2 Year Anniversary -- LONG w/ pics
Two years ago today I walked into Ingham Regional Medical Center in Lansing ready to take a huge step towards getting healthy. By my side -- my soon to be ex mother-in-law. That didn't matter to either of us.. she had been by my side for the past 5 years as my mother.
She was by my side the night I was called and told to fly home to WA because my mom was fading fast. We drank port that night as I cried, and the next morning I boarded a plan and flew from Lansing to Seattle with my oldest son. We made it to the hospital that Sunday night to see my mother sleeping. Her skin was hot.. she was burning up. She laid there in that hospital bed and all I could think of was I wanted her to have peace. Both of her lower legs amputated, she had been struggling with her complications from diabetes for several years. The prior year I was home to visit her when she was ill -- I'll never forget her looking me straight in the eyes and saying "I've had something happen to me, and I've been sick, and you look really familiar to me, but I don't remember who you are." It broke my heart so bad and I wish I could have held it together better that night. My sister and I sat with my mom the night she was dying. We left the hospital around midnight or so, and the next morning my sister told me she had passed. I don't think I cried then. I knew it was coming and there was relief. I miss my mother terribly. I don't want my children having to go through losing a parent as young as I was.
A little over a year later, I received another call that my father's condition was dwindling. He had been fighting leukemia for just over a year. We had just learned about it 2 weeks before my mom passed. I made a snap decision -- loaded my two boys in the car, called work, called their school, and started driving. Four days later we were in Washington State not knowing how long we would be there, but I was going to spend time with my father before he died. When I was in middle school or so, my dad underwent vertical gastric banding (stomach stapling). He was successful at first. He was more active I think than he had been maybe since being in the Navy. He became very thin and was running and cycling daily. When I was in high school he suffered a major heart attack -- almost dying in the ambulance. After that he slowly put his weight back on. His leukemia had been kept at bay for almost a year and then he suddenly got very sick. He also had bleeding ulcers and as I look back, knowing what I do now about NSAIDS, I have a suspicion that with his staples, and I know he was taking advil, that I think the ulcers caused him to bleed more than his marrow could keep up with. My sister, sister-in-law and my brother in law held his hand and I sang to him as he took his last breath.
Even though my parents weren't physically with me when I made the decision to have weight loss surgery, they were in spirit. And I learned from both of them. Their lives, their pain.. was not in vain.
I didn't have diabetes, but I wasn't going to let things get that far. I wouldn't let my children watch me have to have legs removed, go into dialisys three days a week, or have to help me in and out of bed into a wheelchair. I saw my father succeed.. and then relapse.. with weight loss surgery. I heard him hacking in the bathroom from getting food stuck many many times. I know regaining is a distinct possibility. And from my father I learned I must be ever-vigilant. They are my angels in heaven watching over me.
And so on December 7th, 2009 I walked into that hospital determined. I wasn't afraid. I was kind of on auto-pilot. I was going to put on a face of bravery and be done with it.
It's so strange to look at that picture. I didn't feel that big. I was 244 that morning -- after losing 14lbs on my 2 week pre-op liquid diet. Looking back at my before pictures.. which encompass my entire life... it feels like I'm looking at a different person. My surgeon's program was called "You... Version 2" They were right. And frankly, at the time I was having surgery I was in the process of figuring out exactly who I was. I had filed for divorce of my husband of 12 years who had been non-existent in mine and my boys' life for around 2 years by this point. I had tried SO HARD to make him happy and I finally realized I had no clue what made ME happy. I had never gone forward with pursuing weight loss surgery prior to this point because he was of the mindset that it was cheating. I could do it on my own. Throughout the entire life of our relationship he was trying to help me, but I developed resentment towards him because of it.
Of course I was always trying. Losing.. gaining.. losing.. gaining. I was a member of TOPS, did the Atkins diet, e-Diets, read Oprah's book, Dr. Phil's book and joined Weigh****chers. The latter was the most successful and I managed to lose around 70 lbs. Only to gain it all back as I played single-mom in a city with no family to rely on.
These are a few representative photos of me throughout my 20's and early 30's
And finally -- at my lowest from Weigh****chers -- as I was riding a 330 mile 5-day cycling tour.
At 210 lbs I was strong and athletic. I knew I could do anything I put my mind to. And yet within a year I was gaining weight again. If I was focused and life wasn't throwing me too many curve balls I could lose or maintain. But when things got really hard, I shut down. I turned to food, and I stopped exercising.
There are many out there that criticize us for turning to surgery. If we can just WORK HARD and have WILL POWER we should be able to lose weight. I recognized that I can't be that dedicated 100% of the time. I needed a TOOL to keep me accountable when I WASN'T STRONG. That tool for me, was RNY Gastric Bypass surgery. I lost both of my parents, and both were morbidly obese. I couldn't waste another day to obesity.
In the last two years I have been transformed physically, mentally and emotionally. Right before my surgery I met my husband on e-Harmony. He has been by my side throughout this whole process.
Two years ago today he was fretting if I was ok because I didn't have my cell phone when I woke up in my room and couldn't text him that I was fine. Today -- he makes sure my vitamin organizer is filled every week, and shoo's the kids out of our room as I work out on my elliptical. And he doesn't criticize me when I am weak and admit to him the times I've eaten in secrecy -- because yes, I still have issues with food that I battle.
When I had this surgery I thought I could be done with worrying about food. I thought I could just be care-free. Quite frankly, its taken me nearly this two years to figure out that's never going to happen. I have accepted that I must stay diligent to maintain my weight, and even at 2 years out I recognize I can be fitter. I can be stronger. I'm not done yet. And you know what else I realized? That's NORMAL. "Normal" people have to watch their weight. "Normal" people can't indulge in whatever they want and stay healthy.
My first year post op I lost 70% of my excess weight. My second year post op I came to grips mentally with accepting myself. I am SO PROUD of where I am now. I feel successful this year, and I feel strong with the knowledge that it is IN MY POWER, and MY POWER ALONE, to maintain this weight loss and continue to become a fitter woman.
And I fully intend on being as healthy as I can be for these marvelous kids:
She was by my side the night I was called and told to fly home to WA because my mom was fading fast. We drank port that night as I cried, and the next morning I boarded a plan and flew from Lansing to Seattle with my oldest son. We made it to the hospital that Sunday night to see my mother sleeping. Her skin was hot.. she was burning up. She laid there in that hospital bed and all I could think of was I wanted her to have peace. Both of her lower legs amputated, she had been struggling with her complications from diabetes for several years. The prior year I was home to visit her when she was ill -- I'll never forget her looking me straight in the eyes and saying "I've had something happen to me, and I've been sick, and you look really familiar to me, but I don't remember who you are." It broke my heart so bad and I wish I could have held it together better that night. My sister and I sat with my mom the night she was dying. We left the hospital around midnight or so, and the next morning my sister told me she had passed. I don't think I cried then. I knew it was coming and there was relief. I miss my mother terribly. I don't want my children having to go through losing a parent as young as I was.
A little over a year later, I received another call that my father's condition was dwindling. He had been fighting leukemia for just over a year. We had just learned about it 2 weeks before my mom passed. I made a snap decision -- loaded my two boys in the car, called work, called their school, and started driving. Four days later we were in Washington State not knowing how long we would be there, but I was going to spend time with my father before he died. When I was in middle school or so, my dad underwent vertical gastric banding (stomach stapling). He was successful at first. He was more active I think than he had been maybe since being in the Navy. He became very thin and was running and cycling daily. When I was in high school he suffered a major heart attack -- almost dying in the ambulance. After that he slowly put his weight back on. His leukemia had been kept at bay for almost a year and then he suddenly got very sick. He also had bleeding ulcers and as I look back, knowing what I do now about NSAIDS, I have a suspicion that with his staples, and I know he was taking advil, that I think the ulcers caused him to bleed more than his marrow could keep up with. My sister, sister-in-law and my brother in law held his hand and I sang to him as he took his last breath.
Even though my parents weren't physically with me when I made the decision to have weight loss surgery, they were in spirit. And I learned from both of them. Their lives, their pain.. was not in vain.
I didn't have diabetes, but I wasn't going to let things get that far. I wouldn't let my children watch me have to have legs removed, go into dialisys three days a week, or have to help me in and out of bed into a wheelchair. I saw my father succeed.. and then relapse.. with weight loss surgery. I heard him hacking in the bathroom from getting food stuck many many times. I know regaining is a distinct possibility. And from my father I learned I must be ever-vigilant. They are my angels in heaven watching over me.
And so on December 7th, 2009 I walked into that hospital determined. I wasn't afraid. I was kind of on auto-pilot. I was going to put on a face of bravery and be done with it.
It's so strange to look at that picture. I didn't feel that big. I was 244 that morning -- after losing 14lbs on my 2 week pre-op liquid diet. Looking back at my before pictures.. which encompass my entire life... it feels like I'm looking at a different person. My surgeon's program was called "You... Version 2" They were right. And frankly, at the time I was having surgery I was in the process of figuring out exactly who I was. I had filed for divorce of my husband of 12 years who had been non-existent in mine and my boys' life for around 2 years by this point. I had tried SO HARD to make him happy and I finally realized I had no clue what made ME happy. I had never gone forward with pursuing weight loss surgery prior to this point because he was of the mindset that it was cheating. I could do it on my own. Throughout the entire life of our relationship he was trying to help me, but I developed resentment towards him because of it.
Of course I was always trying. Losing.. gaining.. losing.. gaining. I was a member of TOPS, did the Atkins diet, e-Diets, read Oprah's book, Dr. Phil's book and joined Weigh****chers. The latter was the most successful and I managed to lose around 70 lbs. Only to gain it all back as I played single-mom in a city with no family to rely on.
These are a few representative photos of me throughout my 20's and early 30's
And finally -- at my lowest from Weigh****chers -- as I was riding a 330 mile 5-day cycling tour.
At 210 lbs I was strong and athletic. I knew I could do anything I put my mind to. And yet within a year I was gaining weight again. If I was focused and life wasn't throwing me too many curve balls I could lose or maintain. But when things got really hard, I shut down. I turned to food, and I stopped exercising.
There are many out there that criticize us for turning to surgery. If we can just WORK HARD and have WILL POWER we should be able to lose weight. I recognized that I can't be that dedicated 100% of the time. I needed a TOOL to keep me accountable when I WASN'T STRONG. That tool for me, was RNY Gastric Bypass surgery. I lost both of my parents, and both were morbidly obese. I couldn't waste another day to obesity.
In the last two years I have been transformed physically, mentally and emotionally. Right before my surgery I met my husband on e-Harmony. He has been by my side throughout this whole process.
Two years ago today he was fretting if I was ok because I didn't have my cell phone when I woke up in my room and couldn't text him that I was fine. Today -- he makes sure my vitamin organizer is filled every week, and shoo's the kids out of our room as I work out on my elliptical. And he doesn't criticize me when I am weak and admit to him the times I've eaten in secrecy -- because yes, I still have issues with food that I battle.When I had this surgery I thought I could be done with worrying about food. I thought I could just be care-free. Quite frankly, its taken me nearly this two years to figure out that's never going to happen. I have accepted that I must stay diligent to maintain my weight, and even at 2 years out I recognize I can be fitter. I can be stronger. I'm not done yet. And you know what else I realized? That's NORMAL. "Normal" people have to watch their weight. "Normal" people can't indulge in whatever they want and stay healthy.
My first year post op I lost 70% of my excess weight. My second year post op I came to grips mentally with accepting myself. I am SO PROUD of where I am now. I feel successful this year, and I feel strong with the knowledge that it is IN MY POWER, and MY POWER ALONE, to maintain this weight loss and continue to become a fitter woman.
And I fully intend on being as healthy as I can be for these marvelous kids:
Francis -- congrats to you on your 2nd surgiversary and on your SUCCESS ! ! Only those who have traveled this road, know how truly hard this really is. Sure the weight came off, but it's a battle to keep it off!
Reading your post, shows what a strong person you are!
Bonnie
Reading your post, shows what a strong person you are!
Bonnie
HW 315 / SW 299 / CW 186.2 GW 140 - 155
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