spouse struggles
I agree with the advice for counseling, both individual and couples, whatever your point of view re: philosophy of life or religion. I would say (being a psychotherapist myself) that what is happening is both of your issues- his insecurity and you growing out of yours. Growth on the part of either person is very threatening to the system of marriage that you have set up between the two of you, and it would be useful to get professional support through this.
Take the time to find someone you both feel like you can trust.
Take the time to find someone you both feel like you can trust.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
This is not uncommon. If you and he BOTH want to save your marriage then it is imperative that you BOTH go to counseling, not together even intially but individually then when/if you are both willing to give it your ALL then couples counseling.
You have to discuss this with him......he HAS to be willing and open to attend, some won't, mine didn't and today we are divorced.
I wish you the best, it's tough.
You have to discuss this with him......he HAS to be willing and open to attend, some won't, mine didn't and today we are divorced.
I wish you the best, it's tough.
Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05
9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining
www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com
I agree with the others that have suggested marriage counseling and possibily counseling individucally for you and individually for him. You don't have to tell but I'm wondering what he did when you were crying your eyes out. When a guy says "it's not you its me," that throws up big red flags for me but honestly we don't know what is in his heart.
I would not give up but I would not let it go very long without some positive action.
Hugs and strength coming your way...
I would not give up but I would not let it go very long without some positive action.
Hugs and strength coming your way...
While I was crying he was sitting next to me with his hand on my knee hold ing back his own tears.This isnt smt that I can just overlook or move on from.He has been with me since I was 15-we have been together 12 years and been through alot.this is another bump in the road...I wont let this go for to long wtihout taking some sort of action
Loving this new life, just trying to figure it all out and take it all in day by day!!!
wow you just said what i was thinking,,,what was he doing when you were crying your eyes out,,i'm sure he has been with you long enough to know what pushes your buttons and what hurts you,,,some people have this need for attention and the word "manipulation" comes to mind,,it is brought out thru insecurities but it's very hurtful and destructive,,and unfortunatly it's usually to the person it's being dirceted at,,demand counseling and i'd do that right away ,,cause evenually the emotional blackmail is gonna get to you and the guilt he will try to make you feel will start destroying everything you have worked for ,,even though your guilty of nothing,,this is his control issue,,,please get him to counseling and soon,,good luck hun
I agree with the counseling. Once his insecurities are under control, maybe you could renew your vows to each other.
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons.? - Jim Rohn
"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby
(17 lbs lost pre-op)
I apologize if I said something that made you feel like you shouldn't fight for your husband and what you had in the past or even a better relationship with him. I believe that love conquers all. I am reading a book tiitled "Love Wins" and I believe it is true "love is all there is." I am praying for you and your husband and any little ones there may be. Remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Take a deep breath and listen to that "still small voice inside you." Best wishes...
Your fine,I knew posting this I would get differant opionins and stuff.We are a christian couple and we do have god in our marriage so therefore I know we will make it through.Thank you for your prayers,they are appreaciated
Loving this new life, just trying to figure it all out and take it all in day by day!!!
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