Rant #340983098 (new an improved.. now with Self Loathing added!!)

   At what point in my life did I get so shallow that I actually thought I would suddenly be a fairy princess/super model with no problems if I lost weight?  
  I wanted to lose weight more than anything.  Well, mission accomplished.  I am thin now.  I can see it (although that took a while).. but, I am SO MUCH less satisfied with my self image now than I was when I was big.  Did any of you ever read Flowers for Algernon?  It's like that.  I had no idea I was as large as I was, and I had days when I felt pretty damn sexy.  That doesn't happen anymore. I can find more clothes that fit, but they all look like cloth draped over a stick.  I have no curves that would indicate that I am, indeed, a woman.  
  I am healthier, and for that I am grateful.  As far as my looks go, though... I am less likely to look in a mirror now.  My wrinkles are more obvious now (yeah.. looking 40 when you ARE 40 shouldn't be an issue, but putting on eyeliner over wrinkles sucks.  >.

Unfortunately, a lot of people (both those who have WLS and those who do not) think that their weight is the source of many -- and sometimes all -- of their problems.  I suspect that some of it comes from society/media so persistently portraying skinny people as blithely happy.  Equally as unfortunately, it seems that a lot of people find that the body they get after they lose weight is, for one reason or another, NOT what they envisioned.  That can be very disheartening.

Even though i started at an extremely unattractive 330+ pounds, I was damn near suicidal (yes, seriously) before I had my panniculectomy and mons lift because I looked like a freak and -- after losing so much weight -- still had to wear baggy pants and tunic length shirts to hide the seriously sagging belly and what looked like a significantly sized man's "package".  Although I felt much better after having those things (and my arms) surgically addressed, I still don't much like the way I look naked (even if I ignore my hideous thighs) because I don't look like someone who never had a weight problem (although some people are fortunate enough that they DO look that way after WLS and PS)... I look like someone who had a weight problem and then had plastic surgery to make her body bearable.

It is just as much a process learning to accept your new body as it was to begin seeing your new body.

Lora

Body image doesn't change just because your body does.  And weightloss doesn't bring one happiness.  Sucks hey, no magic here.  Ohhhhhh, but to be 40 again, just a dream!  I was much firmer and didn't gain weight until 42. 

 I just realized that it cut off the rest of my rant, which is just as well as it was all pretty much just mental vomit, anyway.  

  Thank you for your replies.  I just need to kick myself in the butt, pull up my big girl panties and get over it. 

To me , you look beautiful  and curvy in your swimsuit .  Bravo !  You've done a wonderful job  working Ur tool ... and i apprecviate Ur honesty about Ur feelings.

I  thinkpost op emotions are a mixed bag .  We are either elated  or  frustrated ... we can be angry at ourselves or the people around us .. maybe we don't like the lives we " settled " for happily  before our operations.. ...

Sometimes I  think we're just HUNGRY  Lol

Bodies dramatically adjust with time

Few people who look as great as you  starting out end up looking anything less  than spectacular  a few years post when the weight redistributes ( and YES  I got my boobies  , facial fat etc back ) .  I think you can be safely reassured  you will look WAY less than your  chronological age .

Hang in there !  And  dont forget to squirrel away for  possible PS  for the few  problem areas  that might  really bother U in a few years .  Its amazing what  that can do too  .  Ure WORTH  it !

 Good gravy.. my weight is going to redistribute?  How long does that take?  It's already been almost two years.  
  Thank you, B****hat was sweet.  Keep in mind, though, that we take like 25 pictures before we find ONE I like enough to post.  So, I am not sure that my pictures are an accurate portrayal.

  

 Not everyone experiences the "redistribution".   Most people I know IRL did not and I certainly did not.  I do think my face looks better than it did at 2 years out, though... It looks less haggard and more healthy.

Lora

 I haven't met goal yet, but I have noticed the wrinkles! I will be 60 in May, when I was heavier the skin was pretty smooth! I wish I'd had the courage to have had my WLS years ago!

Push-up underwire bras can be a girls best friend. :) 

I don't know how I'll look this time when I lose the weight I want to lose.  Last time I remember loving my body, but I was 24 and 260 lbs, got down to 175 and a size 10 by 25, kept it off for two years then re-gained it and then some in a year and a half.  

I do plan on saving up for plastic surgery.  I don't know if that's an option for you.