OT - should I say anything about boyfriend kicking cat off bed?

poet_kelly
on 4/13/12 2:55 am - OH

There are times I've pushed my cats off the bed when they were bothering me or off the couch if I was eating and they were bugging me. But I do it pretty gently. If he did it in a mean way, I would say something, yeah. I am very protective of my cats, of any animals, really. It's absolutely not OK to be abusive to them. If the cats bother him when he sleeps he can keep the bedroom door shut or find some other way to deal with it.

I know I might sound like I'm over reacting too, but I think abusing someone's pets is kind of a way of abusing that person. It's pretty common in relationships where there is domestic violence. I'm not saying your situation is domestic violence, please don't misunderstand. I guess my point is just that I think abusing someone's pet is very serious and yeah, I would address it. I would take it seriously and if it happened again I'd seriously consider kicking the guy out.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

(deactivated member)
on 4/13/12 3:02 am

I understand what you are saying and I agree with you that abusing a person's pets can be a way of abusing them. There's no domestic violence between me and him because he knows I would fight back pretty hard! I agree with the other comments people have made about the importance of sleep especially to a person with insomnia but abusing an animal is not OK and he did it meanly and not gently. I think I will go with the idea of giving him a spray bottle and putting it on his nightstand and saying "I saw you kick Tara this morning. I know it bothers you when she climbs on you when you are trying to sleep so I would prefer it if you would squirt her instead. Thanks." And if he kicks her again, then there will be consequences because then that will be abuse.

We have considered shutting the bedroom door but don't want to do that because the room gets stuffy and my cats are so used to sleeping with me that they will paw at the door all night until I let them in. We have tried that and it doesn't work which is fine because I like my nighttime cat hat on my pillow!

Thanks for the insights!

lesserman
on 4/13/12 2:58 am - Chicago, IL

Nope.

It doesn't matter...animals, especially pets, cannot defend themselves against us...if he'll treat your cat that way, it's only a matter of time before he treats you the same.

Weight at Heaviest: 320 lbs.
Weight at Surgery: 283.6 lbs.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion...

H.A.L.A B.
on 4/13/12 3:03 am

RNY on 05/14/08

If someone would do that to my cat - we would have a major fight. The cat does not know any better - and kicking her is not going to fix the issue. She will be scared to come near next time..
If a guy did that o my cat - his ass would be out the same morning... abuse is an abuse. You need to have a serious talk with him. And if will be defensive and would not feel sorry for his actions - I would really reconsider if you want to be with him.. What - next time he is angry - he may kick you because you got in his way?

There are ways to deal with issues like that.

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

Ladytazz
on 4/13/12 3:10 am

I guess maybe I am cranky this morning because my 4 dogs woke me up this morning before I wanted by playing and running around and anything else they could do to get my attention and I would never think of harming a hair on any of their heads, but I have zero tolerance when it comes to my animals (or any animals) and anyone who would look at them crooked. I would kick his ass out of my bed and make it clear he wasn't coming back.
Taking his frustration out on an innocent animal who was doing nothing more then being an animal is not okay. Never, not even once. It only gets worse, and as the person before me said, next time it may be you.

WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010

High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.

fatfreemama
on 4/13/12 3:13 am - San Jose, CA

RNY on 12/07/09

Was he fully awake and aware when he did it or still half asleep and not really thinking? There's no harm in bringing it up in a non-judgemental way and asking if he meant to kick her off the bed that hard. Maybe he didn't mean it and is sorry or is unaware of how hard he kicked her off. Ask him if he realizes what he did and how you really don't like that. And if he's not sorry, then I've give him the one two.

(deactivated member)
on 4/13/12 3:26 am

Good question! I should have said that he was awake when he did it. I can tell by how he's breathing. He was breathing normally and not snoring and I was fully awake to notice. That's what makes this so hard. If I thought he did it unintentionally or while half asleep I could understand it. I think he was awake and did it anyway! I will talk to him about this but I suspect I will get a defensive answer like "well she was bugging me" without an apology. The more difficult question is whether it's worth breaking up with him about this. I would probably give him a chance to fix and to make a better choice before i dumped him but it sucks that I have to think about it.

(deactivated member)
on 4/13/12 3:21 am

Thanks everyone for the insights. It's interesting to me that there are varying opinions on what to do. I think the best course of action is to wait until he is rested and calm and point out the squirt botte I will put on his night stand in case my cat bothers him in bed again. I wil say I don't know if you meant to kick her that hard but it's not OK and I would prefer that you squirt her in the future instead. If he does it again I need to re-evaluate our relationship because my cats are an extension of me and are part of my family. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. Especially when they are tired or whatever. Tara was just being a cat.

H.A.L.A B.
on 4/13/12 3:58 am

RNY on 05/14/08

Another question - if he is like that to her when you around - how is he treating her when you are not around? or other animals you have? My cat was a stray,, and she is loving and very gentle little kitty. The idea that someone (anyone) would kick her on purpose - is very hard to imagine. (though she gets under my feet a time or 2 and I did step on her or even kicked her - by accident - but I am sure it hurts me more that it did hurt her - at least emotionally... )
We are the caretakers of our animals - if we can't protect them - then that does not makes us look any better than the abuser. What if that was a child? Ho many children are being abused because mother do not want to say anything because "the father was upset, angry, and the child did ____"

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

poet_kelly
on 4/13/12 4:07 am - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I guess it really comes down to this. Was it a mistake? Something he would not normally do and didn't mean to do and regrets doing? Does he realize he did something wrong? Is he willing to do whatever he needs to do in order to make sure it doesn't happen again? If that's the case, and you know he was under stress and really tired, I'd give him another chance. But just one more chance.

If he thinks his behavior was OK and isn't sorry, then I'd say it would be likely he'd do it again, or worse. And I would find that unacceptable.

You're absolutely right, she was just being a cat. Sometimes cats are annoying. They don't think the way people think so it doesn't occur to them not to walk on someone that's sleeping. If it bothers us, it's our responsibility to find a way to deal with that. We can shut the bedroom door (yes, my cats would paw at the door all night and bug me that way, too), use the squirt bottle, whatever else we can come up with, but kicking them is not OK. If cat behavior makes us so mad we want to hurt the cat, we should not have cats.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

OT - should I say anything about boyfriend kicking cat off bed?

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OT - should I say anything about boyfriend kicking cat off bed?