Why the heck am I so insecure?

Okay, I have just gotten back to being active on here and I can be a bit of a whiner so please don't get mad. I am 12 months out and I have lost a great deal. I did not have many quality friends before surgery. Post op I am virtually on my own family members are across the world due to the fact that I am a military spouse. I am working really hard on my social skills. I am trying to get rid of a really bad habit... I think everyone is talking about me.  I thought it would get better when I lost some weight, but now it is worse. Now my brain tells me what they are saying.  I realize that if I want to at least have one friend. I have to stop this destructive way of thinking. It is so bad now I am getting angry at total strangers because I know what that look means. I just know they are talking about me. I plan to go back to school and work soon. I am worried that I will not get over this. I know people who don't think that everyone that glances in their direction is thinking about them. Should I go to therapy or something. I am wondering if this is a psychological condition. Just weird to me that I can not seem to get over this way of thinking. Why am I so insecure?

Kinda sounds like you know what you need to do. You have gone through so many changes, and I know for myself, I had to figure in the new me. Body image issues, diet.....sometimes gets a little overwhelming. I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea, and make my point whenever, and as loud as I need to, especially to my family. I don't deal with stress as well anymore, but hey...I'm a work in progress. You have a lot of soft shoulders on this website!!

I know what I need to do. I just so loathe thearpy.... I just think that right now I want my personaility to match my progressing healthy body. It is easier said than done. I guess I better call behavorial health.

 Sounds like you have good insight but these feelings and thoughts are really intrusive and unproductive. I definitely think a good psychiatric assessment would be a sound starting point.  From there the best therapy for moving forward can be discussed  it may be medication or other therapy but things sound like they are getting worse and I guess it seems to me it would be best to intervene now before things spiral out of control.

It sounds like you have been working really hard and have accomplished a lot. Pat yourself on the back and be kind and gentle with yourself. Remember this journey is about learning to love and accept YOU and being healthy and strong both physically and mentally.

Good luck.

Andrea. 

Thanks, I appreaciate your kind words and helpful insight.

it sounds like you have a social phobia and the fact that you think people are talking about you and your mind is telling you what they are thinking....Yes you should seek some therapy. 

Perhaps they are thinking about how great you look, or wondering where you got that dress or those shoes.... You can't Assume what people are thinking. 

there are lots of head issues each person needs to deal with and there is NEVER any shame in asking for help!

Good luck.

I called the behavorial health clinic and I am waiting for someone to call me back for an assesment. I hope that I get an appointment soon and they have some information or tools to help. I simply can not go on being like this. It has been going on for years, but I am constantly fighting my thoughts and at times I do something or say something so embarassing that I can not face the people again. Hopefully they have some answers. I do not think that this was caused by my WLS. I do think that the problem has gotten worse post op. I know that most people have always told me things like why do you care what everyone thinks at some point after knowing me and I explain things too total strangers that did not ask for the information because I think I know what they are thinking about me. I just don't want to go through this anymore. I feel almost compelled to explain my background my past or anything to explain why I am the way I am to someone who just said hello based off of their facial expression, or what I think they are thinking. With people who know me I always think they are talking bad about me. It is turning me into the type of person I just don't want to be. Thanks you guys for listening.

It's very hard to be so far away from family and friends, and that can make any problems we have worse.  You've got the right idea, get a referral from Behavioral Health and make an appointment soon.

I used to be very concerned that people were looking at me/thinking or saying negative things, etc., even when I was thin. I was terribly self-conscious.   It took me a long time but I finally came to realize that people, by and large, are way more interested in themselves and don't really pay all that much attention to others. They are busy worrying about how they look, their lives, their problems, etc.  Someone might glance at me and it have nothing whatever to do with me.   It was hard to get to that place mentally but boy, it sure makes life easier!

Best wishes, and please stay in touch.
Kathy

Thank you, You seem to understand that I am actively trying to get to that place. Clearly, I understand my way of thinking is not normal. However, it has not changed the thinking and that is what I don't understand if I know it is as ridiculous as it sounds. Why is my brain still doing it. That is why I have contacted behavorial health still waiting on the call back for the assesment. Kind of felt like they blew me off she said someone will get back with me in a few days. Then they will decide if I need an appointment so I am just going to try harder to work on it.

You'll need to keep after the Behavioral Health folks.  I worked in a military hospital for many years and know how hard it can be to get an appointment.  There are so many patients needing to be seen and they try to schedule the people with the worst problems first, of course.  You really need to stress to them how severely this is affecting your life, how difficult it is to function, etc.  Could you get your PCM to put in a referral for you?  Don't know if that will help but might be worth a try.