I've said it before, and I'll say it again

Granted, Wendy and Kelly....she did get nasty and her response was immature.   But how many of us would keep our equanimity if we were feeling frustrated and asked for help (however badly)  and got told that WE were acting badly.   Yes it was couched as a suggestion.  But really, it quite reasonably read to her as criticism.

A therapist acquaintance of mine is fond of saying we should always "look at the field, before yelling at the ref". I don't always succeed i taking  his advice, but I'm trying to remember to look at what is REALLY going on, what the emotional dynamic is, and not just what the words say, before responding.   

Are you freaking kidding me? Good God, someone really needs to grow up. Don't ask for suggestions if you don't want to hear them. Youre wasting everyone's time and creating unneccesary drama. Grow up! By the way Kelly, I read your posts every day and you are a tremendous teacher to all of us "newbies". Thanks again! :)

OK I'm gonna call BS on that one MB!!! We all know being previously obese people that nagging DID not motivate us into having WLS. It was a personal choice that was sparked in each of us in a different way. I was fat all my life, teased, bribed, made to feel ashamed and it absolutely made me react in the only way I knew...EAT!!!! I was a 49 yo insulin dependant diabetic (took insulin for several years) that finally made a choice when I was embarassed by swollen ankles!!! We all have that turning point whatever it is....no one can do it for us. I can completely appreciate the fact that the original poster is concerned for her husband's health however a different tact may be the way to go. I for one found myself at about a year out from surgery becoming a real "fat" snob, meaning I would look at other overweight people and think to myself "wow, can't they do something about it? I did".... not very healthy huh? Maybe hubby is rebeling in a subtle way, feeling a bit of envy/jealousy in seeing his wife making a change for the better in her life.....

No question, Lori, nagging isn't the way to go. And that's a message SHE needs to get.  All I'm sayin is that there are valuable suggestions that might have been given to her in addition to and preferably BEFORE telling her to lay off.  (Among them your own idea tht hubby ight be feeling a bit of envy/jealousy and how she might cope with that.)

But she asked for help, she felt attacked...a human reaction.

By the way...what does it mean to be a "deactivated member"?  Is this something one does to onself or something one has done to them?

You know, I wasn't talking about just one specific poster when I posted this.  I see this on a fairly regular basis.  Someone posts and asks for opinions or suggestions or whatever and then gets upset because they don't like what they hear.  When you post on a busy internet forum and ask for opinions, you are going to hear from all kinds of people.  If you don't want to hear from lots of people, then an internet forum is not a good place to ask for suggestions.

Yes, Kelly, thick skins are a requirement for participation.  It's the way of the Internet.  And I do know, of course, that you had no intention of offending.

 I don't think thick skins are a requirement. I'm extraordinarily thin skinned. I offend very easily and take a lot of things personally that I shouldn't.  But as an adult in my right mind, I'm aware of these things and keep them in mind when I start feeling my blood pressure rise.  Sometimes the fault is theirs or it's an honest miscommunication, and if so, I can usually explain exactly why I felt the way I did.  And sometimes, I'm just being a wuss and realize that I overreacted or took it out of context.  I try to sort out these things before I open my mouth, but if I jump the gun, and am certainly able to apologize and admit when I've acted a fool. 

It bothers me a little when people say "You need to grow a thicker skin!"
I don't think a person needs to be desensitized to harshness, they just need to be mature enough to recognize when their reaction is inappropriate or over the top. 

Hey Charlie...I think we're really sort of saying the same thing....happy and successful participation in forums such as these require a mature ability not to overreact and to take slights....real or perceived...with a grain of salt.   Didn't mean to imply that it's solely the responsibility of the receiver to absorb any barbs thrown his or her way. Nor do I mean to convey the idea that it's OK for anyone to deliberately dish them up.

 Right, I totally agree. :)

Yep, i thought you might be refering to "another"  **** pot stirrer, Both seem to be newbies and are perhaps having the hormonal surge, what ever,,, you did not offend in any way, they have behaved very childish, just think of the fun they are missing now:)