How 6 months of Alcoholism and Laziness got me a 33lbs weight gain!

Hello,

I never post to the main boards anymore.  But I decided to paste my blog post today in a public forum in hopes that I can provide another voice for newbies.  (Again, the below is from my private blog so...pardon the cursing).  I am 3 years post op - RYN.


 Long time...

As I sit here and try to think of some bull**** lies to say... I won't.  Here's what's up.  I lost a **** load of weight, stopped going to support groups cause I thought I was hot **** continued drinking wine like water and havent been on a regular gym schedule in months.  Ahh... what eles, oh, I started smoking ciggerrets.  I'm at work today, and was actually looking up revision surgerys, I visited Lindora.com, Jenny Craig.com, and Weigh****chers.com too.  I'm almost 3 years out and got to damn comfortable.   I had to give in and buy size 12 jeans and even those are snugg now.  WTF??? Oh hell no!!!!!!!  I will not buy a size 14.  I will NOT.  

I need a swift kick in the ass right now for gaining weight.  And if you think it's because I'm sitting around eating ho-ho's and cookies and stuff... it's not.  It's the wine.  Yep, just like they all warn you before you have this surgeory... wine is addictive.  I feel like I should slap my damn self cause I knew better and vowed to change up and now look where I am.  When I was a kid, there was a stigma with "crackheads".   No one in their right mind would say... hey, let me try that - knowing damn well they can't kick that habbit as easy as they think.  Well, here I am - should woulda ******g coulda.  Should have never drank wine.  Couldve stopped when I said I would when I realized it was a problem.  I wouldve but there was that party or so and so is coming over - gotta stock up.  All the BS I fed to myself.

Well, there it is.  220lbs today.  Replaced water with wine.  I drink a glass of wine before I go work.  3 bottles when I get home.  I actually think I day-dream about wine while at work.   Totally an alchohlic.  My eating habbits are still the same... I'm too lazy to cook so I don't eat meals... I snack.  Carb City.  

Last week, I went to Palm Springs and it was hot as hell.  6 months ago, I could be walkin out the house half naked...last week however, as hot as it was - I had on long sleeves and like 3 spanx slips and a long skirt.  i lied and said I was on my rag cause I didn't want anyone to see me in a swimsuit.  So I sat in the room most of the day... drinking my life away till it got dark and cool enough to hang out side with my friends.   What a ******g joke I am. 

Well, that is all.  I've been fairly open with all of you pre surgery and post.   Learn from my mistake.  

Today, still happy I had RNY July 2009.  Today, mad at myeslf for not heeding the warning.

-B 

Good for you! Be honest and know who you are. The first step to recovery and personal salvation is admitting the truth. You once admitted you were fat. When you did that you made a change. Now you are admitting to failures and addictions. Good for you. Now go get help. AA is an amazing place. People can help. Go to your support groups. People can help. Point being, honesty and friends can be very powerful to your own salvation. 

Best of luck.

I worry that I may end up doing as you have done after my surgery.  I am an addict plain and simple.  The only addiction I have quit (I hate to say overcame because I still crave one everyonce in awhile and am only one bad choice away from going back to them) is cigarettes.  I smoked for 24 years and quit when I was 40...4 years ago.  I'm hoping the surgery will be a tool for me to use to lose my food addiction.  We'll see.  Hope you success at getting back on track.

It's not too late for you.  Call AA.  Go to a meeting.  Go to another meeting.  Don't drink between meetings.  Go to 90 meetings in 90 days and don't drink between meetings.  First things first.  You said you gained weight because of the wine so not drinking it should help in that area.  If you need to make changes to your eating after a while it will be a lot easier with a clear head.
Good luck to you.  I know you can do it.  I did it 31 years ago.  

I just wanted to say "thank you!"  Haven't had my surgery yet ( October I hope) and I am also a drunk.  I've been sober for over 6 years now but have been feeling the pull lately and your post was a wonderful slap in the face for me.  THANK YOU   Give a wake up call whenever you feel urge because it WILL help another!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Get up, dust yourself off, get to an AA meeting and begin again.

Thank you everyone for your notes, kindness and encouragement.  I can still laugh at myself...I was really looking into weight loss plans last week.  I know full well, I need to put down the bottle and get myself back on track.  This morning, I dusted the blender off and made myself a shake.  Back to the basics.   Let this be the lesson, once you reach goal or get near that's the EASY part of this surgery. Maintaning is the worst part  - for me anyway.   

I used to LIVE on OH pre-op... it's a shame I only came back to visit when I "needed" you.   Building OH and my support groups back into my daily habbits is vital to my success.  Lesson learned the hard way.  

Be well my friends....