Why the heck am I so insecure?

 Look on the bright side.......they have a wonderful subject to talk about !!   

This is going to sound har****otally don't mean it to, and I'm typing this with a smile and a lot of love.

But what makes you so special that everyone would give up precious minutes of their busy days to stand around talking about you?

I realize your insecurity comes from a place of self doubt, not a place of arrogance, so please know that the above comment was made tongue-in-cheek. It seems like you have a really good handle on the idea that people really AREN'T standing around gossiping about you, but that you might need some help enforcing that idea and really getting it situated steadily in your head so you can start weaning yourself off the knee-jerk reactions. You said you hate therapy--is there any particular reason? It could possibly be of some really good use. Good luck!

From personal experience therapy has never worked. I generally view it as a waste of time. In the past as a teenager I went to clueless therapist and all we did was sit around. I would talk and participate but the most I got out of it is I am not normal and issues never resolved thus why I am reluctant to go back in my thirties addressing the same issue that seems to be worse.

 I had been seeing a therapist for the last 6 months who was fairly useless. She asked some decent questions occasionally, but for the most part, I left feeling more confused than I did when I arrived.  Not every therapist is going to be a good fit or know what they're doing or how to best handle your situation and issues.   I started seeing someone new recently, and even after one session, I can tell she's really going to help. 

Shop around. When you call, let them know that you're searching for someone compatible, and find someone who is easy to talk to. The key is to trust them and really lay everything out. They can't help you if you don't tell them everything honestly. (I'm not assuming you don't--you sound pretty open.)  But if you go to a few sessions and don't feel a connection or haven't really touched on any pertinent issues, try someone else. Or tell the therapist that you're not feeling it, and see if they can switch tactics. 

I think what would help you most is figuring out when these thoughts and behaviors initially started so you can identify what triggers them and deal with the root cause, rather than just try to "cure" the behavior itself. 

 I'm glad you called a behavioralist--I hope it helps. 

I did/do not have any support for surgery basically did on own BUT I do have my therapist and he has made all the difference in the world, see if you can find someone, I don't do group just one on one. We are working through why I really don't have any friends and am not trusting. You will be surprised what you learn... Good and bad. You have us here for support but you need a professional who can help you focus. Group and single are very different.

Lyn

I am glad I posted this here. You guys are a wealth of information I will def check out thearapy maybe this one will be better.

As odd as this may sound, my dad used to have a saying about folks whose tongues wag. He would say that if they were talking about him, it kept their mouths off some other poor *******

I don't think everyone is talking about you, but so what if they are? Don't give them any power over you. They like you or they don't. If their tongues wag, let them. Some people just can't get along in this world without gossipping about others--and those are people you don't want to be friends with anyway.

Easier said than done, I know. But really, most folks are so self absorbed they won't give you much thought.

I do think being obese for a long time fine tunes our anxiety and fear in social situations, because society can be mean about appearance. We're too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, don't dress fashionably or dress too fashionably, something is always wrong with us.

You will get over this; it might take awhile and some work.

keep us posted