feeling guilty about medical stuff

I have had a ton of medical stuff going on lately.  Last week I had to see my psychiatrist and my PCP, this week I had the back specialist, next week I see the ENT about that wart-like thing on my lip (which my PCP does not think is a wart and thinks  needs to be removed so she referred me to an ENT for it), the following week I see my therapist and have the nerve block done for my back, then I have six weeks of physical therapy to look forward to.

All this stuff is expensive.  The PCP visit was $25, my psychiatrist should be about $30, I don't even know what the back specialist bill will be but let's say at least $50, probably another $50 for the ENT, then $35 for my therapist and who knows how much for the nerve block... last time I had the steroid injections I think it was about $200.  So there is the cost and I feel guilty about that.  It's not like we have that much money.

Then there is the time and the feeling of inconveniencing people.  My partner spent his day off yesterday going with me to the back specialist because I couldn't find it the time I tried to go myself.  He is going to have to take a day off work to take me to get the nerve block done because the doctor doesn't so them on Monday's which is my partner's day off.  So I feel guilty about that.

And there is just this feeling like I should somehow be able to make my back stop hurting.  Don't ask me how.  But I feel guilty.

Anyone else feel like this?

And yeah, I am in therapy.

I can relate. All this crap happening with me, I constantly feel bad or guilty. Even though its nothing that I could help. I hate to have to rely on other people to help me out & its only my husband & 2 kids as we have no family here in Fargo,ND. My husband's family is like 4 1/2 hours away & my family is in NC. My husband told me I shouldn't feel guilty or bad, but I can't help it especially when I'm used to doing everything for everyone. It's a hard thing when things are out of your control.

It's always hard when we have things like this in our lives over which we have little or no control. Do you feel guilty on your own or has your partner said something about it?

Oh, what he says is not to feel guilty about it.

But, like, today he called me on his break at work and I told him when my appointment for the nerve block was and that I was sorry I couldn't do it on his day off, and he said not to worry, he'd just take the day off and it would be fine.  Then I told him what time it was (10 am, and it's about a two hour  drive from where we live) and he said "You couldn't get it a little later in the day?"  So then I felt guilty about him having to get up earlier than he likes as well having to take the day off.

I had a lot of guilt before I started taking Lexapro, which ironically was started by my neurologist for numbness. That guilt made me feel so powerless and increased my stress even more. So no, you're not alone feeling this way. I hope you'll be able to finally get some relief for your chronic back pain.

I don't feel guilty for my health care bills, but I have lots of other guilt.

I feel guilty that I cannot provide more financial assistance to my mother, who is on disability due to a slew of health issues.

I feel guilty that hubs and I cannot help his parents catch up on their back property taxes.

I feel guilty that hubs does not visit and I do not force him to visit his ailing, aging grandparents.

I feel guilty that I sometimes allow my daughter sugary and/or overly carby food.

I feel guity sometimes that hubs is married to me, still obese and probably will always be fighting depression.

As I typed this, it struck me as a little silly. Only some of this is in my control. So I will do what I can and let go of the rest.

I am not making light of you in any way, Kelly. I just realized MY guilt might be a little over the top.

Do what you can with what you can control and let the rough end drag, so to speak.

(hugs)

I am totally aware my guilt is over the top.  I find myself apologizing a lot for things that are not my fault and have nothing to do with me.  And I'll think, "why am I saying I'm sorry for that?"  But pretty much everything in the world feels like my fault sometimes, even when I realize that makes no sense.

Ugh, I relate to the apologizing. I catch myself doing it too. The other day my husband got exasperated and said, "what are you apologizing for? Did you do this? No, okay then" to which I apologized again out of habit. Oy

A long ago friend used to tell me to stop pretending I don't exist. Maybe we should amend that to let's stop pretending we don't deserve to exist.

Boy do I relate.  Since my revision nearly 2 years ago it seems like I was going to the doctors every week.  My boyfriend only has Thursdays off and for a long time it seemed he spent his day off waiting for me at the doctors.  I have seen my surgeon, PCP, neurologist, pain doctor, physical therapy, counselor, psychiatrist, liver doctor, endocrinologist, rheumatologist and an upcoming appointment with the sleep doctor.  I have 67 past appointments since my revision and at least 6 coming up soon.  I have had 3 surgeries.  That doesn't even include the tests like the DexaScans, mamograms, x rays, ct scans, MRIs or blood work.
I am lucky in that I have Medicare and Medicaid so I don't have a co pay.  Most of the time I can get there myself but I have had to ask my boyfriend, kids and neighbors for a ride, which really is hard for me, too.  I have also seen a counselor weekly aside from all those appointments.  And I consider myself fairly healthy, lol.  The funny thing is that before this I would a long time without seeing a doctor, at least until I started getting sick 3 years ago.
I told my boyfriend that part of this is trying to get healthy so that if I am able to go back to work and lose the Medicaid most of my issues will have been resolved.
You are doing what you can to improve your health.  I wouldn't feel guilty about it.  Have you checked to see if you qualify for Medicaid?  I went to Senior and Disabled Services and they pay my Medicare premium and got me on Medicaid, which doesn't pay anything but it makes it so I don't have to pay any deductibles and co pays or I would be truly screwed.

I do qualify for Medicaid, but I have a spend down of something like $650.  That means each month, I have to pay $650 for medical care out of pocket before my Medicaid kicks in.  I hardly ever reach that spend down, only if I have surgery or something like that.

That spend down, by the way, is about half my monthly income.  The state of Ohio thinks it's reasonable for a person to spend half their monthly income on medical care.  Makes no sense to me, but that's how it works.