What do you do?

happiegirl
on 9/17/11 6:58 pm - Albuquerque, NM

VSG on 04/24/12

When your boyfriend doesn't want you to have wls? He even says how horrible my life will be. He refused to go to my first appointment. He's obese too and says my life will be horrible. Anyone experience this?

Price S.
on 9/17/11 9:50 pm - Mills River, NC

RNY on 09/09/10

I didn't, been married for almost 40 yrs. but if education doesn't work, you still need to think about yourself. My life is so much better now. I can do more things without feeling uncomfortable, my health is better and I can eat anything I want to (want being the operative word here). He may be afraid he will lose you if you are cute and skinny and more outgoing. You can't let him control your desire to get healthy.

66 yrs young, 4'11" hw 220, goal 120 met at 12 months, cw 129 learning Maintainance

Between 35-40 BMI? join us on the Lightweight board. the Lightweight Board

poet_kelly
on 9/17/11 9:57 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

Why does he think your life will be horrible if you lose weight and get healthier?

It sounds like he's speaking out of fear and/or jealousy. The only things I can think of to do are to offer him education (but if he refuses, you can't force him to go to appointments and stuff with you), try to address the feelings he's expressing, and do what you know is best for you regardless of what he wants. When it comes to your health, your boyfriend should not have veto rights.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

dufiedog
on 9/17/11 10:14 pm

RNY on 01/20/11

What Kelly said!!

Lisarn1
on 9/17/11 10:22 pm - Raleigh, NC

RNY on 10/19/09

My husband isn't obese, but he does enjoy fine dining (as do I). After his concerns for my health and safety, he was concerned as to whether I would be able to enjoy the types of foods we loved and the resturants we frequented. Frankly, we still go to the places we've always gone to, but if the food choices need modification in cooking, or substitution, I've found that the wait staff and chef will most likely accomodate. My way of cooking have changed, and sometimes make two different meals for the two of us.

Just curious, but how does he think your life will become horrible?

RNY 10/19/09 - Revision to VSG 10/13/14 - Dr Paul Enochs

gbsinsatx
on 9/17/11 11:14 pm - San Antonio, TX

RNY on 03/22/10

Honestly, you can never count on anyone to be there for you and be in your corner except you. This may sound selfish but you are the only one that counts in deciding what is best for you. You have to be able to go along the path less traveled alone if need be in order to not sacrifice yourself and get lost in the clutter. I have made many decisions in my youth based on a relationship and now that I am older and wiser, I make decisions based on what is best for me. If someone really cares about you they will be supportive and uplifting. You do not need to be surrounded by fear, jealousy, or controlling people especially if they are refusing to educate themselves after you have invited them to learn more about you and your desires.

Age at RNY: 55, Height: 5'4", Consultation Weight: 331 lbs-12/1/2009, RNY Surgery Weight: 281 lbs-3/22/2010, Goal Weight Reached: 141 lbs-6/23/2011, Lowest Weight: 126 lbs-12/11/2011,

Current Age: 61, Current Weight: 161 lbs-5/20/2016, Total Weight Loss Maintained: 170 lbs

Eliza55
on 9/17/11 11:51 pm - PA

RNY on 08/11/11

My husband was not supportive of weight loss surgery. He did not come to any doctor's appointments, and was out of town when I had the surgery. My mother is also not supportive, and continues to berate me for my post surgery diet (I'm doing exactly what the doc recommends). I do have children who are supportive, and my college-age son came to the hospital for my surgery, which was greatly appreciated.

However, I did not do this for my mother, and my husband is accepting of what I need to do to make this a success. I needed to do it for my health, and my health is improving.

Through this journey, I'm learning to be pleasantly assertive about the things that I really need.

Eliza

Consult:239 SW:217 1mo:195 2mo:182 3mo:169 6mo:139 9mo GOAL CW: +2 from underweight

ladybugnessa
on 9/17/11 11:55 pm - Owings Mills, MD

RNY on 09/22/09

you accept that he's afraid and he will not be supportive and you make the choice to do what YOU need to do for you and accept that your relationship will probably not survive.

My soon to be ex husband and I had the surgery together... our marriage did not survive... he still can't find happiness and self love as a thin healthy person....

he left me when I refused to feed into the unhealthy behaviors... and he's with a woman who is bigger now than I ever was...

Nessa
Ticker is from Day of Surgery.. weight goal is personal preference as I've MET my doctor's goal
--

HG/SW/CW/GW
286/253/150/151

happiegirl
on 9/18/11 1:21 am - Albuquerque, NM

VSG on 04/24/12

Thanks everyone

this is really reassuring...I know I'm doing what's right for me.

Jenni_9yrspostop
on 9/18/11 8:38 am

If someone loves you - truly loves you they want the best for you. For someone to want you to continue overweight and with the ensuing health problems doesn't have your best interest at heart. Some people are scared, some people are selfish. You're doing this for you - if he's not in your corner, maybe he doesn't belong in your life? I can't imagine a loved one not supporting me whether they believe in what I'm doing or not.
Jen 10 yrs post op

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