OT- rambling and depressed

I have struggled with the same things you describe. It is very hard to see beyond the moment. Are you exercising regularly? This can really help fights the blues. I liked your idea of fostering, I know my kids kept me moving and I know providing for their needs helped me with mine. I am at a transitional time in my life, kids grown and no job (lost it when I had surgery). I know how you feel. I will be praying for you that God will show you what you need to do and change to have His peace in your life. I would be lost without Him!

I am totally supportive and have been there myself... sometimes things just feel bad and if we're doing all we can to help it, then perhaps just accept it, feel bad and get on with it. I have been through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and it changed my life. Now I'm in the driver's seat, not my emotions. It might be worth the effort to look into. Last week I had a dip in my mood and had to think hard to realize even "normal" people have bad days and it's okay. I can't work either and my volunteer record is spotty at best, but I have found ways to keep busy and sometimes I take a nap. Rationally, you know your life isn't so bad it just feels bad "right now" and that's something you have control over to change. I strongly suggest you look into DBT. You are smart and I think it would make sense to you. Good luck and hang in there!

Over the last couple of days, I've been experiencing greater levels of depression than I normally experience.  It has virtually crippled my ability to work on anything but the most immediate of issues.  I read about the solar storms, and so I wondered if maybe the two weren't connected, since I tend not to experience this type of depression normally.  It turns out that there are published studies that suggest that solar storms do worsen depression.   That does not suggest to me that my depression isn't real.  It does suggest that I should wait a few days before I make any decisions based upon my depression.  

Here's the thing with me.... when I'm in the throes of depression, I tend to forget when I last felt good.  It might have only been four or five days ago, but it will seem like months and months.  

I don't know how depression works with anyone else.  For me, there's always a cloud, and I'm always a little anxious.  But mostly, I can work and play and enjoy life as long as I keep some balance, and take my medication on a regular basis.   So, when things change, I need to take a step back and make sure that I understand what's going on.  Then, I start working on the little things, and move to the big ones.  

 kelly,

i' m the same way, and i know i will never be content. when i was in undergrad i kept myself working as much as possible so i could mask being lonely. if i wasn't at work or school, 90% of the time you could find me in bed or on the couch watching tv. the other 10% i was going for a walk and/or shopping, spending money  i shouldn't. when i graduated i moved back home and started working. i had a ton of friends and went out all the time (probably 3+ days a week), i was hardly home but was drinking pretty frequently and quite heavily (probably spending 1/4 of my paycheck every week on alcohol). i should have been happy (even though i was working a dead end job), i had a great group of friends that i did everything with (including work), but was still missing something. i decided getting my masters and moving away would help me be happier, so now here i am. can't find a job and have officially depleted my bank account, made some good friends i go out with once in awhile, am in a program at school that i love and should theoretically be happy. i know i should be out using the networking and experiences that manhattan has to offer me, but most of the time i would rather be home sleeping and watching tv. on my days off from school it takes so much for me to do so much as the laundry. it's awful but i feel like no matter what it will keep getting me. 

reading this all written out in the timeline it really seems like when i was in chicago and now i was/am in a depressive state and while i was living at home i was manic...