Did I overreact to boyfriend's stupid drinking behavior?

3. Law of Cause and Effect

The third universal truth explained by the Buddha is that there is continuous changes due to the law of cause and effect. This is the same law of cause and effect found in every modern science textbook. In this way, science and Buddhism are alike.

The law of cause and effect is known as karma. Nothing ever happens to us unless we deserves it. We receive exactly what we earn, whether it is good or bad. We are the way we are now due to the things we have done in the past. Our thoughts and actions determine the kind of life we can have. If we do good things, in the future good things will happen to us. If we do bad things, in the future bad things will happen to us. Every moment we create new karma by what we say, do, and think. If we understand this, we do not need to fear karma. It becomes our friend. It teaches us to create a bright future.
The Buddha said,

"The kind of seed sown
will produce that kind of fruit.
Those who do good will reap good results.
Those who do evil will reap evil results.
If you carefully plant a good seed,
You will joyfully gather good fruit."
Dhammapada

I'm not getting your point. Are you saying that it was his Karma that caused her reaction? Or is this a dig at me bc Buddha is my avi and obviously I believe in the principles. That doesn't mean I am not going to answer a question truthfully. She asked for opinions, her subject line did not say "Please everyone validate me and tell me I am right."

Now, now, break it up, you two. You're two of my favorite people here, and I know you're both on the same page with your values and heart.

lol Anne!  (hug)

(hug) back atcha!!!

I don't think the definition of whether a person has an issue with alcohol depends on how much they drink over a month or a week. It may be a factor to consider but it's not everything. Even more important is why they need to drink, and the kind of person they are when they drink. He drank to relieve stress which is a red flag to me - it's healthier to take a bath or talk to a friend or exercise to relieve stress than it is to turn to food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. Also, his personality changes when he drinks, and he goes from being a sweet man to a rambling asshole. That's a deal breaker for me  whether he meets the definition of someone with an issue with alcohol or not. I can't love a man who is a drunk, and I won't. It's that simple.. And I felt this way before WLS and my WLS has nothing to do with it.

 I am involved with Al-Anon which is an organization for the family members of those who have been affected by the abuse of alcohol.  The first thing that I was taught are the three C's.  I did not cause, cannot cure, and cannot control another person's behavior.

In looking back you may realize that you still love the person, but do not love the person's behavior.  You can detach from his behavior while still lovng him.  It is very important to your health that you set boundries.  It sounds like you let him know how you feel and that you are not the type of woman that will endure his unacceptable behavior just to have a man in your life.

It is also possible he just does not remember how he acts when he has too much to drink.  Years ago I tape recorded my husband during a stupid drinking episode.  He was very embarrassed when I played the tape for him a few days later.  He said he did not know that he talked and sounded so ignorant while under the influence.

Thanks, White Dove. I agree with you but am wondering what detaching myself from his behavior would look like. I tried doing that when I told him he was being obnoxious and to please stop and when I said I had enough and went to bed. Unfortunately he didn't stop being obnoxious and followed me into bed. I really wanted him to just leave me alone. You're absolutely right that I won't endure his unacceptable behavior just to have a man. I raised my now-16 year old daughter by myself for 13 years and didn't date that entire time. I was perfectly happy alone and could go back to being alone in a day. Brian needs to understand this. He can sit and get drunk but he can leave me out of it and be quiet. I don't think that's too much to ask.

You're getting your head back! Yay!

Never, ever argue with a drunk. Save your breath. Now, THAT is the time for the silent treatment!

Actually its the 4 C's I cannot change, control, cause, cure sorry I just had to jump in here White Dove now my answer to the original poster is first you sound frustrated that YOU cannot drink and he drinks to release his crappy week which sorry I do not approve of drinking but that's my opinion and I am ENTITLED to it.  The actual complaint I am seeing is his behavior changes and that happens when people do alcohol or drugs so its a combination of she can't drink and he does and turns into an unlikeable person so as Dear Abby questions and I will as well are you better off with him or without him ?  If it were me I would have the answer but that's me.  I think your choice of words are wrong when you say I don't love you when you are like this mine would be I don't appreciate your behavior I feel you are out of line and hey wait a second did I read that there should be "unconditional love"? somewhere here?  Yeah OK I want to know *****ally believes love is unconditional?  And Chris, Buddhism hey not anything to be offended by everyone has the right to their religion and beliefs . Also want to mention that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I also begin to wonder what effect this has on your child to see this? Just something to think about.