I am having a complete meltdown.. and I need to vent.
I thought I was alright. If you have read any of my recent posts, you know that I have had trouble taking in enough calories. I got some great advice from the people here and I have increased my caloric intake over the past few days. I have gotten up to 1100 calories a day. That's healthier, right? I have also been working out more.
I had also decided that it would be perfectly alright with me if I gained back a little weight. Yeah. Okay. So, although I had been bouncing around between 144 and 147, I was staying mostly at the lower end of that for the last couple of months. Last week, I was 144.0. A couple of days ago, I was 147.8 (the highest weight I have been in months). Ok. No biggie. Could be anything.. water, the need to poo, whatever. Yesterday, I noticed that my pants seemed a little tighter. I didn't weigh myself because.. well, because I have been making an effort to eat more and I was scared. This evening I stepped on the scale and it read 149.4. Complete panic set in! What happened to being alright with gaining a few pounds?!?! The last time I weighed this much was like last March! This is the first time since surgery that I have had a steady weight gain. (Meaning not just a day to day fluctuation).
I realize this isn't the end of the world.. or, at least my LOGICAL side does. It sure does FEEL like the end of the world right now, though. Did I mess up my metabolism already? (When I posted about my low caloric intake, the majority of responses were about messing up my metabolism).
I feel like I am going to throw up.. and I can't stop crying despite that fact that I know this is still VERY fixable. (Unless I have, indeed, messed up my metabolism.. then I guess I'm just screwed).
I feel I just stepped back in time.. I am sitting here in tears, feeling fat and miserable and unhappy with my body. I'm afraid to eat, I'm afraid not to eat. I'm afraid that I will never get to enjoy my success and that I will have the "freshly post-op" obsession with the scale/calories/food FOREVER... and that I will still fail.
I can't wait until my medical coverage kicks in. I need to start therapy. No one should be TERRIFIED of a size six. It's ridiculous. I am a HOT mess right now.
I had also decided that it would be perfectly alright with me if I gained back a little weight. Yeah. Okay. So, although I had been bouncing around between 144 and 147, I was staying mostly at the lower end of that for the last couple of months. Last week, I was 144.0. A couple of days ago, I was 147.8 (the highest weight I have been in months). Ok. No biggie. Could be anything.. water, the need to poo, whatever. Yesterday, I noticed that my pants seemed a little tighter. I didn't weigh myself because.. well, because I have been making an effort to eat more and I was scared. This evening I stepped on the scale and it read 149.4. Complete panic set in! What happened to being alright with gaining a few pounds?!?! The last time I weighed this much was like last March! This is the first time since surgery that I have had a steady weight gain. (Meaning not just a day to day fluctuation).
I realize this isn't the end of the world.. or, at least my LOGICAL side does. It sure does FEEL like the end of the world right now, though. Did I mess up my metabolism already? (When I posted about my low caloric intake, the majority of responses were about messing up my metabolism).
I feel like I am going to throw up.. and I can't stop crying despite that fact that I know this is still VERY fixable. (Unless I have, indeed, messed up my metabolism.. then I guess I'm just screwed).
I feel I just stepped back in time.. I am sitting here in tears, feeling fat and miserable and unhappy with my body. I'm afraid to eat, I'm afraid not to eat. I'm afraid that I will never get to enjoy my success and that I will have the "freshly post-op" obsession with the scale/calories/food FOREVER... and that I will still fail.
I can't wait until my medical coverage kicks in. I need to start therapy. No one should be TERRIFIED of a size six. It's ridiculous. I am a HOT mess right now.
I really know how you feel. Even though I have gotten way too low and I know I need to regain some weight I hate the thought of seeing the scale go up. For so long I was focused on eating less and losing weight and now I have to have a completely different mindset. I have actually gained a few pounds and it seems ok, for now. I haven't gotten rid of my clothes that got too big because I plan on wearing them again. I know I will look healthier after I gain some weight. It is just seeing the scale going up instead of down will be weird. I keep thinking maybe I will just try to maintain at this weight for a while before I try to regain but I hate being this weight. I know I don't look good. I just want to wake up at the right weight without seeing the numbers going up to get there.
The only thing I can think of is if it really does become unbearable is too hide the scale and just no****ch. I will do that if I have to but I hate the idea of not knowing what my body is doing, too. Talk about screwed up.
I wouldn't worry about your metabolism. It may be out of whack a bit but I heard that you can reset your metabolism with exercise. Just like your body adapts to getting too few of calories by holding onto weight, it can also adapt to taking in more calories, it just takes time. Go slowly and don't worry about the numbers. If you are only eating 1100 calories a day I doubt you could have really gained 5 lbs. It takes 3500 extra calories (above what our body needs to survive) to gain a pound. Do you really think it is possible that you have eaten 17,500 extra calories in a week? If you are like me you probably haven't eaten that many calories in the last 2 weeks. It may be water retention. Have you been getting in all your fluids? Sometimes if you don't get enough fluids your body will retain water to make up for it. Is it that time of the month? Try to avoid the scale for a while and see how you feel.
The only thing I can think of is if it really does become unbearable is too hide the scale and just no****ch. I will do that if I have to but I hate the idea of not knowing what my body is doing, too. Talk about screwed up.
I wouldn't worry about your metabolism. It may be out of whack a bit but I heard that you can reset your metabolism with exercise. Just like your body adapts to getting too few of calories by holding onto weight, it can also adapt to taking in more calories, it just takes time. Go slowly and don't worry about the numbers. If you are only eating 1100 calories a day I doubt you could have really gained 5 lbs. It takes 3500 extra calories (above what our body needs to survive) to gain a pound. Do you really think it is possible that you have eaten 17,500 extra calories in a week? If you are like me you probably haven't eaten that many calories in the last 2 weeks. It may be water retention. Have you been getting in all your fluids? Sometimes if you don't get enough fluids your body will retain water to make up for it. Is it that time of the month? Try to avoid the scale for a while and see how you feel.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
I am so sorry you are so stressed. I am sure the vets will be on soon with all kinds of support and info. If you are truly concerned about your metabolism you may want to consider adding chromium piclonate and cinnamon to your vitamin regime. I did this many times pre-op to get my metabolism going , these 2 also help to regulate blood sugar levels. Not sure of the dosage post-op due to malabsorption. Maybe Kelly knows? shes a whiz on these things.
I am with lady taz i dont think you could have possibly consumed enough calories to truly have gained that much weight in a week. You have to be holding fluid or other "stuff". Hang in there hun, you have done great, and you are vigilant. You will figure this out and be ok.
Hugs and love to you!!!
I am with lady taz i dont think you could have possibly consumed enough calories to truly have gained that much weight in a week. You have to be holding fluid or other "stuff". Hang in there hun, you have done great, and you are vigilant. You will figure this out and be ok.
Hugs and love to you!!!
I'm not an expert, and I am still trying to lose, but I agree with the others. I don't think you ate enough to gain 5lbs. Have you been stressed? Is Aunt Flo on her way? Did you eat something (or a few things) salty? Are you getting in enough fluids?
I was 169 yesterday (all time low!) and 171 this morning because of eating way too much 'bad' stuff yesterday (pizza and pasta) and not getting in enough fluids. I have noticed too many carbs+ not enough water, makes me super bloated. To the point my little belly actually pokes out (only noticeable to me) with a 'food baby'. Do you think something similar could be going on with you?
I was 169 yesterday (all time low!) and 171 this morning because of eating way too much 'bad' stuff yesterday (pizza and pasta) and not getting in enough fluids. I have noticed too many carbs+ not enough water, makes me super bloated. To the point my little belly actually pokes out (only noticeable to me) with a 'food baby'. Do you think something similar could be going on with you?
Dont forget your TOM may be affecting your body and mind too A little extra salt intake.. I hardly believe you actually gained any "real" weight.. You're still in the 140's..can you cut yourself some slack and say as long as I stay in the 140's I am okay? Thats what I say to myself.. as long as I am in the 170's I dont get too crazy either way..
I dont think you can "kill" your metabolism if you are eating and exercising.. no offense to non-exercisers.. but as long as you actually eat breakfast and exercise at least a few times a week.. I think you are OKAY!!
Treat yourself with kindness.. I say treat yourself to a soak in warm bath with candles.. soft music.. tonight.. and go to bed early.. that always is a "free" treat..
Michelle
I dont think you can "kill" your metabolism if you are eating and exercising.. no offense to non-exercisers.. but as long as you actually eat breakfast and exercise at least a few times a week.. I think you are OKAY!!
Treat yourself with kindness.. I say treat yourself to a soak in warm bath with candles.. soft music.. tonight.. and go to bed early.. that always is a "free" treat..
Michelle
OMGosh, I feel like I know what you are talking about. I lost all my weight in the first 7-8 months and have literally been at that same weight since. I started out at 254 and got down to 144 and have pretty much been there the whole time. I once was 138, but usually gain and lose the same three pounds over and over again every week, so between 144-147. Anyway, all of a sudden the last couple weeks I've been bloated and my belly looks like it has a food baby in there too! Today I weighed in at 151! I almost cried. My husband assures me that I look just the same, but my clothes all feel tighter and I'm scared. I know it should be an easy fix, I'd really like to get down to about 135 and stay there. I'm 5 feet 6 inches tall. I exercise about 5 days a week doing cardio and weight training, I've upped my water intake, but my food habits are the same, I usually get a pretty decent amount of protein in too. I really don't eat much crap at all. I gotta get back to where I was at least. It's so frustrating.
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