Labor Day Parties
I had two parties to attend yesterday where some knew I had the surgery and some didn't. The first was my grandsons 4th birthday party. I knew everyone there and they were very supportive, except for one person. She said "Six people in my office have had that surgery and they ALL gained all their weight PLUS more back" Now I am sorry~~~I don't believe that. Why do people keep telling me this, is what I am wondering?
Second party was a very close male friend. Most didn't know. The word was spreading because I am usually the life of the party and get things started. As you know I could not do that as well this time due to the main fact I could not get in the pool. I am a fish in the water and my drain site is not healed, so I could not get in the pool. Most were AGAIN very supportive, but one. She said "Oh my friend had that done and it didn't work and she gained all her weight back and more". Now both people at both parties are overweight. They seemed to want me to feel bad, of course I didn't. I just don't understand why people want to put this right in your face.
I am guessing plain old not understanding. Most people do not know all the tests and meetings you need to go through to get here. They act like you just jumped in and had surgery and figure that is all you need to know. I have learned a lot about all of the weight loss surgeries and I know what I need to do and where I want to be. I know this is not a magic bullet, but a tool I must work. Why do people want to always find fault with everything you do? Having said that~~~~so many yesterday were saying how good I looked and to keep up the good work! There are those that have no clue what the surgery is and ask you a million questions. I had a GREAT time at both parties and danced. I had no wine, which I usually do and plenty of it...lol. I don't need to drink to have fun!. It was weird though, because I was the first to leave, WHICH NEVER happens, but I was tired. I am only 2 1/2 weeks out and I do still get tired easy right now. BUT my question is this: How many times a day do you all hear "That surgery does not work, I know so many that have gained all their weight back"?
Second party was a very close male friend. Most didn't know. The word was spreading because I am usually the life of the party and get things started. As you know I could not do that as well this time due to the main fact I could not get in the pool. I am a fish in the water and my drain site is not healed, so I could not get in the pool. Most were AGAIN very supportive, but one. She said "Oh my friend had that done and it didn't work and she gained all her weight back and more". Now both people at both parties are overweight. They seemed to want me to feel bad, of course I didn't. I just don't understand why people want to put this right in your face.
I am guessing plain old not understanding. Most people do not know all the tests and meetings you need to go through to get here. They act like you just jumped in and had surgery and figure that is all you need to know. I have learned a lot about all of the weight loss surgeries and I know what I need to do and where I want to be. I know this is not a magic bullet, but a tool I must work. Why do people want to always find fault with everything you do? Having said that~~~~so many yesterday were saying how good I looked and to keep up the good work! There are those that have no clue what the surgery is and ask you a million questions. I had a GREAT time at both parties and danced. I had no wine, which I usually do and plenty of it...lol. I don't need to drink to have fun!. It was weird though, because I was the first to leave, WHICH NEVER happens, but I was tired. I am only 2 1/2 weeks out and I do still get tired easy right now. BUT my question is this: How many times a day do you all hear "That surgery does not work, I know so many that have gained all their weight back"?
"Patience is bitter, but the fruit can be sweet." 
They do indeed have some truth in what they speak. I know many folks *****gained. Hence, I weigh myself practically every day.
I went to a big time Labor Day party yesterday. I had a couple of sips of wine, plenty of the best tasting water and nibbled on some food... not much. I was engaged in wonderful conversations and had a wonderful time!
I went to a big time Labor Day party yesterday. I had a couple of sips of wine, plenty of the best tasting water and nibbled on some food... not much. I was engaged in wonderful conversations and had a wonderful time!
Janet
"Respect the pouch & embrace the scale."
There are 2 parts to RNY surgery.
Part 1- Rapid and profound weight loss from the actual surgery. This is from the science of the surgery- restriction and malabsorption. Many of us call this the HONEYMOON Stage.
Part 2- After 6-12 months, no more rapid weight loss. Now its on the person to use WILL POWER and self-contol to reach goal weight and spend the rest of their lives keeping the weight off!
Part 2 is when most folks regain all the weight back.... and more.
Sorry to break the bad news to you but its important that you know the truth.
Part 1- Rapid and profound weight loss from the actual surgery. This is from the science of the surgery- restriction and malabsorption. Many of us call this the HONEYMOON Stage.
Part 2- After 6-12 months, no more rapid weight loss. Now its on the person to use WILL POWER and self-contol to reach goal weight and spend the rest of their lives keeping the weight off!
Part 2 is when most folks regain all the weight back.... and more.
Sorry to break the bad news to you but its important that you know the truth.
Janet
"Respect the pouch & embrace the scale."
I'm confused. There are only two parts, a six month honeymoon and then six to 12 months? Um, my surgery must have had a third part because I am going on three years out. My surgery didn't disappear after one year. The science of my surgery, restriction, is still helping me maintain my lower weight.
I don't think most folks regain all their weight back between months six to 12. Most people continue to lose during that time period. I think it would be very hard to regain weight at that time.
I don't think most folks regain all their weight back between months six to 12. Most people continue to lose during that time period. I think it would be very hard to regain weight at that time.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Usually the people who have negative things to say about surgery, to me anyway, are overweight people who I chalk up to being a bit jealous that either I am lucky enough to have qualified to have ti done, or brave enough to take the step to get it done. Giving up your food security blanket is hard...I can't tell you how many times I backed out and still how much I miss my big meals and just eating whatever I want.
The more I lose the more these nay-says tend to keep their opinions to themselves. You can't argue with my results. I really do look like a different person after only 4 months. I even think that a few of the people who save me the biggest amounts of grief prior to surgery are the ones who now seems to have the most questions and positive comments since I think they find it hard to believe how successful I have been.
Like Janet said, I do feel like I am still in the "honeymoon" phase, where it is pretty easy to take off weight. I know I am about done with this stage and the loses will come with harder work. I have know quite a few people to have a RNY, only one gained all of her weight back, but it was easy to see why. She was one who thought the surgery would cause her to eat less so she would lose and that is all she needed to do, eat less. She never changed what she eat or how she ate. I never once heard her comment on protein or carbs....nothing. I have another family friend who lost about 122 lbs and she could lose another 100 or more really, but has returned to old eating habits so she is not losing, but not gaining either. Everyone else has done great but I also see the changes in their mind set and behavior.
Finally, WLS is often just a big clump to most lay people who know nothing about WLS. Some don't understand the difference between RNY and lap band and most don't even know about VSG or the switch. So when i hear people say "oh they gained all the weight back" Or "they never lost" I think those might be banders, not RNY. Most people I tell about my WLS at first think lap band, so I tell them no RNY and then have to explain the difference.
Sorry my response was so long, I really enjoy discussing this topic, it seems to be us WLS people's biggest discrimination and misconception. But in the end all I need to know is that is has worked for me when nothing else really did. I have never in my life lost 70lbs at one time. I won't gain it back, this I am sure of. I have done and will continue to do best practice, and from what I see that is all you need to do.
The more I lose the more these nay-says tend to keep their opinions to themselves. You can't argue with my results. I really do look like a different person after only 4 months. I even think that a few of the people who save me the biggest amounts of grief prior to surgery are the ones who now seems to have the most questions and positive comments since I think they find it hard to believe how successful I have been.
Like Janet said, I do feel like I am still in the "honeymoon" phase, where it is pretty easy to take off weight. I know I am about done with this stage and the loses will come with harder work. I have know quite a few people to have a RNY, only one gained all of her weight back, but it was easy to see why. She was one who thought the surgery would cause her to eat less so she would lose and that is all she needed to do, eat less. She never changed what she eat or how she ate. I never once heard her comment on protein or carbs....nothing. I have another family friend who lost about 122 lbs and she could lose another 100 or more really, but has returned to old eating habits so she is not losing, but not gaining either. Everyone else has done great but I also see the changes in their mind set and behavior.
Finally, WLS is often just a big clump to most lay people who know nothing about WLS. Some don't understand the difference between RNY and lap band and most don't even know about VSG or the switch. So when i hear people say "oh they gained all the weight back" Or "they never lost" I think those might be banders, not RNY. Most people I tell about my WLS at first think lap band, so I tell them no RNY and then have to explain the difference.
Sorry my response was so long, I really enjoy discussing this topic, it seems to be us WLS people's biggest discrimination and misconception. But in the end all I need to know is that is has worked for me when nothing else really did. I have never in my life lost 70lbs at one time. I won't gain it back, this I am sure of. I have done and will continue to do best practice, and from what I see that is all you need to do.
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. ~ Ayn Rand
I'm not sure why people are like that, but maybe part of it is just that those that have serious complications or that regain a lot of weight are more noticable. From this board, I know that some people that have RNY don't tell their coworkers. They take two weeks off work, then go back and seem perfectly fine. So when their coworkers hear about someone having RNY, they don't say "Oh, a girl in my office had that and she seems really healthy now" because they don't know the healthy girl in their office had WLS. But if someone in their office has serious complications from surgery, they may end up hearing that this person had WLS because they end up being off work for months and decide they need to tell their coworkers what's going on.
Also, when someone says that someone else gained "all their weight back - plus more," they may be right that the person gained some weight back but maybe they didn't gain it ALL back. If someone lost a significant amount of weight and then regained a good bit of weight, maybe their coworker would think it looked like they gained it all back. But are you good at looking at someone and guessing exactly how much they weigh? If you saw me when I weighed 270 pounds, and then you saw me when I weighed 122 pounds, and then a couple years later I was heavy again, would you be able to tell if I was 270 again, or if I was 240 then or if I was 290? I think you'd just know I gained but not really know how much.
If someone tells you everyone they know that had RNY gained all their weight back, you can always say "Wow, I wonder how that happened? Everyone I know has done really well." Then start naming people you know. If you don't know lots of people with RNY in real life, name people from OH! "I know Michelle had surgery a number of years ago and she's still really thin. I don't think Andrea gained any back. Kelly is actually below her goal weight. Lora hasn't gained her weight back."
Also, when someone says that someone else gained "all their weight back - plus more," they may be right that the person gained some weight back but maybe they didn't gain it ALL back. If someone lost a significant amount of weight and then regained a good bit of weight, maybe their coworker would think it looked like they gained it all back. But are you good at looking at someone and guessing exactly how much they weigh? If you saw me when I weighed 270 pounds, and then you saw me when I weighed 122 pounds, and then a couple years later I was heavy again, would you be able to tell if I was 270 again, or if I was 240 then or if I was 290? I think you'd just know I gained but not really know how much.
If someone tells you everyone they know that had RNY gained all their weight back, you can always say "Wow, I wonder how that happened? Everyone I know has done really well." Then start naming people you know. If you don't know lots of people with RNY in real life, name people from OH! "I know Michelle had surgery a number of years ago and she's still really thin. I don't think Andrea gained any back. Kelly is actually below her goal weight. Lora hasn't gained her weight back."
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Well said Kelly. I think probably a number of us have heard negative or careless
things. It's hard to guess someone else's motive, but unless that "someone"
is a close friend or family member, it's pretty easy to bru**** off or not care.
I just don't invest much in other people's opinions,,,particularly if they're
not in my close family. I have the odd and instant reaction of laughing out loud
at rude and ridiculous behavior. Don't know why it strikes me like that, but it
sure diffuses the situation. People at work know I've had the surgery because
I'm pretty unpretentious, but I've heard the comments about being careful not
to gain all my weight back, and "don't lose any more because you don't have
a butt" and from a relative..."Really? A size 12? That BIG? You look like you're
a size 6!" To all I burst out laughing, clearly not taking things too seriously.
Enjoy your journey and relish your victories. They're yours and nobody can
take them away with rude comments.
things. It's hard to guess someone else's motive, but unless that "someone"
is a close friend or family member, it's pretty easy to bru**** off or not care.
I just don't invest much in other people's opinions,,,particularly if they're
not in my close family. I have the odd and instant reaction of laughing out loud
at rude and ridiculous behavior. Don't know why it strikes me like that, but it
sure diffuses the situation. People at work know I've had the surgery because
I'm pretty unpretentious, but I've heard the comments about being careful not
to gain all my weight back, and "don't lose any more because you don't have
a butt" and from a relative..."Really? A size 12? That BIG? You look like you're
a size 6!" To all I burst out laughing, clearly not taking things too seriously.
Enjoy your journey and relish your victories. They're yours and nobody can
take them away with rude comments.
Jan
Man, my OH friends, y'all are an eloquent bunch, making PERFECT sense. These thoughtful responses are empowering and sooooo very helpful. Thanks everyone. And Jan your reaction to rude people is EXACTLY how we all should react. Instead of being offended we should react just like you at their ridiculous statements. This is a life-saving surgery and if a person that had cancer had surgery that saved their life, no one would ever say a word and be sympathetic, but for us, it is open season on overweight people so they feel free to say ugly things. Thanks God, we have each other.
HW: 328 GW: 164 CW: 159 Height - 5' 8"
GOAL REACHED 12/15/2012!!!!!!!!!
RNY Surgery Date: 6/21/11
LBL/BL - 11/6/2012 Arm Lift with Abdominal Lipo - 12/11/2012 - Dr. Paul PIn
Love me without restriction, trust me without fear, want me without demand and accept me for who I am. 
- unknown -
I love all of these comments! I know we all hear them and we all act differently to them. Personally they don't bother me when they say these things. Sad to say, but before I went through all of the testing and reading about the different WLS, I too was one who thought it was an easy way out, BOY was I WRONG!!! LOL. I understood better after learning what this tool is and how it works, but most will never understand this. You need to be going through it to understand it. So I choose to learn more and more and work this tool given to me. I will not let what others say discourage me. I am of the mindset that the glass is always "half full". Wishing everyone a Happy Labor Day!!!
"Patience is bitter, but the fruit can be sweet."
A lot of friends, family comments are out of lack of knowledge & fear. Offer to take them to a bariatric seminar or support group meeting.
Sometimes it is a little jealousy in Psych 101 it's called leveling the playing field. Everyone likes to be on the same level and when something like weight loss, new jobs, new relationships etc. happen we like to drag people back down to our level. It's the nasty side of human nature :(
I used to get comments like "Yeah but you won't ever be able to eat XYZ again" or "Yeah but you will have all that skin" Anyone that gets those can feel free to send them over to my blog ;) www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com to see what food is possible after surgery and as for the skin... tell them to donate to your plastics fund if they are soooo concerned LOL.
Sometimes these friends & family come around when they see the success and AWESOME changes in you and sometimes they don't. To those that don't... friends come in and out of your life for a reason... new supportive friends are out there :)
Best wishes to you in your journey.
~Michelle "Shelly"
Sometimes it is a little jealousy in Psych 101 it's called leveling the playing field. Everyone likes to be on the same level and when something like weight loss, new jobs, new relationships etc. happen we like to drag people back down to our level. It's the nasty side of human nature :(
I used to get comments like "Yeah but you won't ever be able to eat XYZ again" or "Yeah but you will have all that skin" Anyone that gets those can feel free to send them over to my blog ;) www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com to see what food is possible after surgery and as for the skin... tell them to donate to your plastics fund if they are soooo concerned LOL.
Sometimes these friends & family come around when they see the success and AWESOME changes in you and sometimes they don't. To those that don't... friends come in and out of your life for a reason... new supportive friends are out there :)
Best wishes to you in your journey.
~Michelle "Shelly"
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