BFF not very supportive

some people don't handle change very well,, it doesn't mean she doesn't care for you it might just mean she cares more for the relationship you two have,,,maybe she thinks or fears it will change,,maybe she fears you might get skinny and not want to be with "her" anymore,,maybe it's not about you,, maybe it's just about her,,and her own insecurities and she doesn't know how to express it,if you think the friendship is worth it then you guys should just talk about it straight up.

So sorry. Worrying about reactions from friends and family is the last thing
we should have to worry about...but I'm betting most everybody here has
had some negativity. A person at work and I were the two heavy girls in
the office. Now I notice that she frequently (okay, most every day) has some
negative comment about my clothing (they don't match that well, that top
is too big, do something different with your scarf......). I just giggle and change
the subject. I did this for ME and my kids and grandies.  Of course, that's easy
because she's not my BFF.  I do have a sister who seems aloof and distant
about this and I absolutely cannot discuss it with her. She is heavy and I
think seeing me thin makes her feel like she'll never get where she wants
to be. I just try to be forgiving and realize that some people, even those I
love, can be threatened by the change.  I'm confident in myself and my
decision though, so I just laugh at the negativity.  It diffuses the situation
and makes a clear statement without snarky words that I could give a
rat's ass about how my surgery affects somebody else.

I'm so sorry to hear that!  I'm lucky,  my BFF had RNY 3 years ago and hasbeen a wealth of support. She got her RNY after I got my lapband, so its been a win win for us both!

My coworkers (worked with them for 5 years) kinda did the same thing, but when I stopped being so grouchy at work after the surgery and started to feel better and have more energy they all understood and then became supportive of me.  

I hope your friend comes around, or at least you can find another friend to lean on

 

M-

I had the same thing happen with a friend. And it wasn't that she didn't think I needed to lose weight. One day I just looked at her and said, "Marguerite, you're not being supportive." That snapped her out of it. She thought about it, then apologized and has not said anything like "oh you'll be so gaunt" or "it's too dangerous" again.

I think that sometimes people think that they are expressing concern about you and what might happen to you or what they think might happen to you and don't realize that in fact they are tearing you down or hurting you.

 I had this problem too! Only my best friend has struggled with her weight too! It was sad, and its hard to lose a friend. For me, I told her two weeks before surgery was date I was getting it done. 1 week before my surgery date, she stopped talking to me, and never called me to see how I was doing. At 2 1/2 months post op, I called her, because she lives in New York (the hurricane), and she asked about my surgery, saying she had been super busy for the last 3 months. 

It sucks to lose a friend, especially when we are doing something good for ourselves. I mean, that should not be a reason to lose a friend, right? It is a grieving process, but if you find out that the friend you had was not someone that will be supportive, you need to get as far away from them as you can! We need positivity in our lives. Plus, my thoughts are that if you are changing your life for the better, the universe will bring more positive and supportive people into your life. And that is honestly what has happened to me since surgery.

Hang in there, and see if she changes her tune. If not, you are better off without her!

All of my friends, including co workers, have been extremely supportive. I couldn't do it without my BFF who had the surgery herself and pushes me along every time I want to quit (I'm in pre op diet stage) However, my father is very unsupportive of my surgery. He told me when I first started it that he didn't understand why I couldn't just do it myself. If I could do it myself, would I have been obese most of my life? When I called to tell him I was approved he said he was happy I was happy but I knew how he felt about it and he just couldn't support my actions. I understand that he is kinda 'old school' and finds most surgeries unneeded but he know all my friends who have had it and never expressed any concern then. I don't know if he just didn't say anything but they aren't HIS daughters but has hurt my feelings for him to be so unsupportive.