I screwed up.

Big time.

I'm 2.5 months out. I've been pretty religious with diet and exercise. On the advice of this board I increased my calories to between 500-600 a day, getting 60-70g of protein. I take an hour-long aerobics class twice a week and hit the gym three times a week. So far I've lost 52 pounds.

And then...today happened.

The first part of the day was business as usual. For breakfast I had a 0% mango  Chobani; for lunch, 8 slices of Oscar Meyer chicken breast on half a Flat-Out. 

It's my friend's birthday. Another friend and I drove her 50 minutes to the nearest Chipotle (her favorite restaurant). Here's where things begin to go downhill. Instead of ordering one hard-shell chicken taco like I'd planned, I opt to add a second steak taco. Okay, not a disaster (they're pretty small), but NOT the best choice. My eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach.

Then we return to my dorm room, where a surprise birthday party for aforementioned friend lies in wait. It's a fantastic good time. And...I drink a Woodchuck. And then another Woodchuck.

400 calories. 42 carbs. 42 grams of sugar.

What was I thinking.

Actually, I know EXACTLY what I was thinking. I was thinking that the scale has barely moved in two weeks. I was thinking of all the hours I spent at the gym, all the time spent meticulously counting every calorie, only to see that f#$%ing number not budge an ounce. I was thinking that I was exhausted. I was thinking that I wanted to drink with my friends like a normal college student. I even managed to convince myself for a few hours that I AM a normal college student, not a bariatric patient struggling with a food addiction.

And, of course, there was food at this party. Pita chips. My old enemy. The second everyone leaves I pounce on the bag and munch my way into oblivion.

I've tallied up the damage on MyFitnessPal. It's bad. And I couldn't even bring myself to add the pita chips. I've already rung in at 1,067 calories, the most I've eaten by at least 200 calories since my surgery. I'm ashamed and in pain. I'm only 2 months out. For the love of god, how can I EAT this much at 2 months out??

Even though I know the vets will roll their eyes, I am terrified that I've stretched/popped/ruined my pouch. Impossible? Maybe. But it doesn't feel that way.

It's funny -- I never seem to write posts about my good days. And really, they have by and large been all good days since I got back to college. I'm thriving. In so many ways I'm loving post-RNY life. But it's so hard. It's so goddamn hard, every goddamn day. I feel like I can't win. And today I feel like I lost.

YOU DIDNT SCREW UP, i think one of the mistakes that we make as bariatric patients is that we think we can never eat something "normal" or something super tasty.. thats were the problem lies... are you going to do this everyday???? of course not.. why are you being so hard on yourself?? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FAIL BECAUSE YOU EAT MORE THEN 1000 CALORIES ONE DAY...some of us eat between 800-1000 a day.. i know i do.. maybe thats why im a slow looser i only lose around 2-3lbs a week..but you know what for me thats ok..im learning to eat healthier and i do ocassionally have a treat... its ok to have a treat once a week.. because if you dont then there are going to be lots of days like today in the future when you get to the point and say "I WANT TO EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON" and then over eat....plan a treat once a week.. if its planned then you wont feel so horrible and like a failure... YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE  YOUR A NORMAL PERSON WHO HAD SOME CRAVINGS BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN DEPRIVING YOURSELF FOR A WHILE.. just dont do it again..."normal" people have cravings.. everyone has cravings.. you didnt lose... TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY AND A NEW BEGINING.....and i completely and totally advice you to plan a treat in your menu once a week.. it helps you with the cravings and to stop your self from feeling deprived!!!

good luck and keep your spirits high and your head up.. you have done a great job so far dont let one "mistake"make you depress, because if you do THEN you really have a problem.. im an emotional eater so i know that when i feel depress i eat like crazy...

 "maybe thats why im a slow looser i only lose around 2-3lbs a week"

I just don't understand this statement.  No offense, but 2-3lbs a week is NOT slow losing.  I don't understand why so many of us have this unrealistic expectation that weight loss under 5lbs a week is slow.

JEN,

your right, is not slow.. before the surgery i would have never lost 2-3lbs a week more like 1/2lb.. but i guess im just comparing myself to other who had the surgery around the same week i did and im loosing much slower then them.. but hey, the good thing is that im loosing and i really should stop comparing my self and the way my body works with others... thank for the reminder!

monica

First of all, you CAN win! Secondly, your race is nearly halfway over!  Pick yourself up, pull yourself together. Find a damned good therapist, try to get some cognitive behavioral therapy (if you aren't already in therapy). What use is it to beat yourself up? Get a good cry out, and get on with it tomorrow!

Maybe you will feel more "normal" if you planned your social outtings into your eating plan. For example, if you know you have a party to attend, and you "might" not eat as you are supposed to, try and eat lighter earlier in the day. Now this is not to say that  you should throw all caution to the wind come party-time, but at least you will only have to monitor your eating for that "event" opposed to going back and recalculating what you ate for the entire day. 

My weightloss is "turtle" and "snail" slow, and I've hit 1 major stall, and one semi-stall. Frustrating, I know, but at least you are at the halfway point.  

I know that some people say that it's very hard to stretch your pouch, my surgeon says that you CAN stretch your pouch out if you continue to overeat, so I really don't know about that. I know that I've attended 2 bariatric clinics at  2 totally different programs (I chickened out the first go round) and both programs said that if you overeat you can stretch your pouch. I would try not to let this make me fearful, but I would keep it in mind.

Best wishes!

I don't think anyone is saying you can't stretch your pouch.  At least, I've never seen anyone post that here.  People say it is hard to stretch the pouch, which is true.  Does your surgeon say it's really easy to stretch it? That overeating a little bit one or two times will stretch it?  I hope that's not what he says, because that's not true.

The pouch is made from the least stretchy part of the stomach.  And it is actually supposed to stretch a little bit as time goes on.  That's why at one year out, you should be able to eat a cup of food, much more than you could eat at one week out.  But to stretch it more than it's supposed to stretch, you would need to eat much too much repeatedly.

It can be stretched.  It's just not real easy to do it.

 Kelly, scoll back an read what I said, I said that both surgeons from different clicks stated that you can stretch your pouch "if you continue to overeat". No one ever told me that if you over eat a couple of time, you are "done in for", so that's not what I typed. 

But in both clinics I attended, we spent almost the entire session on how the pouch can and will stretch if you overeat often enough.  Sounds like the OP had one episode of overeating which I don't believe has stretched her pouch, because mine would be stretched by now if that's the case.. My intention was not to tell her that she has overstretched her pouch, but rather to agree with her concerns that it can be done if one "continues to overeat".

Perhaps I misunderstood you.  When you said "People say that it's hard to stretch your pouch but my surgeon says you can stretch it" I guess it sounded to me like you were saying your surgeon said it was easy to stretch it.  It sounded like you were saying your surgeon does not agree with people that say it's hard to stretch it.

When I've seen people say that it's hard to stretch the pouch, I've also seen them say that you can stretch it if you overeat often enough.  So I think those people agree with your surgeon.

So tell me about a couple NSVs you've had so far.  With all you've been doing I bet there's been more than a few at 2 months to date.

I bet you've some great positives to share. I'd like to hear them. Please.


Tamie

Well, vim and vinegar, all is NOT lost!  No, I have not had my surgery yet, however, I have been seeing the surgeon for 11 months now and his comment about WLS is always "the stomach is fixed but the head is not!".  Then, my PCP who had her VSG 16 months ago told me that the struggle is "more psychological and emotional than physical".  I'm writing this post to let you know that you are not alone and are in good company!

Many of us have gained weight because we are emotional eaters who don't deal with the head hunger and/or our emotions.  What we have done is to make eating our social backbone - and it's SO acceptable.  Eating brings people together and it's a major part of our social network and our need for acceptance.  Your overeating is a learned behavior that can be unlearned!  Don't be so hard on yourself !  But, you do need someone you can reach out to for immediate support, a good WLS counselor and a great WLS support group.  Yes, you can do this by yourself, however, it is not always the best or easiest way to talk yourself down from the edge (food).

So, take stock of what you have accomplished, pull up your little girl panties and go kick some exercise butt!  The battle begins anew - and so do YOU!  Please post how you are doing so we can keep our eyes on you - LOL!    ~Vicki