When people tell me they are proud of me...

Maybe I'm just weird, but when people tell me they are proud of me for having the surgery I feel like I don't deserve it.  I let myself get this big & now I'm doing whats good for my health.  Is that something to really be proud of? I let it get so out of control that I had to turn to surgery to gain some control in my weight loss.  Even my husband says he is proud of me & him saying anything like that is rare.  He may  think things like that, but he is never really verbal about it.  I've never been one to take compliments well either.  I guess I just don't like the attention being on me.  I would rather make someone else happy & not myself.  I dunno, maybe I just have issues. Lol I guess this is something that I needed to get off my chest. Being new to this forum, I do feel I can talk about anything that comes to mind & really talking about issues we might have is part of the process too.  Anyone else have these same issues?

I sorta understand where you are coming from - about letting yourself get big.  However, people (especially your husband) ARE proud of you for getting your act together and doing something about it.  Take that compliment.  Accept it.  Move on with your journey, doing your best to be healthy.  You're going to do great!!!!  And yes, I am proud of you too!!  

Boy do I understand.  To this day...it is extremely hard for me to receive a compliment.  If someone says...."You look nice in that dress..."  I'll say,  "Thank you, BUT"...and then I'll find fault somewhere.  My sister pointed this out to me years ago, and I have to mentally brace myself for compliments.

My gynecologist, who wrote a letter to my insurance company when I was pre op to help in the approval process, congratulated me and told me how brave I was and what I great thing I was doing for myself.  I felt so odd.  Like you, I thought, "But look how big I got."  I think for some this is perfectly normal - especially if we did not receive many compliments pre op.

For me, it depends on who is saying it.  When my mother says it she means she's proud of me. When my MIL says it it means, "You FINALLY listened to me! I'm so proud that you finally came to your senses and started losing weight!"

I'd really rather not hear it. 

Thanks for the responses & kind words.  I am proud of myself & I do wish for others to be proud of me as well, just hearing it kinda weirds me out.  Not used to hearing it I guess.  So I guess I need to get used to the compliments & such. 

I TOTALLY understand what you are saying! I almost think that they are making fun of me at times, even though I know its an honest statement. I don't take compliments well, I don't like draing attention to myself. I think we all feel this way a bit since we obviously all have some "issues" that allowed us to get so "big" in the first place. I am still embaressed by people who comment on how great I am looking, many mixed emotions on that one! Other than the "easy" solution of losing weight, this whole process is very hard! I know it is well worth it and I am still in the new stage but it is difficult to go through all the mind issues that we do, and develop our new lives!
Keep up the good work and be proud of yourself for taking control of yourself!

For me it depends who says it. I had an ex boyfriend who hadn't seen me in a while come up to me and say "wow! I didn't even recognize you! You look amazing!" all the while he kept scoping me out. He was a creep before and he's still a creep. That was uncomfortable. But I've had friends say how proud they are of me and it's genuine. I feel fine and just say thanks. I also had a mom, from where I work, say, "you look great! I'm glad you took care of all that..." and then she realized what she said and apologized and tried to make it better by complimenting me on other stuff. That was the most uncomfortable. My face must've showed it too, cause she looked embarrassed as well.

I get that same feeling.

Part of the reason I haven't told a lot of people is because I don't want the attention. I don't want judgment, sure, but I also don't want the kudos. I don't want the "I'm so proud of yous!" and the "You're doing so great!"s. Because they make me feel really superficial. It feels like there's a secret message under there--I'm proud of you...because you're FINALLY doing something about your problem.

I know this was a long time coming. I should have done it a while ago. And this is a long-haul solution for me. I did NOT undergo this surgery and get my organs severed and rearranged so I could diet off 60lbs and then gain it all back when pie and chili weather rolls around. And I get stuck feeling that all my well-wishers assume that's what's going to happen, because it's what always happened before.

So instead, I'd rather just fly under the radar, do what I gotta do, and get back on track with my health and my life. I'm doing this for me, and the results I'm seeing are reward enough without a gang of cheerleaders patting me on the back. It feels phony to me, and I'm not entirely sure why.

I'm also a HUGE advocate for the idea that good deeds should be done in private and with as much anonymity as possible. And this is one heck of a good deed I'm doing for myself. So it feels warm and fuzzy to be my own little secret (for the most part) without a lot of intrusive eyes. I'm doing this for ME. And I want to keep it just for me.

EXACTLY how I feel.

... but you know what?  It IS something to be proud of... you're doing something to address the issue.  No one's perfect, we all have faults and flaws... and some of us have had a harder time stayinh a healthy weight than others.  You've got to cut yourself some slack and stop beating yourself up...

... because you took the step to make things BETTER.  We can only ultimately fail if we stop trying... and instead of giving up, you did what was necessary to make a better life for yourself.  If that's not worthy of respect from people, I don't know WHAT it.

Heck, even I am proud of you and all of us for taking this difficult, lifechanging step!


tori