OT - PTSD stuff

Don't feel bad...I cannot sleep in total darkness, just creeps me out and I'm an older person but have been this way my entire life.  I finally just accepted the fact that I needed a small light on and that's just the way it is.  I don't worry about whether or not it's "right".....it's just what I have to do.  And I have an alarm system in my home, go figure.....

Nightmares.....yes, they come and go.  And much of the time they are the same ones, over and over.  Don't know what triggers them, don't know how to get rid of them, but they are distressing.

You've been thru a lot lately, try not to be so hard on yourself.  If you need a light on right now, that's fine.  If the hallway is dark, turn the light on to go to the bathroom or get a big flashlight.  For those with anxiety disorder, these fears tend to come and go, depending on what else is going on in our lives.  Maybe try to just accept the current "status quo" and try not to worry too much about it.  You are fine....you will be fine.  You are NOT losing it.  Hang in there, things will improve.
Kathy

Oh, I might have already lost it.  Thanks.

 Kelly I am sorry. I have never heard of that problem. I love the dark and get out of bed most nights and sit in the dark media room. I love to listen to the sound outside and the house sounds. I did not know there was a condition like you have. Yes I think getting a dog even a non service dog would help. When you do get a service dog you can have both. If you are scared, your dog will know that and stay by you and love you no matter what. Hope it works out for you soon. 

I like the dark, too, when I'm not scared of it.  I realize that probably doesn't make sense.  I have post-traumatic stress disorder due to childhood trauma.  I think you're right that a dog, even if not a service dog, would help.  I can't really afford two dogs, though, so hopefully the service dog will come through soon.

 Maybe you could get a night light for the bathroom/hallway area?  They have ones that come on automatically when it gets dark.  That way there would always be a little bit of light in those areas.  
Or possibly get the "clapper" you know that thing they advertise close to the holidays, for your bedroom, you could just "clap" the lights on in your room when you wake up from a bad dream.  Clap on, Clap off, the Clapper....

Now I feel silly.  I don't know why I didn't think of a night light.  I actually have one around here somewhere, if I can find it.  I used to have one in the bedroom.  Lately I just leave a lamp on, a night light isn't enough light for me to sleep, but it might make the hallway and bathroom easier.

 I hope you can find your night light and that it helps you feel better.  Best of luck!

Kelly, Are things any better between you and your partner? Or are you still needing to move?

Well, we are not getting back together.  I am actually feeling less anxious about it, I think, although I'm not entirely sure I'm not just blocking out feelings right now.  At some point I most likely will be moving but at this point, I am hoping not to have to do that any time soon, for a number of reasons.  Because I am on disability, I qualify for subsidized housing and I did submit an application for that last week.  There is a very lengthy waiting list, however.

 Kelly first off you need a huge ((((((HUG))))))!!!!

Second, get in to see your therpist soon.  I'm just starting a new one this week (which in and of itself is hell as we all know what a Pain in the ASS it is starting over fresh especially after having the same one for the last 7 years URGH!!) anyway it will help to speak with that person even if they can only give you a phone consult right now sounds like you could use it.

Third, cut yourself some slack honey.  I myself have to do the same thing as everything you have been describing lately has either in the past (or is happining right now in the present) to me.  My problems are too huge to go into here but suffice it to say, I too am experiencing a lot of what you are.  Nightmares, afraid to even get out of bed at night to even go to the bathroom (which is right across the hall from my bedroom) and this is WITH my fiancee here.  I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying it must be when you are alone.  Just yesterday he had to work and I was home doing laundry at the facility here where I live in our complex.  I was afraid to go outside and get it during the day!  If I don't keep busy with things my mind has a way of going off on its own and getting me into a crying mess---all things that I'm going to be addressing with my new therapist--but I'm NOT a cryer!  Maybe that's my problem, I dunno!  LOL

I hope you are able to get a service dog soon those animals are so brilliant and trained to assist you.  

((((((HUGS)))))))) again!  I hope you feel better soon!!!!!

Mallisa