Dealing with "You're losing too much..."

Hello! I don't post often but when I do, you know it's because I REALLY need help!

I'm 17mos post op. I've lost 114lbs - I'm at 136, down from 250+. But I think it bears mentioning that I am training to become a triathlete - so I run between 20-30miles a week, swim 600m three times a week and will begin a steady bike training regiment next week. I eat whatever I want, and can tolerate, and I mean that. But I have been told TWICE TODAY that it's "time" for me to stop losing. What bothers me is that the comments are coming from my husband, and a very close friend who also had a bariatric procedure on the same day as me - she was my roommate in the hospital, so she's seen me through the various steps in this process. I don't believe she is as successful as I am because she's not as strict with the food regiment as I have been, nor does she exercise as much as I do. Anyway - this is coming from people whose opinions I care about.

I asked my husband (US Air Force, triathlete himself) how am I supposed to train for RACES and events if I "can't" lose any more weight? I don't do NEARLY what most triathletes do, training-wise, to make sure I can finish even a short course race (600m swim, 10mi bike, 3.12mi run). I'm not crazy - you won't see me doing any Ironman races - I promise.

I am thin. I have an athletic body now (see my pics if you like). I am not skinny, I am not undernourished. I am HEALTHY, as my blood tests prove. My DOCTOR is okay with my progress. I feel great, aside from normal athletic training aches and pains. There is seriously NOTHING I can do - I'm already eating whatever I want to support my training.

How do you resist the temptation to tell somebody to mind their own business?! I know *I* am my husband's business, but I'll be honest. After my 15yrs of being overweight, pre-diabetic, and having high BP; he's going to have to get up pret-ty early in the morning to convince me I need to stop losing weight when I'm doing it in such a HEALTHY, productive way. Most importantly, I FINALLY LIKE ME FOR WHO I AM. Isn't this the most important thing? I feel like I went through this HUGE, life-altering surgery to become this person, and now the most important person in my life (my husband) wants me to stop changing. I don't think he's jealous, or anything like that. Our marriage is stable, and I know he's VERY proud of all the training I do, and that we do together. Some of his friends have complimented US for being a healthy family and good athletic examples for our children, and friends. I think he is worried about me, and that it's nothing "bad" on his part. The friend... Yeah well. Maybe.

Thoughts? Advice? Similar experience? This is causing me a lot of anxiety because I was feeling really good about what I was doing and how I was doing it, I was proud of myself, and my accomplishments, and now I'm second guessing myself.

Thanks ya'll,
Love,
Dee

LOTS of similar experiences!

I finally just started telling people "Thanks, I'm consulting with my doctor on the weight." That shut most of them up. As far as the husband issue, mine finally admitted to me that he just wasn't used to seeing me so small, and that to him, I looked smaller than I really was. On a similar note, I have the same measurements now that I had in high school, and I'm still the same height. I do weigh about 5-7 pounds more. In high school, my family kept telling me I should lose about 10 pounds. Now they tell me I should gain 10 pounds. Again, it's all about how they're accustomed to seeing us, not how we actually are.

Hang in there - keep up the healthy things you're doing, and, if you can, stop giving out weight numbers to people - including DH! If people ask about weight, focus on health instead. It's a hard switch to make for our minds after we've focused on weight for so long, but I think it'll help in the long run.

I think you're right - he's seen me at my heaviest (270), and now here. I can imagine that would be shocking at times; like seeing two people. I think it was genuine concern that made him say something. It's hard on us, we kind of forget how hard it must be for everybody else! I needed to get that off my chest, thanks for listening and responding.

It is not uncommon for some to look very gaunt after losing a lot of weight.  Even people with more weight to lose look drawn in the face.  It may be the way a lot of people lose weight, for the top down.  Over time the fat redistributes and we look healthier even without regaining any weight.
Also, it isn't uncommon for some to get a bit too low in the first few years and then experience a bounce back around year 3.  I have heard it said that you rarely hear about a person being told to gain weight after the third year.  Just keep doing what you are doing, as long as it is healthy.  What I have seen too many people do when they are told they are too thin is they start eating too many carbs to try to gain some weight back, almost always to their regret later when it comes back to bite them in the ass.  If you really want to put on some weight do it in a healthy manner, with healthy fats and carbs and of course protein.  Don't use the excuse of losing too much weight set you back on the slippery slope of bad choices.  It takes time for habits and biology to come together to learn the right balance of caloric intake and activity to stay at a healthy weight.  It's all a learning process.  And don't forget, also, for many the malabsorption pretty much leaves after the second year and it isn't uncommon to gain some weight even if you change nothing about the way you eat and exercise.  That is why some like to lose a little more then their goal, to allow for the bounce back.  I didn't intentionally set out to lose as much as I did but the way I look at it I am completely ready for the bounce back to happen.  And by sticky with a healthy way of eating I don't have to worry about having to break bad habits again.

Don't worry, Ladytazz, I'm not trying to gain ANYTHING back! LOL Of course you're right about all of that. Obviously I won't be able train like this FOREVER, so I need to walk a fine line with eating and make sure that I"m not setting myself up to fail (or even just have a hard time) later. Thanks for the advice!

 I know how you feel. I am 8 mo. Out and down 130 lbs. I am 5 pounds away from my goal (from 295 to 160). Everyone keeps bugging me about stopping now - but my doctor approved my new weight and that's what I am going for. Surprised how everyone never told me to stop gaining when I was obese but now they wanna bud in lol

 Exactly! Nobody said "Hey, don't eat that, you might have a heart attack!" But now everybody's a doctor and knows what good for ME. Sure.

It all evens out in the wash. As Ladytazz said, by about year 3, our weight redistributes and we look better. Also people are used to us being thinner by then. I will say my boyfriend still gets on to me about my weight. He would love it if I gained 10-20, but hopefully that won't happen. He likes curves. He's loved me thin and overweight, so I know he loves me. He just likes to make comments every now and then. I usually just say "yes, dear" and move on...lol.

just say.....

I actually weigh more than I look .........all my muscles make me look thinner

Yea, I know ..............I am eating 8 to 10 times a day.  

I am really concern tooo.  I am working with my doctor.

If you need 15 more lbs to lose, I can send you some.

I looked at the recent pictures you posted.  You look like a normal thin person.  You look like you have a BMI within the normal range.  I hope I look that good when I'm done!

People have asked me if I still want to lose more.  I still weigh over 235!  They just aren't use to seeing me this low.  So to them I look great.  I am still obese.