Eating Uncontrollably...Consult appt set

Greetings everyone!

So I have an appt set for a consult to have RNY done...and for some reason, I have been eating uncontrollably since then. I am in a bit of a food fog here, so not sure what is going on.

I know some part of it is the "better eat now, before I have the surgery," craziness in my head. I guess the other part could be fears of the surgery, the fear of failure or sucess....AGH.  OH, and I have this huge cloak of shame surrounding me that I will have to "tell" my family I am getting the surgery..I guess which stems from fealing like a failure.  

All I know, is that I worked hard to lose the last 25 lbs, and I've already gained 10 back, due to the last 10 days of binge eating...since the appt was made.   I have been obese my entire life--from age 4 until now. My BMI is 41. I am 32 years of age and new to this forum. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and encouragement!

Finding comfort in eating is due to the release of serotonin
in our brains; your response to this stress is entirely normal.

Your decision to have any medical procedure is yours. You don't HAVE to tell anyone
about wls if you don't want to.

Do what is right for you and your health.

Hugs,

Thank you. It seems my whole life has been spent making some decisions, based on whether or not people will support me in doing so. Then at other times I have a rebellious attitude and have a flippant attitude about the impact my decisions will make on others.
But you are correct, it is my decision alone. Thank you for giving the power back to me, where it belongs.
And interesting note of the biological process of serotonin. Makes perfect sense! What works for you to release serotonin in a more healthy way?
Thank you!
Tammy

A lot of this uneasy feeling you have is a holdover from being a child and being told what to do. 
It's a hard thing to get over, but when we are really and truly a "grown-up" then we realize we
don't have to be apologetic for our decisions or our life choices. 

This can go overboard when folks make dumb decisions to do drugs, etc., but this isn't like that.

This is where we "put on our Big Girl Panties" (which I find a funny phrase) and face life
challenges as adults.  All the good and bad that comes along with it.

Don't thank me, because I didn't give you anything.  You have whatever you need inside yourself. 
Just dig it out of the cupboard and put it to use!!!!

Re: the serotonin?  Hell, I still enjoy my food, and it still gives me the same satisfaction.  It's just
not the ONLY thing in my life now. 

Find your own peace and mindfullness.

Best wishes,

Well, I was sorta turned off by what I interpreted as your "brusque" response, and was even a bit angry.  But then tonight I reread your post, and I appreciate your approach in being brutally honest.

I have had a lifelong obsession with overeating...and I know there are many immature parts in my thinking--due to living through a food fog in life. I have struggled for years and years caring WAY too much about what my family thinks of me, and getting hurt when they aren't loving and supportive. Maybe if I get the darn food out of my hands and mind then things will be more clear. I dunno, just thinking out loud here.

I loved your comment, "You have whatever you need inside yourself."  The encouragement and reminding me to take back my power is VERY much needed. Thanks for u being you...and having a different approach.

Well, I'm glad you're not mad at me any more, but if you thought I was being "brutal", you're really
going to be amazed at some of the other folks here.  I'm a ***** cat in comparison!

Best of luck!

I think your response is not uncommon at all.  I know it was even raised at our initial group orientation.

With regards to your point about telling your family, I wanted to share a little of my experience in this regard.  I am a very private person and find it extremely difficult to put myself out there and face potential judgement etc. even from my own family.  But I went thru a previous health-related event that I kept private for this reason and realised that my recovery was greatly hampered by the secrecy surrounding it.  For myself, I have decided that this is not going to be my "dirty" little secret.  I am going to lay it out there and simply know that (whatever others may think) I have given this a great deal of thought, research and soul-searching.  My health is suffering and, despite a lifetime of attempts, am actually worse off weight-wise.  If someone has an issue with my decision, it is their problem, not mine.

I decided to compose an email to my family to outline my reasons for moving forward with surgery, some of the commonly held misconceptions about obesity and obesity surgery and asking them for their support.  I was happily surprised by their responses.  I know this is not what everyone will face and not necessarily the best approach for everyone.  That is okay.  I think sometimes it is just interesting to hear the different experiences we each face.

I haven't yet told friends or work colleges...am waiting for an actual surgery date.  But with the support of my husband and family already behind me, feel more empowered to face that issue shortly.

Good luck with your journey,

Andrea.

Andrea,
   It sounds like we have a lot in common. I am very private as well. I would love to read the letter you composed to family, or whatever parts you are comfortable sharing! I agree that the "dirty little secret" approach just reinforces the shame that my relationship with food is all about. And Lord knows I want to break away from doing the same things over and over!
  Thank you for sharing!
   Tammy

Hi Tammy - I am posting a copy of the letter I wrote (emailed) to my family below.  Feel free to use any or all of it if you choose to write a letter.

Regards

Andrea.

Hi All,

As you all know, I am a very private person and so reaching out and asking for your help and support does not come easily for me. It is no secret that I have been struggling with my weight all my life. Despite multiple efforts I have not been able to sustain any meaningful loss and in fact have gradually increased my weight over the years. I have reached a critical point where my weight is now becoming a genuine health risk. I am frankly in the morbidly obese category. I have recently been diagnosed with sleep apnoea which puts one at risk of heart disease and stroke in the long run. My blood work suggests that, a few years down the road, I might be facing the diagnosis of diabetes. All this put together has lead me to seek out the possibility of bariatric (weight loss) surgery.

I know many feel that this is a risky procedure or one limited to those "too weak to lose weight on their own". But you know I have worked hard to lose weight in the past but I have just not been able to keep it off. I am not alone. The vast majority of patients find themselves in this position. In fact, there seems to be many biological and psychological factors that make sustained weight loss more than just about poor willpower. Nonetheless, society often sees obesity as a personal failing and I know I will be fighting this perception.  Regardless of how one seeks to view obesity, the surgery is a long road.  It requires hard work and dedication and is not a quick fix.  Nonetheless, the studies support the fact that the majority of bariatric patients maintain significant weight loss in the long term such that their baseline risks disappear or are greatly reduced.  This is a very important point.  Statistically no other weight loss program comes close to this success.

I would also like to address the issue of risk. Today's procedures are done laproscopically and are vastly safer than those of even recent years. That, coupled with the excess risk I already run with my added weight, make the scales balance in favour of surgery.

UNDERSTAND THIS:  I AM NOT DOING THIS TO LOOK SKINNY BUT RATHER TO INCREASE MY OVERALL HEALTH FOR THE LONG TERM.

I want everyone to understand that surgery is not a cure. It is a tool to help (a) lose weight and (b) keep it off.  This surgery works by greatly reducing one's ability to eat, causes some degree of malabsorption and alters hormones that stimulate appetite. During the 3+ years it takes your body to adjust to the ability to eat more normal quantities, you have an opportunity to solidify healthier eating and exercise habits such that as your appetite returns you have hopefully had enough time to re-train your body and your psyche to a new way of life.

I also want everyone to know that I will really need your help both in practical ways as well as emotionally.   This will be especially around the time of surgery and shortly thereafter.  I know that I am blessed with a family that cares about each other and supports each other even when we have not always agreed with the choices each have made.  I am truly blessed to have you all around me.

I have thought long and hard about this. I have been looking into this as a possibility for the last several years. I have researched a great deal within and outside the medical community.  I am aware of specific risks and failure rates.  I think that this is a very good time for me to go ahead.  I am still relatively young and in good health.  If I take steps now, I can hopefully begin reducing my long-term risks and begin a phase of my life where I am healthy and fit.

I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. I have been assessed by the bariatric team (social worker, dietician, nurse and surgeon) and have been approved for surgery.  I will have a few more appointments to go but will likely book surgery in February.  I hope you will all keep an open mind and that I can count on your support (as always) as I face this new challenge.

All my love ,

Andrea

WOW!

Very nicely written. Thank you very much for sharing it with me...I will most certainly save it to my PC and use when the time comes.

So, my next question stands in asking what were the main FAQ's and main comments from the naysayers? I would like to mentally prepare myself, as well as be prepared with an educated response. I guess I am assuming the worst, but given the history of my family...this is safe to assume. No one in my family has ever had WLS and there are a couple of people in my family that are adamently opposed to it b/c of horror stories they have heard.

Thank you for sharing!
Tammy