I've said it before, and I'll say it again

Cheesecake is okay daily if you want to gain weight. Or once in a blue moon if you can tolerate it, and eat it in moderation.

does that work? 

What she said.

  Amen sister!

Cheesecake in moderation.  The hell?!

Let's face it. If cheesecake is in my house (fridge) then I will have a few extra potty trips in the middle of the night and sticky fingers when I wake up.  

It's sad but true.

However, loooove the responses! 

I have spent hours reading the questions posted on these boards and the responses as well. Sometimes a person posts a question and gives background information to help with the question. And that person is lobbed with unkind responses referencing something in the background information and totally ignoring the question in the post. The reason for the post.

Example, Susie asks the question: I can't really afford to buy a car but I am going to anyway. What kind should I buy?

Attacking Responses: WTF are you doing buying a car you can't afford....etc etc

She didn't ask should I buy a car..she is a grown adult who decided to buy a car..she asked what kind of car.

That is excatly what happened to the deactivated member about the husband. We are not her marriage counslor, she did not ask advice on whether to speak to her husband. While I agree it is not right for her to speak to him that way, what should have happend were suggestions on a better way to get the message across and substitutions she could try.

   I have also read enough posts to know that because my opinion is different I risk being put on the **** list. Its okay, I just bought toilet paper.

Muzzled,

I appreciate your stance. But (and don't you just love that conjunction?), I think some of the issues discussed here rely heavily on how people write questions. For instance, in your example (Susie wanting to buy a car and what type) why would Susie even mention that she can't afford it. What purpose or intent is Susie broaching by writing her question that way? Why in particular did Susie feel it necessary to qualify her question? And by including that intention, what responses should Susie expect?

Now I'm not a professional writer, however, it seems to me that if people would more carefully pose their questions and actually review their question's intent, think critically about what they are writing, and pre-judge a potential response factor, before they quickly scribe words on a screen and hit submit, oftentimes, contentiousness and friction could be averted (damn that was a long sentence ~SO not a professional writer~grin~).

But (again with the conjunction!) it's taken me many, many years to learn conciseness, crafting a well-worded thought or phrase, and to really understand how to put words together to get the meaning and intent across.

Just sayin'

I believe there's a responsibility for writing good questions and an equal responsibility for crafting a well thought out response. But alas, it's the internet and we are a nation of multi-tasking digital people who seek instant addressing of problems, and are remiss in pausing however briefly to evaluate and re-evaluate our needs, actions and reactions.

I believe it was Mark Twain who once wrote, "had I more time, I would have been concise." Sorry, for my wordy response.

I think that, if you post a question about what kind of car you should buy, people will want to know how much you can afford to spend in order to make a suggestion about what to buy.  If you say you can't afford a car, how are people supposed to suggest what kind of car to buy?  I don't know of any cars that are free.  So it seems reasonable to me to ask someone why they are planning to buy a car if they can't afford it, and how they plan to pay for it.  I wish I could tell you how to get a free car, I'd love to get a new car for free myself.  But that is knowledge I simply do not possess.

She didn't ask whether or not to speak to her husband, no.  She just asked what she should do.  It seems what she meant was "I plan to continue trying to make my husband eat what I think he should eat.  Can anyone offer suggestions about how I should do that?"  But that's not what she said.  She simply asked for suggestions about what to do.  Suggesting she stop trying to control his diet is a valid suggestion.  It wasn't an unkind suggestion.  It was a reasonable suggestion. 

In your example, if Susie wants to know what kind of car she should buy, I think it would be reasonable for people to want to know how much she could afford to spend on a car in order to help them make a suggestion about what kind would be best.  If she says she can't afford to buy a car but wants to know what kind to buy, that doesn't make sense.  I don't know of any cars that are available for free.  So I guess that's what my response would have to be.  I would try to say it in a kind way, though.

I think when you initially post, you need to prepare for all kinds of responses.  Take what you want from them and leave the rest.  It's what I do.  I don't get offended because everyone has different perspectives and responses.  Some right, some wrong, some not even close.

Giselle

Exactly.  You are free to ignore any responses you don't like.  And if a particular member of OH frequently annoys you, you can block them and then you never have to read any of their posts ever again.

If someone makes a suggestion that I don't like or don't want to take, I just say "Thanks for the input."  Then I decide what choice I want to make.  I have no problem saying "I've decided doing ABC is best for me right now" regardless of what someone else thinks I should do.  I do take their information into consideration but the decision is mine to make.