Overwhelming sadness

When wanting to post this as a topic I tried to think of how I wanted to name it, and aLL I could think of was overwhelming sadness because at this moment it is how I feel.

Really, you will think me silly when you hear my reason for such sadness.  I have only one child who is 15 years old.  He is on the football team and it is a great sense of pride in our family that he has committed himself so fully to his sport and his academics.  This coming Tuesday the team will go to Orlando Fl to play at the ESPN sports complex and then spend time at Disneyworld.  I signed up to go on the trip with him and since have had to cancel the trip for me.

Why, well, there is no one clear answer it is just what I thought I had to do in July when I felt like it was becoming too much to think of leaving work and coming up with money....and of course my soul sucking principal who gave me 3 classes I have never taught before.  Either way, I canceled it.

As the trip comes near I am very sad that I am not going and doing this with him.  I only have this one son and it only happens this one time.  I feel like I made a huge mistake and I can't do anything about it.  I am not depressed, just very sad and I think I am allowed to feel  my feeling with out being depressed.

Why am I sharing it here, because I feel like eating candy and cake and donuts...you name it.  I have not!  I hope I do not, but the sadness is the worst I have had since surgery and I just never really understood how much I comforted myself with food.  I need to find other comfort.  Please help. 

Lisa, I hate to hear this... you always do such a good job of pointing out the silver lining for everyone else. I wish telling you to cheer up and saying you made the best decision you knew to make at the time would magically make you feel better, but I know it won't.

GOOD JOB on not giving into your cravings and pacifying yourself with those foods. EVEN BETTER JOB on getting on here and trying to use it as at least one outlet to keep you from doing that. Hang in there and keep doing it! You know the reasons why you won't give into it... you've come too far!!

I know you want to be with your soon, and I hate that you can't be. But, you can't beat yourself up about. He'll still play a great game, have a blast, and come tell you all about it. Is there a special project you could do while he's gone to let him know you had wished you could have made it like painting his room or getting him a new video game? I'm sure you're more beat up abou it than he is. Just hang in there and steer clear of the sweets, my sweet!

Thanks Heather.....Yeah my son is such a sweet kid that when I start to cry he tries to cheer ME up!  He is so cute!  He has a great way of making me feel better with his compassion and concern for me, which just makes me want to go even more!  To share this with him....but I can't and there must be a reason, just wish I knew what it was that MADE he cancel this trip. 

Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down. But, I am glad to hear that you've resisted turning to food. It's a victory that, without using your old crutch, you can feel sad without spiralling into depression.  FWIW, when I was 15 my school jazz band went to Disney to compete and I had plenty of fun without my mom being there.   I hope you feel better soon.

Rachel

 Aw, thanks Rachel, I know he will have fun with out me.  I just wish I could go and at least see him in a game.  I have never missed his play a game a day in his life.  Not one minute.  This will be the first time he plays and I will not be in the stands to cheer him on.  Growing up SUCKS!  LOL

Sorry to hear about that. You guys worked really hard to get there. Hopefully there will be other opportunities. Don't give up. Before WLS we all went to food for comfort, but it's not the solution. Be strong, stay positive, and don't give in to going to food for comfort. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better. I hope you feel better and remember it's not your fault.

Several years ago I had a therapist, a pretty good one, I think, who used to tell me that feelings are just feelings.  They can't kill you.  You will survive them and they won't last forever, either.  It's OK to feel them, it's good to feel them, even if it's not enjoyable at the time.

Maybe it's kinda like having WLS.  We have some pain after surgery and it's OK that it hurts.  It's not fun, but it's not a bad things, either.  We'll get through the rough first few days and the pain won't last forever.

I don't think your reason for being sad is silly.  And you know what?  Your feelings are your feelings and you don't have to justify them or worry about whether or not they might be silly.  Maybe some people would not feel sad in your position, but so what?  They aren't you.  They don't have your feelings about your son and they may have different priorities than you do.  And that's OK too.  But it's perfectly OK for you to be sad.

Sometimes I think we get scared of our feelings.  Well, I do.  I was actually having a pretty hard evening and I will confess... I just finished eating some bread that was left from dinner.  It was not a huge amount but I didn't need to eat it and I was defintely eating it for comfort.  And I feel slightly better now but still not that great.  Plus I kinda feel like I have a big lump in my stomach.  This bread was too doughy or something.  Tasted good though.

So.  What would comfort you besides cake and candy?  Long bubble bath?  Talking more about the feelings?  Talking to your son, or writing him a letter, about how proud you are of him and how much you wish you could be there and how you'll be thinking of him the whole time?  Arranging for someone to take lots of pictures for you?  Planning something special to do with your son when he gets back, just the two of you?  Curling up on the couch under your favorite blanket (I'm not the only one with a favorite blankie, am I?) and watching your favorite movie?  Spending some time in the kitchen preparing a really healthy, really delicious meal for yourself?  And your family, if they wanna eat too.

 Kelly, if we lived close we would be best friends.

Your post means the world to me, it helped tremendously!  Thank you for taking the time to write that.  

I am going to write him a letter that he can read on the plane.  I am so proud of him, and I want him to have fun and not be concerned that I am sad.  I need to buck up and get through this.

I do totally believe in feeling my feelings, and that fact that they will not kill me keeps me from shoving donuts in my face!  LOL