Extra skin and dating.. How to dela with that?

I lost 165+ pounds. How do you cope with this issue?

Well, I was in a relationship before surgery so I didn't have to deal with dating someone new with the extra skin and stuff.  But I think I would just be upfront with someone.  I might not tell them on the first date, but they would not be seeing my extra skin on the first date, either.  Um, back when I was dating, I sometimes met people online and I had a rule about the first date.  We had to meet in a public place, we stayed in a public place and there was nothing more intimate than holding hands, and then we went home alone.  Anything more had to wait at least until the second date.

So anyway, even though I did not have an extra skin issue when I was dating, we probably all have our baggage, right?  Mine was major depression and PTSD.  I waited until after dinner and and laid it out on the table over coffee.  I said something like, "I'm really having a nice time, but I think there are some things you should know before we go any further."

I'm thinking the issue of extra skin will be a much bigger deal to you than it will be to your date.

 There was a whole Dr. Phil about this.  A woman has lost lots of weight after RNY and she was dating a guy who hated her extra skin and basically would not get serious with her because of it.  She looked really good to me, and extra skin didn't seem that bad.

Dr. Phil told her that any man who would have an aversion to it has body issues and maybe is not the best guy to date.  But let's be honest, men are visual, so the extra skin can be an issue, that is just the truth. I think you just have to go out there and meet someone, when you know you have hit it off then tell him about losing weight and how it left some extra skin, he will either deal or he won't.  My tummy is pretty flabby and so are my boobs and my BF is doing ok with it, but we were together for 5 years before surgery.

This is interesting, if you do go on some dates keep us posted on how it goes.  I will hunt down and gut all the guys that give you any grief about your skin...no worries!

"I will hunt down and gut all the guys that give you any grief about your skin...no worries!"

LOL Lisa! You crack me up. I'll have to remember that cuz I'm sure I'll have lots of skin issues too! The thought of this has crossed my mind 1 or 1001 times (lol) since RNY. My flab is already heading south and I still have a lot of weight to lose. I pray I can get a tummy tuck/panniculectomy but it is too early to tell. Who knows what the future holds? 

 First off...WoW!! Congrats on losing all that weight! I was snooping on your profile and you look really great!
  I think it was Kelly that said the skin will probably be a bigger deal for you than the other person.  I think she is dead on with that.  While you are worrying about some excess skin, the other person may be concerned about a body part/area that THEY are feeling self-conscious about.

 I also think that how comfortable YOU are with your own body will help dictate how comfortable the other person will be with your body.  

 
 

I think you're right on Gina. It's getting comfortable with your own body and dealing with all the body issues from pre and post op is a lot to deal with.

And to the original poster, remember that they make lots of sexy lingerie nowadays that you could wear that may potentially hide your problem areas or areas that you are self-conscious about. You can even find some naughty outfits in which you wouldn't even have to take off, if you know what I mean (sorry if that's TMI). They even make the kind that have built in corsets. Just like they have spanx that you can wear under your clothes, I am sure there is "evening wear" that is also made to conceal problem areas. Experiment and just try to enjoy the moment. Now, remind me of these things when I get to that point in my journey. hehe

Will insurance pay for any plastic surgery.  Mine paid for my panni.  Otherwise, if it is very important to you, you can self pay.  There is a doctor in Mexico that has very reasonable rates and everyone swears by him.  If I had the money I would be right there.
If self paying is impossible (I know it is for me) then there is nothing to do but accept it.  Sucks, doesn't it?

Back when I was dating and I had lost a lot of weight I worried about the extra skin, too, until I realized that most guys are so excited about getting some that they could care less.  I never had a one say a thing.
Of course things are a lot worse now but my boyfriend has been with me through thick and thing (and thick and thin and thick and thin, I lost count of how many times I lost weight and regained it with him).  He never said a thing, fat or thin, skin or no skin.  It bothers me a lot more then it bothers him.  When I mention something about it and how I wish I could have plastic surgery he looks at me like, why?
B**** this point I have lost 140lbs and it is not pretty.  But it is what it is.  

A girl I work with got BCBS-FL to pay for legs, arms and tummy.  Her doctor said it was a medical necessity.  Good luck to all of you who are looking to do that, hopefully you are just as successful.

BTW, you are my hero!  I hope I can be as successful as you are at maintaining.