How to overcome the thinking that food equals fun?

So about a month ago I was at school and talking to one of my close friends about my upcoming surgery for RNY on Dec 12th. Well another lady in my class over heard and told me that she had gastric bypass about 3 years ago so we talked a little bit about it. Well today our class was canceled by our instructor and we were walking back to our cars together when some member of an anti bully campaign stopped us. They were using chalk and getting students to write words on the pavement that had been said to them and hurt them. Obviously the first thing that popped into my mind was being bullied for my weight but I was embarrassed and couldn't bring myself to write the word fat in front of all these people standing around. However the lady I was walking with took the chalk and wrote FAT AND LAZY in big letters on the side walk and looked at me and said it was for both of us. It really touched me. She told me how empowering it was to write something like that. We talked about my upcoming surgery and I got a lot of information from her. She also showed me some before pictures on her lap top and I was blown away by how amazing she has done. We also talked a little bit about my biggest fear with the surgery, which is the mentality that I have about food and how I think its going to be a struggle for me. I associate fun with food. If theres no food how will anything be fun? When I go the movies I'm more excited about the popcorn than the movie. When my fiance and I are out and about running errands Im most excited about where we are going to stop for lunch. I think alot of this thinking comes from not having much money growing up. My mom couldn't afford a lot but she always had her food stamps. I couldn't go to the movies with friends but she would make it sound ok by saying well hey how about I make a bunch of snacks and we can rent a movie at home. Alot of fun and good times for me was always revolved around food because that something my mom could do with her food stamps. I know the inside of my body is going to be changed but that doesn't mean my thinking will be and it scares me. My fiance mom and sister are coming for Christmas and we have alot planned but Im not looking forward to it because I wont be able to eat when we go out and do things. Its so frustrating and I dont know how to change my thinking! When they are here we are going to see the nut cracker at the fox theater in atlanta and the festival of lights at calaway gardens but all I can think about is how I wont be able to have any fudge and hot chocolate at the lights show. I didnt realize what a food addiction I had until this last month when I have been realizing that I wont be able to have these things anymore.

Many people face the challenge that you are facing. You say that you look forward to the popcorn more than the movie, that you won't be able to enjoy the activities with family because you will not be able to eat, and that fun has always revolved around food. It is great that you realize that surgery isn't going to change that.

I would suggest that you find a good counselor who can help you work to break the association between food and fun and to learn to enjoy the activities and time with friends and family without the food. Forced abstinence over the December holidays (since you will be so new post-op) may help you on one hand (sort of a "cold turkey" approach), but it will likely be stressful. If you can start counseling before your surgery, I think it will help you to have someone who can help you navigate the holidays.

Lora

Thanks Lora I will definatly look into some counciling. Also I am so sorry to hear about you puppy! I have been reading your story on here for a while about the situstion with the breeder. I have two basset hounds and they are my babies. Im super sensative about dogs and was so sad to hear about what happened. I hope you get a replacement soon. The puppy stage is the best and the time where you really bond. I hope there is a red male in the next batch so you can get him as a pup, but even if you get the older one im sure it will be great. You seem like your a great mama and the doggie will bond to you no matter what age. Keep us updated!

That's how I think of food too. All my friends also think food equals fun. All our outings revolve around food. The difference is now, I can have the fun without the food. I go to the movies and have fun without the popcorn. I go to the restaurants and order my meal, eat what I want and take the rest home. We still go to clubs where they all drink, and I'm the designated driver now. I dance the whole time! It's good excersize! I don't drink. My best friends husband loves sweets! I mean, he LOVES sweets! And in downtown there is a 50's style cafè that serves only desserts and I can go and just hang out while they eat their cakes and icecream. I just suggest we all walk there, which is like 20 blocks, I'm there for the company! Also, good excersize! You just gotta look at it differently now. Go, have fun, enjoy the company. That's the fun. The food isn't what makes things fun.

BTW, all my friends are thin. I don't know where they pack all that food! But it seems they're always eating.

Well, if you think you have a food addiction, I definitely recommend getting treatment for that.  Surgery does not cure addiction, for sure. 

But you know, I still do think food is fun.  It's not the only thing I do for fun, but I think it's fun.  I don't go to movies often, but when I do, I eat some movie popcorn.  And you can definitely make yummy, healthy snacks at home and rent a movie.  How about roasted chickpeas or cherry cheesecake Greek yogurt?  Check out some of the recipes on bariatricfoodie.com and theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com.  Having WLS does not mean you have to give up good food.

However, I do think it would be good for you to learn to enjoy the conversation or the show or whatever at least as much as you enjoy the food.  Find a counselor and  maybe try a meeting of Overeaters Anonymous.

I applaud you for realizing that you may have an issue with food and how you interpret fun. There are lots of substitutions that can be made, you just have to dig a little deeper to find them. I am no expert by any means but I am learning all the time. I recently started my Christmas shopping and I found an item that I am going to get my nieces and nephews...and maybe one for myself. It is a cotton candy machine made by Nostalgia that uses the regular sugar to make the cotton candy, OR you can use any type of sugar free hard candy to make sugar free cotton candy. The reviews for it are good. People say that they can make cotton candy in any flavor and it tastes like the real deal. I am not suggesting that everyone go and try this, as candy may be a trigger food for them and it lead to other things. But for me, it would satisfy that occasional need to have something fun. So what if I take my own cotton candy to the carnival or fair. There are so many healthier substitutions for the things we love, don't despair, just keep looking.

We are all here for you,

julie

Food is fun!
A lot of things are fun, and now is a good time to start thinking about all of them.

You know that whole "Frenchwomen's Diet" thing? In a way, it's been kind of true for me. I've started to focus much more on the quality of the ingredients, and flavors in a dish, and in the preparation - particularly when I'm cooking with froends or family. 
But it took this surgery to get my focus off of quantity. I dumped strongly for the first year or so, still do if I try anything stupid. But initially after surgery I was semi-nauseous almost every day, and to avoid that, I started eating very carefully. Careful about what, careful about how much, I had no choice. (Thank you, Roux n Y, for taking the burden of hourly choices off me. That was the greatest gift.) After some time it became automatic, and... I just didn't think about food the same way now. 
But I still love to hang out with my friends and socialize, and we still go out to lunch. But I've learned how much I can eat, and not only that, I've mentally recallibrated what a normal portion really is for a fairly inactive 48 year old woman. Most of my friends are not overweight, and seem to understand portion size intuitively. I remember pre-WLS, when someone would suggest splitting an entree, there was actually a part of me that was annoyed - I felt either they were "showing off" by pretending to be just tiny eaters, or else they were  control freaks who obsessed on everything that went into their mouths. I had a really distorted idea of how much food was necessary for my body, and my body revealed in size how skewed my perception was.  
Sorry, tangent.
My point is that food will still have a role in your life, of course it will. We need food to live, and most cultures have sharing food as a social bond. But the focus can and most likely will shift away from the consumption of the food and onto the social part. 
Which is a good thing!

 

Hello,

I'm a newbie here, and everyone here has given great advice, but from a newbies perspective, I had my rny on Oct. 23,2012.  Today I can finally have soft foods.  I think you should also focus on tackling one hurdle at a time.  Get through your surgery first.  The first month can be a challenge for some.  For me, people would eat around me, the food looks and smells good, but it was all head hunger.  Nothing connected from my belly to my head, its weird idk if that made any sense.  It was like I wanted the food, but my belly didnt.  And of course I dared not eat any solids, with my new fragile pouch.  I think you will be so overwhelmed with all the mental, hormonal changes in the first weeks, that you won't even think of food so much.  Not to scare you, you will make it thru it all and be successful.  Its just something we all go thru with this wls surgery.  Lastly I think you are brave to have your surgery around the holidays, it will just build your arsenal, of forging ahead thru tough times, and make you that much more stronger when it comes to battling this war we have with food.  I myself went through Halloween, and now Thanksgiving, but I just try and take it one day at a time.  Hope that helps.

Those things got your fat and made fun of, break up with them, they are no good for you.  If you take them back take them back with you in change and not them.  If you can't eat just one chocolate chip cookie then banish them forever, if you can go enjoy.  Honestly I banish food because it was bad to me, I hold grudges against many foods I ate that got me fat, I will never eat another HO HO ever again.  What you need to learn is life is still about food, but healthy nutritious food that won't make you fat and will feed your body and make you feel good.  You might have to skip some things this year but you have eaten every year until you got here, one year off won't kill you and next year you can eat whatever you want.  Having surgery and being successful means you have to change your thinking about food, you can't look at it as a friend you miss think of it as your frenemy who talked behind your back and made you feel bad.  Once you start losing weight, wearing cute clothes will fill your mind.  Believe me when I was fat my life revolved around my son and re-doing my house, I never considered my clothes or shoes.  That is all different now that I can wear whatever I want.

 

Good Luck.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and your personal stories. For me I think the best option will be to find a councilor. Fun is kind of limited when you are a 24 year old that is 365 pounds. So for me the only thing that was fun was sitting and eating. Im looking forward to losing weight and being able to do other things like going to six flags, braves games, and out dancing with my girlfriends. Now when I have to go buy clothes that is not the fun part the lunch is the comfort and the fun part. Im hoping after weight loss the fun part will be the clothes shopping.