushing the envelope.  Some people would say all carbs are of the devil and must be avoided like the plague.  I am not of that camp.  So early out, though, you could try to train yourself that one cookie is enough.  One cookie dipped in Greek yogurt?  One cookie with a half cup of fruit?  It's a compromise.  For some, it is a slippery slope.

I agree--When you read the posts of folks that are years out and are maintaining, you see they are doing what you say:
"Track everything, walk a lot, stay away from carbs and sugar, get a lot of protein, drink a lot of fluids." AND take your vitamins!  Weigh yourself on a schedule that suits you and doesn't make you a slave to the scale.  Visit your doctor often for follow-up evaluations and labs.
I don't think there is much more to it than that except for everyone's personal experience and how their body has reacted.  Doing all of the above is like 300% more that I, personally, ever did before.

There is a learning curve here--I had my moments with saltines and butter and nut crackers.  We are working on changing years of behavior that lent itself to obesity.  That doesn't happen overnight.  You are too early out to be so hard on yourself.  I don't think your smooth sailing post-op will impact your success either way but you can count it as a blessing.  YOU are in charge of your success, as determined by you and your medical team, and I wish you all of the best in this journey!

At my surgical clinic, they always say that the patients who do all their follow-up care (ie: nutritionist appointments, psychologist appointments, surgical appoints, attend the support groups) are the ones who are the most sucessful.

I've had no issue, no nausea, no food related problems.  I've been very successful.  Part of that is I am a rule follower and haven't strayed from the straight and narrow of my new routine.  Does that mean I haven't had a taste of something I shouldn't have, no, I have.  But I went right back on my routine. 

Everyone's body is different and most of these sugeon groups are different and what you define as success may be different than what I define as success. 

Look at the cup half full, not half empty.  Take each stage as it happens and make the best of it.

No, having an "easy" time early out has NOTHING to do with how much weight you will lose or how successful you will be in the long run.  Keep in mind that, contrary to the number of posts here about problems, MOST people have very few problems (as far as eating and drinking).

I personally think that "success" has to be defined in more ways than just the weight on the scale or the size tag in your clothing.  Is someone who originally lost every bit of their excess weight and got into a size 2 but then regained 10-20 pounds and now wears a size 6 a "failure"?  Not in my book.  What about someone who never got below 200 pounds but is off ALL of their medications and gort drid of some severe health problems?  NOT a failure in my book!  What about someone who only lost 70% of their weight to begin with despite following all the "rules"?  You get the idea.  

I think success needs to be defined by how healthy and happy you are.  I would argue that even the hypothetical person you mentioned ("counting calories and putting in hours at the gym") is a "success" -- and, if they are maintining a 70% loss, so would the ASMBS and many surgeons -- because they are healthier than they were and have healthy habits (assuming they are not eating crap). As much as it is not "politically correct" to say so here, the reality is that NOT EVERYONE'S BODY will allow them to be a certain weight.  NOT EVERYONE was built to be a size 0 or size 6 or even size 10. All you can do is follow through on eating a healthy diet and moving your body.  If you are defining "success' by trying to maintain an artificially low weight that your body is not comfortable with, it will always either be an uphill battle or a losing one.

Lora