I want to be good enough - TMI probably

Thanks SOOO much to everyone for helping me through my "poor me" day. They don't happen too often anymore, but that was a doozy!!
 
  I had a better night / day.  Last night I blogged my fears vs logic

I am having so many doubts about myself.  I regretted emailing the Tri group for information, because I look "stupid"  (logically - I don't look stupid, I look curious and interested);  I am terrified of showing up at the training and being rejected or failing (logically  - I am not 353lbs anymore, I won't stand out in the crowd THAT much; and I work hard and know I can meet the minimum requirements physically; also, that is why they exist - to train couch tri-wannabes to become the real deal).  I am afraid of my social awkwardness - I have so much trouble meeting new people and I am always afraid of not being able to carry my part of an intelligent conversation (logically - people always say their family and friends "love" me when they meet me; people at work call me their "favorite care bear"; my friends are fiercely protective of me; even my counselor says I am fun to be around and he considers me a friend).


 Then this morning I had a TOUGH workout with the trainer and I pushed and pushed to get through it  - and I DID.  I told her about my doubts because it seems like I am needing more breaks in workouts - she looked puzzled and said my workouts are not only more difficult than they were, but she also doesn't give me many modifications anymore, so she would expect me to be exhausted since that is her mission of the hour.  Felt better.
   Then counseling where I got a very kind, caring beatdown by my therapist. I like reality checks from someone I trust.

 So alll of that to say, thanks, and I am doing a lot better.

In fact ..... I bought a bike helmet, neon colored swim cap, bike lock and a light for my bike. And shorts and pants to workout in (with my compressions underneath!).