OT- advice about divorce/child visitation stuff

 As a child of adoption and then adotive parents divorce with a very much abstente  father still to this dad, and someone who works with young children as a teacher. I would say no dad is better. 
This poor kid is probally oging through so many emotions thinking things like I get to go see my dad today and then he doesn't show up, Chance arethe kid is going to feel like dad hates him and doesn't want him. 
On the other hand as a child of judge/lawyer, it has to be up to the courts. Tell her to document EVERYTHING!! Have her meet the dad with the child for visitations in a public area. This may sounds awful and like a trick but maybe not tell the child that dad is going to come visit? So that way if he doesn't show up the child won't feel bad. and if he does show up it's a happy surprise? 

That is exactly what I suggested, not to tell the child when dad says he is coming and just let it be a surprise if he actually shows up.  Dad was supposed to pick the child up at school yesterday and apparently at bedtime the child was still crying because dad never came.

Documenting is an excellent idea and I don't know why I didn't think to tell her to do that.  But I will.

I have 2 daughters who have children and are divorced so here goes
1- get a CDA Certified Document Assistant, hopefully one who knows family law
2- in CA at least there is a waver for filing fees for low income
3- she has already set a president by allowing father to have child KNOWING he has a drug problem. # ONE issue is child's safety, that does not mean dad may not see the child it just means it has to be supervised, the courts will set this up and some churches have this service or child protective services
4- family court has mandatory mediation before a judge sees the issues , he/she usually goes along with the mediator's suggestions, mediation is FREE do NOT pay for it
NOTHING can be inforced unless you have a ruling from a judge she does NOT need an attorney she can do it all with the help of the CDA.
Having a dad is always better than not having one , although years ago it sure would have been easier if they were gone for good!!
Don't tell child , daddy is coming, have child talk to dad on the phone , dad can explain why he is not coming, child should never be on the phone alone with dad, speakers are good for that, also if it is on speaker things can be recorded if need be.
Regardless if mom and dad hate each other , child loves dad and needs dad ( bummer huh!!)
It is a shame that children are caught in the middle and usually it is mom who has to do all the work, comforting, and pay the consequences of dumb ass , oh I mean dad's actions.
The child's safety is #1 and he does not have a drivers license, she needs to call her local PD and ask what she should do if he want to take the child in his car
whatever happens , mom usually is the one holding the bag GGRRRHHHH
God Bless her and the poor child. She should not allow him in her house !!!  they can sit outside and visit or go to a park

I will tell her to ask again about a waiver of filing fees.  She was told it was $300 and it could not be waived.  Dad does not have a job and is not paying child support so money is of course a big issue.  I know $300 doesn't always sound like a lot but it would be a big amount to me right now and I know for her it is.

I did suggest meeting at the park or McDonald's or something for visitation. 

You know, I don't think she actually hates him.  She's mad at him for what he's doing.  Her biggest concern, though, I think is really what it's doing to the child.  I mean, of course she's mad that he stole money from her but she didn't just stop allowing him to come over to see his son when he did that.  She started hiding her wallet and other things from him.  When I was visiting her a couple months ago, whenever he was coming over, we hid my prescription meds to make sure he could not steal them when I wasn't looking.

He doesn't hate her, either.  Sigh.  He wants to get back together and seems to be having trouble understanding why she doesn't.

sometimes the people at the window don't know it all or they think that we know what they know , it could be that when the person said the fee can't be waived they may have been saying it can't be waived until the proper form is filled out and filed with the courts, I know it can be very confusing and overwhelming.She may also talk to someone at child support services, different from family court
If dad is collecting unemployment she still can get support ordered and it would automatically sent to her as long as he is on unemployment.
It is all so very sad.
We have seen something go from "it's o.k." to I am going to kill you , as soon as attorneys get involved. One former Son in law's DAD payed 23k thinking his beloved son would not have to pay child support well for 23k the divorce was never finalized because the attorney wanted more money LOL , after about a year daughter and former got together and went to the CDA that daughter was using and finished everything for 500 $ AND he pays 200 a week child support and has the kids 50/50
It makes my little heart sing to know ass hat former father in law threw away his money , I told him not to because they had nothing to fight over and daughter was not under any cir****tance getting a 325 an hour attorney, we made some mistakes along the way , like trying to be nice and go along with what his attorney wanted , it all ended up being a joke......on them
Unfortunately the kids had to suffer

There is almost no way to get out of paying child support.  At least, no way to get out of being ordered by the court to pay.  I know some people just don't pay, but if you have a job or get any kind of benefits, at least in Ohio, the child support you owe is coming out of your paycheck before you ever see it.

I paid child support (my daughter lived with her father growing up****il my child was 16.  At that point I become disabled and was unable to work.  I applied for SSDI but it takes a long time to get approved.  So I filed a motion in court to ask them to reduce my child support.  I was not expecting them to discontinue it altogether and I explained to the magistrate that it was not a matter of me thinking I shouldn't pay it, I'd always paid it on time, but I simply had no income at all at the moment to pay it with.

It turned out that my ex did not show up for that hearing, and judges and magistrates often get very cranky when people don't show up for hearings.  I suspect it was because he did not show, but she ended up ordering zero child support.  I was very, very surprised.

If she could get him to agree to a dissolution rather than a divorce it would be a lot easier. For her own protection she should at least be legally separated.
My parents got legally separated because, as her attorney told them, they couldn't afford to get divorced. There have to be some divorce activists in your county. She should be able to find an attorney who takes payments. I would bet anything family would lend her the money to be free of him.

You may be right about family being willing to lend her money to get rid of him.

Did a little research. Checked a few counties Domestic Relations Courts. Divorce with children $300, dissolution with children $200. All seem to have a poverty affidavit for $10. How to do it would vary with each court's local rules.

What I tell new landlords facing an eviction is to go to their own court and see how the magistrate handles things during a hearing. Your local paper may also list cases so she could look up the paperwork on one or more cases at the courthouse to see how the forms are filled out. I also always recommend letting an attorney handle the first one.

Never go by what the clerks tell you.

Up here we have people in McMansions pleading poverty and getting away with it. Then again, we've had one judge jailed for corruption involving a divorce case. Lost the election, too.

No knowledge about the legal end.

HOWEVER - what we've seen in the schools (I'm a psych with the schools) is that children under the age of about 18 months or over the age of 5 tend to ultimately do ok with parents divorcing and limited contact with one of them. Children in that mid-range from 18 months through about age 5 have a more difficult time understanding and dealing with it. A recent study confirmed that as well.

So based on that, if your friend's son gets counseling (could be through the school, could be through county mental health on a sliding fee scale), he's of an age where he can talk through those issues and come out ok.

Best of luck with it - divorce and custody are NASTY things to deal with!