****tails time postponed... friend driving me NUTS

  I have always been a social drinker, my docs office says no alcohol until I reach goal, then VERY small amounts, if at all!  My problem is I don't really miss the ****tails, but my best friend has hounded me since before surgery about drinking,  I'll bet she has asked me 25 times  when I can drink!  I keep telling her it will be a while, explaining to her transfer addiction, empty calories, and finally pure fear of how it will affect me!  It is like she doesn't think we can still hang out if I don't have a beer/****tail in my hand.  I also have told her-over and over, that it does NOT bother me not being able to drink...it is like she is obsessed with it. We are coming up on college basketball season, where we normally get together and have a few drinks, and I am not willing to risk my weight loss/health just to have a drink... I still am planning on watching the games and having just as much fun as before:)  I am not sure what else I can tell her, at this point it is getting on my nerves!

BTW... she also asks me every time I visit if I want a cookie, bowl of chips, potato soup, beer etc... I have told her over and over what I can and cannot have... even offered to let her borrow my "RNY owners manual" to take a look at... she doesn't want to.  argh

 I just say "No thank you, I'm fine". Eventually the quesitons drop off.

Let me start by saying that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you choose to drink/not drink ...

I have found that the more you try to explain your choices to people,  the more likely they are to consider it a conversation - as in they get an opinion.   A simple "No, thanks" will shut it right down - but you can't then expect her to listen interestedly when you go on and on about your weight loss, stuck chicken or latest stall!!!!!

You are doing right. She doesn't understand because she doesn't have to walk your walk. Keep it up. You are doing great.

 When it comes to close friends, I'd probably turn it on them when they can't seem to get it, like "What? You can't drink without me? What's wrong with YOU that you need a drinking buddy?" but for people I'm not so close to, I don't owe them any explaination other than the most cursory.

 I guess that is the frustrating part... we are very close.  I chose not to talk a lot about my surgery, but she has asked me so many questions, some days I feel like i  am being questioned by the police:).  The annoying part is she asks me 20 questions but doesn't listen to the response.  Which tells me she asks because she thinks she should... but really doesn't give a damn, because it doesn't have an impact on her life.  If she would just listen to the answers of her questions I wouldn't get so annoyed:)  So I guess I'll just start saying No thanks over and over again.  I know how I am though, eventually I am going to snap back with a smart ass response... oh well 

If she's really a close friend, I would call her out on it.

Ask her why she is so intent on sabotaging you. Doesn't she want you to be healthy? What's the real issue here? "Am I only good as your fat friend?"

See what she says to that.

I would probably tell her very bluntly to stop it.  I'm usually in favor of being direct.  I'd say something like, "Please do not offer me alcohol or snack food anymore.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  I want you to stop doing that."  You might have to say it a few times, but that usually works.

I would politely suggest that you have a heart to heart and ask her why it is so important to her that you have alcohol?  I would also ask about the snacks.  I would tell her to make it easy on her that you are required for life to stick to a quality high protein/ low carb, sugar, fat diet to be healthy for the rest of your life.

Perhaps she has some issue with food or alcohol that she is transferring on to you?  Or, perhaps on some subconscious level she is envious of your success?

As a last resort, since it doesn't seems like you don't want to end the friendship, I would tell her how much it hurts your feelings that she continues to push the envelope with things that she knows are off limits to you.  If you haven't already told her, I would educate her on more than the transfer addiction.  I would also inform her that you are legally drunk after just a few SIPS, not a few glasses of liquor and don't want to risk a DUI and killing someone else or youself.  But, most of all because the alcohol goes straight to your liver you don't want to risk Cirrhosis and dying after all you have gone through to get healthy.

If she can't get with the program after your heart to heart, as painful as it might be, perhaps she  isn't the friend you thought she was and it might be time to end your friendship. 

Right now it sounds to me like she's treating you more like a "frenemy".  Unfortunately, sometimes there are changes after weightloss surgery that we don't forsee.  This could possibly be one of them.

I hope your friend sees the light and comes around and supports you.  Just remember you always have us.

Paula